Any advice one helping my husband deal with my mood swings?

Question

I have been diagnosed with bi polar disorder and my husband is a mental health nurse but constantly escalates rows. This was 3 years ago but my husband is becomming worse and worse at dealing with this. I feel he mentally bullies me and mocks my illness aswell as threatening and being intimidating towords me. Just yesterday he has threatened to beat me up when he gets pissed, he promptly went to the pub and came back with his friends and acted as if nothing has happened. Meanwhile he has reduced me to a state of extreme anxiety.
I am trying to protect my children ans he knows I wont call the police as we have had social service involvement in the past, he jokes about it like 'see you at the conference' and becomes really spiteful. Don't get me wrong, I argue right back but it is usually like a nervous energy as deep down I am petrified of this man, but don't know if I can cope on my own.
Any advice please

I don't have family up here so it is not an option, I had to reluctantly move up here as he ran away with one of the children as I could not bear for them to be parted and I have a frosty relationship with the in laws who think it's all my fault when I know it's only partly me

Answer 1

The first sentence of your question is very revealing. You ask how you can help your husband deal with your mood swings. You then describe his casual cruelty towards you, and by definition, to his children who presumably witness the hostility between the two of you?

I hate to make judgements but this sounds like a destructive relationship and you sound, understandably, very unhappy and frightened?

My own view is that if life has become intolerable, you need to change it. Change can be very frightening but you have only one life and you deserve some peace and happiness. Obviously, Women's Aid are a very good organisation. Also, your local Council should be able to advise you about alternative housing. The other big idea, would be to ask your husband to leave? surely, to be on your own is preferable to this living hell?

All this conflict with your husband is almost certainly not your fault; hold on to that belief.

Good luck and I wish you well. x

Answer 2

This is an incredibly difficult time for both your husband and children but even more so for yourself. He is acting in a manner that is both unreasonable and constitutes nothing more than abuse. The threats of violence are enough to make you wonder why on earth you remain with him? But I understand that in a situation like yours leaving him could be very difficult. I suggest that you talk to your doctor, a social worker or someone who can give you some advice. This needs to be stopped quickly before the situation escalates into something that is not good for you your children or your partner. You need professional help and if you feel your marriage is worth saving then some family counselling may help you all to deal with this difficult situation. No one should live in fear of violence or abuse and your husband should really know better judging by his profession. I would also recommend that you take some time apart for your own good. The children need help to if they are subjected these occurrences and therefore this could be grounds for child protection proceedings. You must also know that the police do not need your evidence to prosecute anymore and many domestic violent incidents are successfully prosecuted without the victims statement.

Answer 3

First of all you shouldn't have to put up with all that.
personally i would take your children and move before he lashes out at them.
He knows your on your own so your a easy target (not saying that you need another man) But go stay wiht friends/family until you can get your own place, if your childred see whats happening they could even learn from it.
As for him the best thing he could do is stop getting "pissed" as he is sounding like a low life pig.
As for you, you don't need all that touble, eating healthy is good for mood swings as things like chocolate may keep you happy for a while having a full healthy diet will help.
Arguing back to your husband isn't going to help mood swinings, i'm not saying don't argue! he shouldn't get you feeling low, if i were you just go, maybe staying with family would help take the kids off your hands for a day or 2 in which you need to go enjoy your self or relax.
Bottom line is. He doesn't deserve you and you need time as a mum to go relax on your own, husbands are meant to respect their wives and even just once in a while do something nice for them (e.g take them out) but he sounds like a Pig to me. Don't let him hold you back as he could be whats making mood swings worse.
Good luck
=)

Answer 4

You say you are diagnosed has bi polar but it seems you husband needs counselling for his mental state of mind (yes I know he is a mental nurse). Talk to him about it, say it is not good for the children to be brought with all the arguments (its not I know I was brought up like that and it does nothing for your self esteem/confidence). If he will not listen or get help leave go to a Women Shelter. Mental abuse is a bad as actual violence if not worse the scars are on the inside no one can see them. Go to Women’s Aid get help leave him as soon as possible if he will not get help. I may be wrong but I have a feeling that he wants you to leave but without the children. You would not be able to care for them on because of your illness – but can believe me.My advise is do all you can to LEAVE HIM and as soon as possible Go to a Women’s Aid centre and ask for advice to start with NOW.

Good luck for the future.

Answer 5

No, don't even try to deal with this on your own. Go to counseling, and start making plans to move you and your children out of the house. If your parents are near-by, have them come to pick you up when you are ready to go, so you are all safer. You do not need this in your life, you cannot teach your children how to live when you have so many negative examples in your own life.

The social network should also be able to help you. One place to look for help is a local abused women's shelter. Welfare social workers should know who to call.

You asked for help for your husband. You cannot do anything to change him. He has to ask for it himself. He knows what resources are available. Those resources have been around a long time, if he hasn't sought help already, he is not going to ask for help any time soon. Once an abuser, always an abuser. Go for help and create a happy future for yourself and your children.

Answer 6

Having kids isn't a reason to stay together. If you and your husband are unhappy, your kids will see that. What's most important is that you and your kids are happy. Do you really want to live with a moody husband the rest of your life? If marriage counselling doesn't help, it's time to consider leaving in my opinion

Answer 7

get a tape or video recorder and hide it well but switch it on whenever he is due home. when you have enough tapes change the locks on the doors, pack his things and send them to his place of work one day . Do this about 2 hours after you have been to see a solicitor to start diviroce proceedings with the tapes. Also tell social serivces what you have done as you come out of the solicitors. Please - do not worryy aboiut coping on your own - compared to what you are coping with now it will be nothing.

Answer 8

Decide weather to pick up a rigorous exercise program, because rigorous exercis can put bipolar into remission. Talk to your husband about doing that, explain him that you love him and ask him if he would be willing to support you by going to support groups(Department of Mental Health offers counseling and supportgroups). Then start exercising. In addition to that, you can take glyconutrients, they do not interfer with medication, but eventually the exercise and the supplement will stabilize you and help you to live a normal life. The product is called Advanced Ambrotose Complex, it is not a miracle cure and works at the base of the body's cell, helping to produce more cells and establishing better cellular communication in the body and helping to regulate the activity of the brain. Here is a couple of websites you can visit to get info
www.mannapages.com/marianna
www.glycoscience.org

Answer 9

i jokingly tell my missus "shad up or i'll give yer a slap" she retorts back "oh yeah an you'll be chewing on your balls by morning" all a joke well meant without malice. but if i told her "i'm gonna get drunk an slap yer about" she'd bounce my ars'e out the door. thats a threat because when drunk, people are not in control of their actions. thats not a joke thats a threat. what man threatens a woman anyway. leave him, your bi-polar not stupid

Answer 10

please leave him...hes unstable and its only a matter of time before he lashes out. think of your children..it cant be good for them living in this atmosphere and seeing the rows. please call women aid and see if they can put you up temporary until they can rehouse you or go and stay with family. your husband needs help but whilst u stay there he wont get it as he sees nothing wrong and thinks you will just accept it. good luck and be safe. x