Would somebody please tell me...?

Question

something funny today? This place is dead, and I so can use a laugh right about now.

rossonero, LOL!! That was a good one!!

(((Grandma beano)))) lol! Again, congrats!

These stories and jokes are great, guys!! lol
Group hug!((((( Jack, Georgia))))

(((James)))yes, I saw that gem yesterday. lol

Answer 1

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on
McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith, it's a small world,
so did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of
course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me,
what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in
1944."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.

Can you believe it - I graduated from St. Mary's in 1944 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters,? It?s going to be a long night tonight!!!!"

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Kelly twins are drunk again."

Answer 2

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"

Answer 3

A lady walks into a high class jewelers shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the Salesman greets the lady with,
"Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, What is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to s**t
all over the place when I tell you the price.


It made me laugh!!! (((hugs)))

Answer 4

A priest and a rabbi were involved in a collision. Both exited their vehicles and made sure the other was not hurt.

The cars were badly damaged and a bottle of wine the rabbi had purchased had its neck broken off.

"Look!" said the rabbi, pulling out the bottle and some paper cups from his grocery bag. "We might as well not waste this wine. Shall we have a drink?"

"A wonderful idea!" said the priest, and he accepted the paper cup filled with wine and took a long drink. He then noticed the rabbi hadn't touched his wine.

"Aren't you going to take a drink?" asked the priest.
The rabbi shook his head. "Not until after the police get here."

Answer 5

when i was a college freshman i took an intro to computers class. the teacher was a dead ringer for florence henderson. she was also a little nervous in front of the class. seems she was the department chairperson and had not taught in a while.

well she told the class that we are going to learn how to save a file, and she said "now everyone, take out your 3 1/2 inch floppy *****". the chuckles started. she turned red.

Answer 6

When my roommate comes home from the bar late at night and I have to work the next morning, I usually come out into the living room in my underwear so his friends can see how angry I am that they have no common courtesy.... sometimes I leave the front of my boxers open a little so they see more than they need to... it usually keeps em quiet for the rest of the night.

Answer 7

Bad pickup lines for women said by men:

"Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Fried, poached or fertilized?"

"Hey I am about to go masturbate. Can I have a name to go with your face?" (That one might result in more than a slap in the face)

"Was your parents aliens? Because there is nothing like you on earth!"

Answer 8

for my section, that is not good to make a declare like that. God does not bargin with human beings nor does he make deals. the only reliable ingredient that would desire to pop out of the guy triumphing thelottery to tutor God exists, could be that that guy or woman could believe in God. that would desire to be somewhat superb, yet they could prefer to directed in the perfect ideals of Our Lord. i'm hoping this spoke back your questions.

Answer 9

My son 10 came to wake me up for work (I work nights) and I noticed the white junk in his hair, I questioned him to what it was and he ran away, I got up inspected his head to find it was covered with white glue, and I asked him why he had glue in his hair, and he said the glue his hair back on, I asked back on? He had taken his father clippers and shaved a single strip up the middle of his head, his hair was long and curly all I could do is laugh, he didn't think it was very funny, I said why did you do it? I didn't my sister wanted to fix my hair, and she did it.

Answer 10

Here is my most embarrassing moment:
When I was in fifth grade we would do some really simple exercises everyday. One day we were doing sit ups. I was the one actually doing the sit up and my partner was holding my feet. Right in the middle of a sit up I farted really loud. My teacher was standing right next to me, but the funniest part was the look on my partners face. I am cracking up right now just thinking of it. I got lucky and everyone thought it was my teacher, but there was no fooling my partner. Hahahahah. Lets just say we were never partners again.