Whats with the wedding do-overs?

Question

Ive seen lots of people doing this in this forum recently. Even if I didnt get the wedding of my dreams, I would feel too silly re-staging a wedding when I was already married. After getting married, Id like to move forward with the marriage. Id like to know what other people think about this.

Thanks for all the great responses! Just to clarify, my question is not about celebrating anniversaries with big parties (which is totally fine). My question is about re-doing the wedding a year or two after the fact.

Answer 1

I had no idea that people do this until I started spending some time on this forum. I think it's very strange. I believe you get one bite at the wedding apple. It can't be a wedding if you're already wedded. You get the wedding you got. End of story.

Answer 2

I guess I am one of the people you are talking about. We are having a big party for our 10th anniversary next year. We arent doing the vow renewal because its only been 10 years and we feel our vows are still fresh in our minds (my husband feels that renewals should only be done this early if there has been some problems in the marriage, there have been no problems in ours), but we are having the "reception" part of the wedding. Mainly our reason is because we were very young when we married and were strong armed into a wedding that was not really of our choosing and we both look back on the day we married very sadly because his family was so darn nasty about everything. So now that we are older and 10 years is coming up we thought we'd throw a big party with dinner and dancing at a formal catering hall, all on our own dime, no presents necessary or requested (in fact a no presents request will be made), just come and celebrate the incredible feat of actually making it to 10 years in this day and age. We both know that there is no "re-creating" the actual feel of a wedding day, but having this party, we hope, will dull our strong feelings of sadness over our wedding day and create some awesome memories for us to carry through until our 50th anniversary.

Sorry to hear that you find celebrating milestones silly.

Answer 3

I agree, it's gotten way out of hand. A person in my community was asked a few years ago why he didn't want to renew his wedding vows on his anniversary and he answered,"Because I meant it the first time. Renewing by definition would mean that we felt we needed reminding of the commitment we made and I've never been more serious about my commitment to my wife". I thought that was quite a beautiful and touching tribute to their devotion and, yes, it's just one person's opinion, it does make me wonder sometimes why people feel they need to "re-commit" to each other. Were they not serious enough the first time?

I know sometimes people get married in civil services and later down the road, want to have the church's blessing on their union and I certainly understand that, but there are more humble ways of doing this, such as a small private ceremony or even some churches incorporate blessing a couple's marriage as part of the regular weekly services.

Anniversary parties are a much better way to celebrate a marriage's longevity. I know that often groups of friends only manage to gather together for an event like a wedding, so giving an anniversary party is a great way to get together with people who you might not have seen since your wedding or even people who couldn't make it the first time. Plus, at an anniversary party, you can actually spend some quality time with everyone, and not get yanked in 14 different directions by the photographer.

I think for many people, it boils down to wanting gifts as well as wanting to be at the center of attention and in control of everything. I think many people do the whole "do-over" thing because if they just have a basic anniversary party, or have a low key religious service, it doesn't entail weeks of pampering, hours and hours of everyone's undivided attention or a two hour soiree where they call all the shots .

Answer 4

I think theres nothing wrong with a wedding do-over. I think that its fun. Its like an anniversary, should you not celebrate an anniversary since you got married? Should you not celebrate your birthday since your first one?
Any excuse to celebrate and get all your loved ones together is fine by me. I know in my future I will renew my vows every ten years. Its a re-commitment to eachother over and over and theres nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make your marriage weak or "stuck" (not moving forward) but is rather a celebration of the love that is there and not lost.

Answer 5

I think a vow renewal after 10 years is nice, but for the most part I agree with you.

I do like people who have a big reception at home after a destination (or even a courthouse) wedding though. It gives everyone a chance to celebrate with the couple.

Answer 6

I totally agree with you! I don't know where people get the idea that it is at all appropriate.
Sure, there is nothing wrong with anniversary parties, or even having a vow renewal on the 25th or even 10th anniversary, but they are NOT another wedding! Just a nice party.
I suppose some couples, brides especially, just don't like the consequences of their choices -- but that's all part of being mature and living in reality.

Answer 7

We did ours over mainly for our families. We eloped the first time and my father never let us hear the end of it. He kept saying how he never got to walk his baby down the aisle and how he only has 2 pictures of the ceremony. So when we renewed our vows (after a few rocky years) we decided that we would include everyone this time including our kids. At first I was against it but since my sisters and my step mother did most of the planning I was able to enjoy it instead of it being a burden like most weddings. Since we were already married it was a totally different ceremony, we were reaffirming our love for each other and celebrating the hurdles we already crossed. It was a wonderful gift to us from my parents. And our families got to be apart of this special moment. We didn't register for gifts and the money that was given to us was placed in our children's college fund as well as a local charity.

Answer 8

I don't think there's anything wrong with a special "renewal of vows" between the couple (only) - maybe at a destination - for a big anniversary - like the 10th or something. (in fact I am planning on doing a vow renewal next year for my 10th in Tahaiti) OR, in having big party for your 25th or 40th wedding anniversary and renewing your vows with all your family and friends there.
But yeah - this whole "do it again" thing, when you've nbeen married a year or two? - that is kind of weird!

Answer 9

I completely agree. If you got married in a courthouse because of circumstances or finances, then that was your wedding. If you didn't want it, you didn't have to have it. If someone wants to get married but can't afford much, then the wedding you have is what you can have. That's your wedding.

A great many on this forum believe that nothing is acceptable as a wedding other than something huge, white, full of guests, gifts, hassles, showers, bachelorette parties, engagement parties, everything connected with a superstar wedding. They want a wedding that cost more than Daddy ever made in his lifetime, and what's more, everyone tells them they "deserve" it! They justify it by saying it is the wedding of their "dreams" and they have been planning it since birth.

Answer 10

I absolutely agree with you! There are so many people on this forum who "has to get married ASAP" but then what the whole wedding shebang. I think it's ridiculous. The only reason I see for this silliness is if someone's in the military and about to go to war.

I think this a a sign that there are too many people not mature enough for marriage but they get married anyway.