My daughter is just not close to me how can I change it?

Question

I love my 11 year old daughter so much. But I don't feel we are close. I give her what she wants within reason. I try to give her alone time with me. But she isn't close to me like my son is. My son comes up to me all the time and just hugs me or sits with me. She only hugs me when I go to work thats it. Never just because. She always complains she is bored, but when I try to do things with her she says she is not interested in what I suggest. I ask her what she wants to do and she tells me I don't know, never mind. I want my daughter to love me and know how much I love her. What can I do?

Answer 1

Wow, I'm right with you on that one!! I have one daughter like that, and my other daughter and son are always all over me. Not only like your situation, but she also eggs me on to try to get me mad. I will keep looking at your question for the answers. You're not alone!!

Answer 2

First relax a bit. Girls this age (preteen) can be like this. If you know what her interests are plan some activities, don't ask her first just tell her you have something planned and she will be joining you. One thing you might try is taking her to a large department store and let her have one of those complimentary makeup makeovers ( ask the clerk to go light) but let her wear it for the rest of the day, do lunch at somewhere she likes afterward. Explain to her that she is to young to wear makeup but today is your special day and you will make an exception. When you get her having fun and thinking you are neat, try to get her talking. Find out what her interests are, her concerns. She's at an awkward age but as long as you keep the lines of communication open she will come around. Just because she isn't as demonstrative as your son doesn't mean she doesn't love you just as much.

Answer 3

I had to look and see who asked this, wondering did I do it and forgot??

This sounds just like my relationship with my 11 year old daughter. I have three kids total. The 11 year olds are boy/girl twins....and I feel so much distance from her. Its very strange. When the twins were born, their dad immediately took to our daughter.....he always held her, fed her, changed her, did everything....she was almost 10 days old before he would even let me hold her.

Of course, this means that I had our son.....did everything for him........I don't think my daughter and I ever bonded the way I did with her brother and sister.......I try to joke around with her, talk to her and she just looks at me with this look on her face...a blank look....

I really don't think we ever bonded as mother and child should from birth and it makes me sad.....I want that connection with all three kids.

Their father and I are now divorced and its a definitely noticeable thing.....our daughter LOVES to go to their dads for the weekend, while our son would rather stay home with me.......

The only thing I know to tell you is just keep trying. Figure out what it is she likes to do and then do it with her. Sit in her room and listen to music with her or watch a movie she wants to watch......Its about all you can do...is just keep at it until the situation improves.....

Best of luck....I know what it feels like....

Answer 4

I'm sure your daughter loves you and knows that you love her too. Your daughter reminds me a little of myself when I was a child. I love my mother, but as a kid I just wasn't into showing I cared. I preferred doing things on my own than with my parents or siblings. Just keep reinforcing that you love her and care about her and she'll get the clue as she gets older; I'm much closer to my mother now (in my twenties) than I ever was as a kid.