How do I get people to leave me alone without being rude?

Question

I'm a loner/outsider. I'm a student, so I'm constantly around people. I don't like to talk, and would rather go to class and do my work without being bothered, but it seems I can't get through one day without someone trying to make conversation with me. For instance, I'll be on break, reading by myself, and someone starts talking to me (someone who has seen me around). I just want to finish my work in peace. I'd like to go back to my apartment and study, but all the stuff I need to do research on is on campus. Or I'll be at a bar/cafe/lounge, and someone will come up to me, ramdomly, and start making conversation, while I sit there, frustrated, and wanting to walk away. It's not that I hate people, but I like peace, quiet, and I really don't care about what people have to say about the weather and sports and television and I hate being hit on...

What can I do to avoid conversation without appearing rude and arrogant?

Answer 1

One word... headphones. Big, obvious ones. Even if you dont want to listen to music, no one else will know you're not. Hope I helped, or at least made you smile!

(gypz9, surely you realize there is a difference between "social" and "public". Just because this person is going out in public, doesn't mean they want to be sociable!)

Answer 2

I have the same kind of personality, so I understand your frustration. But hang on, for I am going to suggest something a bit counter-intuitive. Here goes: get a friend who can hang out with you a part of the time around the campus. Said friend should be the same as you - quiet and into books, so you'd have to make the minimal amount of conversation to them, just enough to let people know you're working on something together, or maybe enjoying quality time together :) It's far less likely someone approaches you once you already have company. And since said company doesn't bother you, it should work.

I can see the problems this rises - most of all, you probably think that if there were such a person around you, you'd already be friends. But chances are you haven't looked hard enough. Geeks are everywhere (and universities contain even higher concentrations), and they are usually very understanding of any "weird" habits once you earn their trust.

Other than that, there's not much you can do, except hanging around in the library a lot, or finding some weird spot nobody frequents. And being a tad rude to those who do bother you, but then... it is your right, and you shouldn't care what the easily offended think about you. Good luck.

Answer 3

wow, that's a tough question. although this might be considered lying, maybe you could explain that you're swamped with a huge workload and you need to finish by the end of the day or something...they'll probably understand and leave you alone. or just simply say, "i'm sorry but i'd really like to be alone right now but maybe we can talk some other time" if you don't want to sound rude. or, my last suggestions, put on earphones or something so it'll seem like your listening to music and maybe they won't disturb you. although there are some people who will try and tap you on the shoulder to get your attention. well, that's all i got. good luck.

Answer 4

I've had this problem too, and a guy friend of mine gave the BEST advice that works like a charm every time...AND you don't have to be outwardly rude. Nothing speaks of your disinterest in him louder than ignoring him! DO NOT answer his phone calls or his emails anymore. He will get the message. If you see him in person and he asks about just nicely say you've been busy. It has worked so well for me. Guys hate to be ignored...try it!

Answer 5

Well, I would suggest that you make yourself a small cardboard tent sign that says Please do not disturb. Put this on the table where you are... If people don't get it, then there isn't much you can do.

As for telling people to leave you alone, I don't understand why you have to be rude. I would have no trouble telling people "Sorry, but I really am not in the mood for company right now. I'm busy working on something and am unable to talk with you." Have you tried that????

Answer 6

They're just trying to be friendly. It wouldn't hurt you to be kind back instead of being rude. I mean maybe if you are really busy and studying, it gets annoying but other than that, I think you can make the effort.
If it gets into a really long conversation when you're doing something however, then just tell them you're really busy and you enjoyed having a few brief words with them but you have to get back to what you were doing.

Answer 7

You can't. It is normal human behavior to interact with each other. There are many lonely people longing for the spontaneous friendly conversation with others that you appear to dislike. Most people would regard you as rather anti-social and stand-offish

Answer 8

Dude, you are the one who is not normal. Accept that, and you will understand better when and why people come up to talk with you. In some cases you CAN avoid people, stay home, eat and drink at home. But you are becoming, if not already an emotional cripple. In all kindness, you need the services of a professional therapist, not us here in Q&A.

Answer 9

Wear a shirt that reads "Leave Me Alone" and where dark sunglasses while acting like you don't see anyone. Don't bathe for a week till you smell really bad and eat a lot of garlic.

Answer 10

But...you are being rude and arrogant. It's not reasonable to be in social situations and not be part of them. Sitting in a bar, cafe, lounge?What's up with that? People are being kind to you by acknowledging your presence. If you wish to be invisible, stay home. Take your classes on line and have very limited outside exposure. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a loner, it's just not reasonable for you to expect other people to be antisocial unless you are wearing a big sign that says,"Don't speak to me."