Why do people have kids and then shove them in daycare?

Question

I know loads of people will freak out at me and say things like "We need the money" But kids need to be with their parents...no one loves them like you and daycare is proven to be less helpful for development than being with Mother...I am not rich...I struggle and do without in order to be with my child...they go to school for so long...those baby years can never be got back.

There is always a choice....always. It depends on how determined you are, also why shouldnt I judge others? Who says it's not nice...it is human nature and everyone does it.

To those people who say they dont want to "Milk society" Who are you to decide that the good of society is worth more than the good of your child...I think it is far more noble to rely on the government for a few years and then work when the children are at school than to shoot off to work when they are still babies...the vitriol shown in many answers shows nothing but guilt on the part of those who choose work over parenting. It is true that affording to live and affording to live with "Extras" are very different...I dont care how personal some of you get...it only proves how small you are as people..my concern is the well being of all children and therefore soociety in general.

Answer 1

thanks for the judgement... it must be so hard being perfect!!!

Answer 2

I understand what you are saying. My gf works for a day care, and the people that work there don't treat the kids all that well. She told me how other workers are borderline abusing the kids, ie grabbing arms, or dragging them on the floor, etc. I am sure not all are like that.
Some parents want to work, and some just want some time away from the children. I know its not the best thing, but also, it helps the child in development. I understand these are important years for the childs life, but if a child spends a lot of time with a parent, they probably won't want to leave home when they are older. A child that is in day care, gets to experience other children, they get to play with others, and this is important for social skills. These kids will be the ones that are more outgoing that the ones that stay at home.
Another point, maybe both parents have good paying jobs, and by having a day care watch the kids, this allows the parent to make more money, and provide better a better life for the child.
I guess there are pro's and con's to both.

Answer 3

"daycare is proven to be less helpful for development than being with Mother"

And for every study you find, there are three more that say the opposite. Social interaction with peers doesn't happen staying at home.

I'm glad that you are able to do this, even struggling. But there are others that cannot, and that is just the way it is. Hopefully they find a good childcare center that can also provide for their children the love and attention that they need. Plus, there are other hours in the day. I am sure if you ask adults who were put in child care as children, they will say that they didn't feel less loved because of it.

And would you rather an able bodied person stayed on welfare to stay at home with their children, and the rest of us picked up the tab? I don't think so. Keep an open mind, and realize that what might be right for you, isn't right for everyone.

Answer 4

I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my children, but I can understand the situations that might require other parents to turn to daycare.

By the time we pay our monthly bills and put some money aside for our kid's schooling we BARELY survive on my husband's salary. I haven't bought myself a new shirt or had my hair done in three years! I clip coupons, shop clearance racks and if we want a "date night" we tuck the kids into bed and check out a movie from the library lol We never eat at restaurants, pretty much any recreational activity we do is something free...like trips to the park.

Once our youngest starts full-day school (1st grade in our district) I will be returning to work part-time during the days to ease the financial pressure.

HOWEVER...I can say with absolute certainty...if either my husband or I were still paying on our student loans, there would be absolutely no way we could make ends meet on one salary. (without being on some form of government assistance) therefore I can sympathize with parents who honestly can not afford to stay home, no matter how much they tighten their belts.

The only time it bothers me to see children sent to daycare are cases where the family doesn't depend on that second income and both parents are working just to fund an extravagant life style.

Answer 5

Yes babies do need to be with their parents but there is nothing wrong with socialization no matter what the age. If you find a good day care there wont be any harm in your childs development. You just have to watch out to make sure you get a good one. Also when you are with your child, you make it quality time. There are so many children out there that are brilliant and happy and normal and guess what they attended day care. As long as the parents do spend time with their children and send them to good day cares everything will turn out alright. Whats the difference in having your six month old at day care who wont remember being there or having your two year in old in a preschool or even a three or four year old in preschool or kindegarten. Now that child will remember being left and will even cry when you leave, but guess what they get over it and grow up normal. Same goes for daycare. You really shouldnt judge people. Just because you can handle no daycare and staying at home doesnt mean everyone can. And no Im not biased because I am a stay at home mom.

Answer 6

To try to provide a better life for them then living in poverty, in crime ridden neighborhoods, with terrible schools. When I left my abusive husband, I was a stay at home mom with two babies (at the time, they were 1 1/2 yrs and 6 mths). I had to find a job and start all over. It was heartbreaking and scary. But I did it, though not without the help of government assistance. Once I began moving up the ladder at work, I didn't qualify for assistance any more. I scrimped and saved and sacrificed for several years to put them in a high quality daycare where they received an excellent pre-school education. They also became quite social and self-confident. My kids are sweet and affectionate, I love them more than anything and I would do it all again if I had. What I did saved them. You can think what you want.

Answer 7

I too am a SAHM. With all the crazies in the world I shudder at the thought of placing my child in daycare. My husband owns his own business and works 6, sometimes 7, days a week to make this possible. We are truly blessed to be in a positition where I can stay home and raise our children.

That being said, I think it is appalling that you would attack parents that have no other choice but to put their children in daycare. Contrary to your belief, for some there is no other choice. There are a lot of hard working people out there that live a modest life and just can't afford to stay home with their kids. If I were in a financial position that required me to work I would have to put my children in daycare. We live very modestly and there is nothing left that we could cut back on, we don't have family or friends that could take care of them, I would have no other choice. Would you prefer to see people living out of cardboard boxes with thier kids just so they could be at "home" with them? You do need to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies!

Also, NO, you don't have the right to judge others. I don't care if "everyone else does it". Are you 12? No person has the right to judge another without first walking a mile in his/her shoes!

(As a side note to Kate M ~ my husband IS one of those daycare kids you refer to in your answer and he insists I stay home with our children. So you may want to get your facts straight before you start handing out your psychological wisdom.)

Answer 8

Well my brother lives in rural Quebec. He sends his daughter to daycare for 3 reasons. 1. He is not bilingual and wants her to be exposed to 1st language french (The daycare is french) 2. Socialising, without daycare she would meet almost no other children and be a screwed up adult 3. To get a break for his sanity so that he can give her love and not be constantly on the edge of a breakdown.
Is there a problem with these you think? :)

Answer 9

You shouldn't judge others. It's in the bible for God's sake it's not human nature. You're just needing to feel high and mighty. I am a stay at home mom because I am lucky enough to be. But what if your husband left or God forbid died? Or are you on welfare? What if how ever you do it stopped working? You would rather your kids starve instead of going to work? People have to work whether you like it or not. It's the way of the world not everyone gets to sit on their throwns and judge everyone like you do. I think you coud do with some education. But I guess that would be beneath you too huh? Daycare is very good for children if it's the right one. There are plenty of good people who actually care for kids and take good care of them. Good for you that you can be with your kid, good for me too. The difference between you and I though, is that I don't think I'm so much better than everyone else. I think working women have it twice as hard as I do. Everything I can get done during the day, such as cooking dinner, cleaning, laundry, spending time with my son ect, a working mom has to come home after working all day and do all that at night. Get off your high horse, one day you may be like that. Parents who put their kids in day care love them just as much as we do. Get this, some women actually like to work and are able to give their kids things that YOU never will. I don't understand people like you. You make stay at home moms look like uneducated, stuck up witches. Thank you for that.

Answer 10

I understand your frustration. But sometimes people cant "do without" to home their child. It is so hard on jsut the middle class, let alone those that are poor. And I know that some will say hey of your cant afford it then dont have children. Well, in reality that is not the case.

It is hard, I know. I hate putting my baby in daycare just to wk part-time so i can pay my car insurance and light bill while my husband wks out of town 2-3 weeks in a row.

it is not as easy as you think. But I understand your frustration.

Answer 11

First of all, I don't "shove" my child anywhere. Yes, kids do need to be with their parents. But they also need to have food, clothing, hot/cold air, and a homelife that is satisfactory to growing up happy. In other words, with some semblence of income. I, like yourself, am not rich. I do not enjoy the time I give up with my child, nor does any woman I know that must utilize daycare. However, I do enjoy knowing that she loves being there, with children to play with, and caregivers who shower her with affection. I, too, am planning on staying home with my daughter after the first of the year when I have FINALLY been able to get myself stable enough to do it. However, I will not pass judgements on other mothers who are just trying to give their child the best possible life, too. It doesn't mean they love their children any less than you, and believe me nobody relishes missing out on their children's baby years.