he's bipolar... and unreachable?

Question

I met a guy who is diagnosed bipolar (on medicine) and we hit it off really great – spent a little time together which was amazing. Then he stopped talking to me ... almost overnight. We never got to establish a relationship... which is very sad since it was exciting to both of us. He had a few crazy things happen to him and now he’s checked himself into a hospital (to get balanced, I guess). He told me this over a few short, random emails.

I think he might have been a little manic when we met (not extremely... based on the research I’ve done... but a little). So, I’m having a hard time figuring out what was real and what was not real. I miss him so I’m still hoping he’ll come around after treatment... but I fear that I’ve lost him. He’s unreachable... the only way I have to reach him is by email – which feels like a lost cause. Any advice?

Answer 1

You probably want to help him, you like him, you liked the nice time you had with him... BUT, he is not in a good place, and trying to save him is just going to harm you. I hate to say this, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, and don't get yourself into this one too much as it'll just cause you a lot of pain. Having been in situations with unsuitable guys before, I had to learn to nip it in the bud when I saw the first red flag (and boy, is this a HUGE one for so many reasons). That was a hard lesson to learn, but after deciding to only spend time with guys without big red flags, I found a lovely fellow.

Move on, and if in a few years he's okay, he'll contact you. I'm sorry :(. It hurts sometimes.

Answer 2

He may have been in a manic period when you met and now what they call crashing. Once the Doc finds the correct medication to treat a patient the patient must be devoted to take their medication religiously. Missing a dose can throw a patient into a manic or depressed mode. Sometimes, bipolar patients start feeling better and quit taking their med and the cycle begins again. Once a patient understands their illness & truly wants to succeed in life they will find the right med and be faithful. Others will never learn and continue with the cycles because that is what the norm is for them. Give him his time and space be a friend. Too many fishes out there for you to choose from. Not to say dont date bipolar people cause most bipolar people who have their illness in check are extremly intelligent/creative and can or did succeed in anything. Ex President Lincoln, Pres. Roosevelt, Florence Nightengale (founder of Nursing) Drew Carey, Jim Carey, and the list goes on and one. Search famous people with bipolar you'll be amazed. He must want to be reached and it sounds like he is refusing your calls or didn't give you the number where he can be reached. In mental hospitals patients have lots of rights. With phone privilage the patient chooses whom they want to talk to. Don't get down if he doesn't call cause I'm sure embarassment and his ego will get in the way. You sound like you know what your talking about believe and trust in yourself. Its okay to want to help and miss him but dont waste time trying to find answers that are already inside of you. Advice love yourself to the fullest.

Answer 3

All of the answers you have received so far just contribute to societys negative stigma on mental illness. He is bipolar so what. While on medication bipolar individuals function as normal as you and me if we are considered so called normal, he is probably having a difficult time with his meds and levels at this time and it is a positive thing that he recognizes that he needs help and is going to get it. You say you can only reach him by email, then he is not unreachable. Email him and continue to be his friend,. If this relationship is supposed to go in another direction- boyfriend/girlfriend, then it will happen on its own, you can't force that or say its not happening because he is bipolar. If you truly want to be his friend you will give him the time and space he needs at this time and be there for him when he feels more able to cope with a relationship even if it is only by being a good friend to one another.

Answer 4

I married a person diagnosed with bi-polar. It is a really difficult life. He is now disabled due to his problems and I am the only one supporting him financially. The problems we face are almost impossible to deal with at times. I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but speaking from experience, you would probably be better off cutting ties with him now. The person you met may, or may not be, his true self. Unless you are interested in the constant struggle, move on.

Answer 5

That sounds EXACTLY like what happened to me last September. I met who I thought was the man of my dreams. We had more things in common then anyone I have ever met and we got along perfectly. He told me also that he was bipolar but that he had it under control. I seriously would have married this guy. We hung out everyday and we went on amazing dates. At the time I didn't know much about bipolar syndrome but I did notice that right before he "disappeared" that going on dates was like babysitting a small child. I loved his energy though. He was still fun. Then the last day I saw him he took me to the mall and spent 300 dollars on me and even more on himself. I told him not to buy me anything but that didn't help. He called me later that night and said he wanted to be my boyfriend and that we're so perfect for eachother and that he would see me on Saturday. Saturday rolls around and I got all ready for our date, no call, no show, he wouldn't pick up the phone, nothing! The next day in class (we were in a theatre class at college) he didn't show. In fact he never showed up to class again. He then quit college. He was on scholarship and straight As too. He litterly disappeared off the face of the earth. A few months later he sent me a message saying we should meet at a park and hang out. But he never showed up. No one has really heard from him in a year. His phone is shut off. He does reply criptically or sends random messages on facebook. But its not the guy I was falling in love with.

The best advice I have for you is just give up. He's not worth it. Its confusing. I talked to my psyc teachers about it and she said I was best to just leave it alone no matter how much I liked him. Its been almost a year since I've seen him. He did show up at my house one time randomly in October and acted completely crazy. He put a 20 dollar bill in my fish tank then sprayed my windows with Windex for 10 minutes. Seriously he was creeping me out. So sorry babe its just not worth it. That disorder is so complicated. They have a lot going wrong with them that medicine can't fix. I wish it could be better.

Answer 6

yes i got some advice if you really like him help him by praying to the lord also by putting your self in he's place i mean think about do you think any body wants to go through that NO THEY DON'T at time your okay and than the next it's like your with a whole new different person bipolarness can also cause depression be with him at those times even those he might say he doesn't need you trust me he does take him somewhere he likes, kuddle you know everybody needs love do it before it's too late people who don't have others to help them think evil thoughts that don't come from God if you pray daily for him or when ever if you really care about him God will listen and help ou out after all he give his only son for you!
good luck and god bless

also one one thing sometimes taking him to the hospital isn't also the problem solver but THE LORD AND LOVE IS!!!!!! i think that you are meant to help him if he feels comforable around you like it sounds maybe that's your purpose who know..hehehe

Answer 7

since he went into hospital, i would say he is suicidal. honestly, his real personality is likely very similar to what you've seen only not so dramatic if that word fits. your personality doesnt really change as you recover, you just become more flat and steady somewhere in the middle between this mania and depression. who you are remains virtually unchanged in my experience.

Answer 8

If he doesn't get any better, im afraid your just going to have to let him go.. No matter how hard it is for you, let him go gently if he still cares for you. Go out and meet some new people in the meantime.

Answer 9

obviously he is an unstable bipolar individual if he required hospitalization. They usually are great fun in the manic phase, but oh boy, look out for the down swings, they can literally be murder. You would do well to find a healthier individual and forget about this one.

Answer 10

I'm going to give you cruel advice: forget about him. Move on. Bi-polar disorder is serious and life-long, and this man doesn't have to be your problem. I'm sorry if that sounds cold, I'm just trying to be helpful and honest.