He is like a 6yr old. He is disgusting. Everything he touches, he makes a mess. I cleaned and mopped the kitchen. It was spick & span. He comes in, gets a spoon, gets a scoop of chocolate ice cream out of the container, spills some on the floor and down the refrigerator, throws the spoon in the sink, and leaves. Just like that! Now there's ice cream on the floor and running down the fridge. When I bring it to his attention he says, "Oh, I didn't see that." That is his answer for everything. Or he'll say, "I wasn't thinking." I can't take it any longer. I have been married for two years now. I love my husband dearly, but this boy is terrible! He has taken my husband's car without permission and crashed it. He had a party while we were away over night and his friends went in our bedroom and stole a coin collection that my daughter and I had been collecting for ten years. I could go on, but there are not enough characters. My husband always defends him. I am ready to leave this marriage.
2007-08-10 03:39:52 · 6 answers · asked by Jonsie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Try not cleaning up after him. Hes an adult. He can do it himself. Leave the messes there.
2007-08-10 03:46:01 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage brings you together as one.
With that said try same page parenting.
"I wasn't thinking." "Oh, I didn't see that." could be that he doesn't give a rip or could be false. Either way it's your home and he's assuming that he is entitled to doing what ever and then just making excuses for himself. Learn to say "that is false" and "pay attention to what you are doing" which I have a feeling he already knows what he is doing.
Far as hubby and dad in the home. I'd bring parenting to his attention and the fact that parents have a responsibility to disapprove and act on negative behavior in their home out of love. Sounds like some lazy parenting going on there or parenting out of guilt. Dad should be modeling respect and appreciation for women to his son so that he sees other choices. Right now what he's teaching his son is that women are maids. Perhaps you can find a civil way to express your care for your step-son to learn to hubby and at the same time let him know that you don't appreciate being disrespected by your own husband as well. Communicate to him things need to get better and what you see needs to happen for that to happen.
If he argues with you you may have a situation where he's using his son to disrespect your authority in the home. If that is the case leave the ice cream on the floor and let hubby see it. His car was taken/crashed by his son wasn't....that should have been a real wake-up call that son is lacking responsibility. If that keeps up your marriage comes first...are you paying attention?
2007-08-10 04:07:28 · answer #2 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm thinking the kid has some issues, which probably stem from the emotional pain of his parents' divorce, so is irresponsible and wreckless. He could be lax and sloppy because of self-esteem issues, which could also make him become thoughtless about others...
Perhaps you could sit down with the child yourself and let him know you want to talk. You could let him know how you feel.
You don't have to be mean or nasty but you could be firm...but i think someone needs to open some lines of communication. let him know you work hard to keep a nice home and you expect him to respect the home and clean up after himself. Let him know you'd appreciate it if he'd pay more attention. Ask him how he feels about this -- that way you'd have his input.
Tell him that you understand he's had a hard time because of his parents divorce, and that he might be struggling... ask him how he feels about that too. Let him know he can talk about it with you anytime, if he needs someone to listen.
Maybe he needs someone to take an interest in HIM.. and realize his feelings?
You might also note you are willing to help him and let him use your things when you can, and on the condition he ASKS. Remind him he's expected to take care of them and respects them... as if they are his own.
another thing you could do (if your insurance or budget will allow) is ask him if he thinks having someone to talk with such as a therapist might help him to sort things out ? hon, i'm sure YOU are at the end of your rope... and he might be too. even after several years, kids can still be experiencing emotional pain because of their parents' divorce -- they went through it too... and it hurts.
It would be a start if you have the energy to do something like this? Since your husband isn't helping, maybe you have to take the bull by the horns and try to get through to the kid, and treat him as if he has feelings and needs... we all do.
It's a thought, and something to try, if you can.
meanwhile, i hope you get some good responses here. take care.
2007-08-10 04:16:56 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk with your hus again. Get counseling if necessary.
This 18 yo is now and adult and needs to be on his own. This "child" is no longer a "child". If he is in college, time to be in a dorm. Believe me, the others in his dorm will ridicule him if he behaves like that. If he is not in college, time to get a job and move out on his own. He should be given a timeline to move with the understanding it will be strictly followed. If your hus is unwilling to help his "boy" grow up and become a MAN, you are better off without him. As parents, we must now when to let go and trust that we have done a good job. At his age, he can't be "parented" anymore. Only the school of hard knocks and experience can help him now.
2007-08-10 04:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of THE most difficult situations one can face in life. Having faced some of this years ago, think about trying to get your husband to understand how his treatment of the boy is abusive. Yes, abusive. He is teaching his son to not be responsible for his own actions and that's abuse. If you give me some time, I can probably come up with books that will demonstrate what we're talking about. Is your husband educable? He needs to understand the dysfunctional life he's teaching his boy and if that message can't get through, you need to protect yourself and your daughter.
If it's any consolation, being a parent it very tough and being a step-parent is MUCH more difficult.
2007-08-10 03:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just talk to him,
dont want to state the obvious but have you explained to your husband how you actually feel about this,rather than letting him defend his son thinking that its not really a major issue.
it sounds to me that you are pretty serious and you need a proper one on one with you hubby before you do anything you might regret later on down the line.
if he rejects you when you tell him how you feel ,,,,sorry i dont think he is the right man.and its some thing you would have to of delt with anyway
2007-08-10 03:57:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋