Im from the northern US and my GF is from Southern US. I visited her family the other day. When dinner was ready I felt really awkward. Because the mom served the father and me first. And they waited and waited. I just sat there stareing at them and they were like arent you going to eat? I said yea as soon as you guys get your plate. Then they all gave me a weird look and my GF just motions eating in front of me so I started to eat with the father. Then the daughters and mother got their plates. Then after that I went to help with the dishes and the father looked at me like I was a moron and he said boy get outta the kicthen unless your a (slur for gay people). I know I was raised that my mom cooks the dinner and so we should do the dishes. Was this family just weird or is this Southern tradition that the men get their food first and leave the kitchen right after their done eating? Any other traditions that someone can warn me about?
2007-08-10 05:42:56 · 13 answers · asked by Mr. Martini 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Not at all...
I think this family just has some very weird & old fashioned ideas about gender.
I would bring it up to your GF. It may cause problems down the road if you don't talk about it now...
2007-08-10 05:50:51 · answer #1 · answered by Kier22_2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In an agricultural economy, often the men were served first because they had to get back to the fields after lunch (which many Southerners call dinner) and go finish chores after dinner (which many Southerners call supper) before they could settle for the night. Serving the men first, I believe, is a carry over from that period, although no one I know actually has the women wait a significant length of time before serving themselves. I do not believe the epithet mentioned is particularly a Southern thing. Although some men I know help with the dishes, there does still seem to be a dichotomy in the South that some chores are women's work and others are men's work. I see no problem with this concept if the woman does not have a job outside the home.
Many Southern people today when a large number of people meet for a meal fix plates for the children first so that the adults can enjoy the meal together. I believe the women are often still responsible for cleaning up.
It would be interesting to have some Northern people address this question.
2007-08-10 13:08:36 · answer #2 · answered by kato9tales 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They're old-fashioned. But geez, I'm Southern and have been around a lot of that kinda stuff, but even I've never ever seen the women wait for the men to start eating before they got their food and began eating... they might serve the men and children first, but then they go ahead and serve themselves, whether the men/children are eating or not. And yeah, women probably usually do the dishes, too.
I don't know about other traditions to warn you about... I mean I guess some things are just so commonplace to me, I wouldn't think of them to tell you. I'm sure as long as you are nice and courteous you will be just fine!
2007-08-10 18:50:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm from the south, Louisiana. On my father's side of the family, the men were served then the women & children were served and the women cleaned. On my mother's side, my grandfather cooked & everyone ate together & my grandfather usually cleaned. (he's Cajun & the BEST cook ever). In my family my husband (Cajun as well) does most of the cooking, we all eat together, and my husband or I take turns cleaning. I think everyone in the family is equal and should share in the bounty & cleaning & cooking as well. So I'm not sure it's a southern thing, it just may be the way the particular family is. Good luck. 2D
2007-08-10 12:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by 2D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is a southern thing, as men are supposed to be served first unless there are children involved then they get fed along with the fathers. I am a northern girl and my husband is a southern boy and it doesnt happen here we eat together after we serve the boys and my mom.
2007-08-10 16:46:16 · answer #5 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im from North Carolina and I have heard the men not allowed to stay in the kitchen or to even do the dishes, most of the time at a family get together the men usually go first but I have never heard of it being that way in regular meals.
2007-08-10 12:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Disclaimer: grew up in SC, though I was not born here.
Yes, that's normal...for 1950. Unfortunately there are a lot of people down here who think it's still 1950.
My suggestion is just go with the flow. Southerners have quirky traditions but they're also (generally) exceedingly gracious and polite, so it's kind of a trade-off.
2007-08-10 13:22:12 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Girlfriends family may be practicing traditions of the "old" South. Where it is very common for the women in the family to be more subservient to the male counterparts in the family. The head of household brings home the bacon and the woman cooks it.
2007-08-10 12:53:16 · answer #8 · answered by kevin t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm originally from Oklahoma and have never heard this happen at the dinner table. What is your gf nationality?
Growing up I was surrounded by an Armenian grandfather and German grandmother and they had traditions like this one.
2007-08-10 12:52:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really wierd. Back in like the 1940s they use to do that but Ive never heard of that in the present times. I live in Florida too.
2007-08-10 12:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by Jamie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋