First thing first, my boyfriend and I live together. He only gives me sex once a week, if that, which I would prefer it a lot more. I know funny its how the women is complaining about this issue. Any how, he is leaving out of town for 3 days and I thought before he left that we could be intimate seeing its going on 2 weeks of not making love. So, I tried last night and he claimed he was too tired and that he may give it to me in the morning. The morning comes and he denies me once again. I got all upset and he ended up leaving with us being on bad terms. We got into a verbal arguement. My feelings are hurt and to be honest, the whole situation makes me feel very insecure. He seems to have this theory that all I want him for is sex, but that is not the case whatsoever. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. Has anyone every experienced this? I'm in a lost of words and really ready to call it quits. By the way, we are about to have an one year anniversary.
2007-08-10 08:37:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Everytime I try to intitate sex, he has an excuse. He did have an injury at work with his back, but that excuse is getting over-used and old. We are both also in our late 20's.
I don't think its an issue of him cheating on me or getting it elsewhere. I just think he isn't as sexual as I am. He comes home to me every single night and I know where he is at all the time.
Also, I have confidence within myself that I am not an ugly person inside and out. I could pretty much get anyone I wanted to. Its funny because my ex said I was his best sexual experience ever. I just don't get it.....
2007-08-10 08:39:25 · update #1
I'm sure you're delightful and could have any of a number of guys if you so chose, but that really isn't the issue here, is it? Unless I'm misunderstanding you, it's not about getting a guy but sustaining your relationship with this one guy in particular. Chances are good that your sexual drive right now is higher (stronger) than his, and for whatever reason, that is probably causing him to feel inadequate and make excuses whenever the issue comes up. Left unchecked this situation will worsen, but it doesnt have to because no one has done anything wrong or that they should feel ashamed of. Your guy is probably the victim of old school male socialization which makes us believe that we (men) are supposed to have the dominant drives, and since it's apparent that he doesn't, he feels like he's not measuring up. You could leave him on that basis alone and none of your girlfriends would blame you. He'd then move reluctantly on to the next woman and perpetuate that same cycle of self-defeating behavior there too. Is this your problem to solve? No, not really....but if you care about him at all it may be valuable to help him through this so you can both establish a healthy balance you can live with.Why would you be willing to do this? Because in any relationship there are going to be inequities in appetites for one thing or another....learning to strike a balance now keeps you from having to learn it later on. Plus, his realizing he's not defective could result in his growing closer to you in meaningful ways that will support you through some of your quirks when they manifest themselves (because we ALL have something going on with us). Next point: Arguing about sex NEVER makes sex happen; it just makes the other person withdraw (ask around and see if that isn't true). But if you have a frank and gentle conversation with him about things I've just shared with you, he may feel comfortable enough to open up and you'll establish a deeper dialogue with each other....which in turn could lead to greater intimacy. I mean, what have you got to lose? Give it a try, and good luck to you both.
2007-08-10 09:01:52 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, i really don't know what to tell you. because it seems like there's a possibility of him getting it somewhere else, but if you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that hes not.... well, i dont know. maybe you should talk to him about it. i mean, you live together, you've been together for a year. and your significant other should be someone you can talk with openly about things. especially things concerning you and he. just tell him you need to talk to him. and then tell him that the fact that he doesn't want sex is beginning to make you feel insecure and ask him if anything is going on.... maybe he isn't as experienced as he'd like to be and that makes him insecure about sex, or maybe he wants to try things other than the usual same old everyday routine, but he's afraid of what you'd say and that causes him some sort of apprehension.... or it could just be that he's having something going on (some sort of mental or emotional issue) and it is affecting the bedroom relationship or something. i really don't know. i tried... i hope things get better for the two of you.
2007-08-10 08:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by Unmade Promises 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, to make this a little bit easier, Love is not all about sex. Though I do see where you are coming from. Life gets harder the longer you are with someone. You really might want to check in and see if he has doubts about your relationship. Maybe he feels like it isn't going to work out, and he doesn't want you to sexually get attached to him. Also, maybe he could be self concious, what if he thinks he cant please you, it would only make it worse the more he doesnt. There could be many reasons of why this is so, maybe you should have a one on one conversation about it with him.
<3 Carrissa
2007-08-10 09:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by carrissa b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her and attempt and get her to speak to her mum and dad... by way of her chatting with them provides her extra concepts on wether or no longer she needs to maintain it or maybe adoption she has extra concepts now than she will later. Her mum and dad will locate out at last only confirm that is to no longer late. And be a stable chum and attempt and help/handbook her to make the concepts she needs and not what anybody "needs" her to do because of the fact she am has to handle it in an prolonged time in existence no remember what she makes a decision... and prefer the girl in the previous mentioned her mum and dad will strengthen to the assumption and confident there's a raffle they're going to loose it however the won't harm her or the newborn. So motivate her to make her judgements which will earnings her in the top.
2016-11-11 23:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and talk. Explain it like you did here and ask him what's going on. If he doesn't tell you there is no way to know. It could be another woman, it could be his back has gotten worse, or it could just be that he doesn't have as strong of a sex drive as you do. You need to find out what it is and make a decision if this is something you want to work through.
2007-08-10 09:00:39 · answer #5 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey mami! don't feel bad its not you. as long as you know he isn't cheating then the the problem could be that his work takes a lot of energy out of him. i went through this one time where my girlfriend wanted it like 3 times a day, but i was working 10 hour days doing construction and i just was physically too tired to give it to her more then once a day. so if he doesn't have that high of a sex drive to begin with then his work could be a valid excuse. not your fault though. it sounds like you guys need a vacation to just relax with each other.
2007-08-10 09:02:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
frankly you said it it's sex in the first degree...you are guilty of sex. ah..ha just maybe as a man change the way off doing sex position or the place... his board from something in the sex be innovative about it
2007-08-10 08:52:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, most guys would love you if you wanted to have more sex with them, i know i will.
2007-08-10 08:43:50 · answer #8 · answered by lightzout 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋