Do you think it's wrong to date someone if you know you'd never marry them?

Question

Would you do that? why or why not?

And is there any way to make it clear you don't see a future without being a jerk about it....?

Answer 1

A date is qualitatively different from a night out with a friend. There's the assumption that a romantic relationship may develop, and that's pretty much the purpose of dating. So it would be misleading and dishonest if you've allowed the other person to have the expectation that the relationship might go somewhere that you know it never will.

On the other hand, if you make it absolutely clear that you will never be more than friends, and the other person would like to see you on a friendly basis there's no reason why not. If it were me, I'd decide based on whether I thought the other person had a real emotional investment in me. If that was the case, it would not be a kindness to encourage them to invest more of themselves into a situation that's going nowhere.

As to how to do it, calmly explain that you recognize all the other person's good qualities but they're just not the one for you. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into argument or defending your decision; be firm and kind and final.

Answer 2

I think that dating is a way to get to know someone to see if you are compatible to see how well you get along with each other! If it ends in marriage in a couple of years then all the better! If not then its another chapter in your book of life! But dating someone and not marrying them its perfectly fine! That's the whole point to dating. You can't just go on one date and expect to marry them the next day. Your husband is not going to fall out of the sky you have to go and look for them! If you are looking for something long term make sure that you let your date know but not on the first date because that is going to put a dent on another date! I say once you have gone on more than 3 or 5 dates and you are comfortable with this person then you can talk more long term. But don't expect them to ask you to marry them within months! It takes a year or two being bf/gf before this person can see themselves marrying and spending the rest of their lives with you! Slow down a bit and take life as it comes because with some people they never find the right person and are alone and with others it comes so easy but be patient!

Answer 3

If you are already dating and know there is no real future in it, you are better off breaking it off now. If you want to have children, and you get involved in a long term not serious relationship, this could make it impossible for you to fufill that part of your life. Also, you may be missing out on meeting Mr. Right by sticking around Mr. Wrong. If marriage is in your dreams, and not in his, he is not going to change, so dump him now. People are very honest about what they really want out of life if you really listen to what THEY are saying.

For example, if he says hes not ready to settle down, doesn't want to be TIED down, can't see being with one person his whole life, these are all big clues that he will be unhappy, and might be unfaithful. Neither of you will be happy in the long run, because if one pressures the other, it steeps and ferments and comes out later.

As far as just going out to dinner or a movie with a friend, there is nothing wrong with that. But before you get in a sexual relationship, you should ask yourself if you will be happy being in this persons life forever. Because if you get pregnant, you may be together forever, in the life of the child. Ideally, we would only have to date a few people then find Mr. Right. Just let things go slow with a new beau, and when you realize he isn't the one, gently thank him for his time, and say that as nice as he has been, you think your morals-goals-etc are different, and you need to move on.

Answer 4

A little annoyed by Tom's answer. While looking for someone to spend your life with (from the religion point of view... which is mostly, you know, marriages brought together and sold for three goats and a flask of beer)i s a valid and honorable notion, you do not have to be looking to marry by the first date. What happened to courting people? If you are looking to exclusively marry, and only lookin for a certain "forever" type, you might miss someone who could turn out to be a good friend, or perhaps, you never know, someone you want to marry. Don't go thinking its linear, and that you have to follow some religious text or cosmo magazine. If you have fun, you are learning a valuable lesson, what you want in a man. But just don't lead him on.

Answer 5

Of course not! Dating is a way to get to know more about other people as well as yourself. It takes time and everyone is not fortunate enough to find the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with on the first go round. Dating is a great way to experience different people and different things. Some relationships never show signs of a future and then before you know it, you end up with someone you couldn't imagine spending the rest of your life without. If you don't see a future with someone you have to be firm and polite. Let them know that you enjoy their company and their friendship, but you don't see the relationship progressing. If you want to be friends, let them know, if not keep it moving. You can't please everybody.

Answer 6

Of course not, why would it be? Dating isn't only for the purpose of finding a spouse...however if you know for certain your partner is marraige-minded then you should be honest that such isn't the case for you.

Some people simply like having a partner...someone to share things with, be intimate, etc but without the goal of some day marrying...I've dated a lot of guys that weren't marriage material for me, and right now I'm not interested in every marrying again, but that doesn't mean I want to be alone the rest of my days.

If you don't see marriage in the future with someone, if the subject comes up let them know that's not where you are...

Answer 7

No, not neccessarily. If he feels it's wrong, then you shouldnt do it cause you already know. I would date someone that I knew I wouldn't marry if I really liked them a lot. And who knows, maybe a miracle would happen and you would fall in love with each other and end up getting married.
As far as the jerk part, just say to him, "I want to get married and I really like you but I dont think we're gonna get married to each other".
I think you're a nice girl and you can say it in a nice way and it wont hurt him and he'll understand.

Answer 8

No, of course it's not wrong. People date all the time without intentions of marriage. Look at teenagers, they can go through two boyfriends/girlfriends a week or one for four years without planning a wedding. Is the person you are currently dating talking to you about marrige? If so, tell them that you are not exactly ready for that kind of commitment yet. You don't have to say, "I want to get married, just not to you."

Answer 9

It is only wrong if you lie to your date about your intentions.

Some people date for the sake of dating, while others are more marriage minded. You need to make this clear on the first date, second at the most, what you want out of a potential relationship. It is best to retreat early than after you have already invested yourself emotionally.

Answer 10

Well I don't think it's wrong, its good experience in being in a relationship.

I wouldnt do that...only reason I'd date someone but never see a future is cuz that girl is hot or something but other than that.

Try to be really good close friends then but dont have a future together