Me and my boyfriend have decided to stop having sex as we are not married. We have been sleeping together for 5 months, we deeply love each other and plan to marry, we do not have the finances and were hoping to wait a little longer than 6 months! despite this we have both just become born again christians and have decided to do this for god.
We are finding it extreemly difficult. We dont know what is allowed and what is not allowed. Are we allowed to sleep in the same bed? Its very confusing. Please help.
2007-08-09 19:50:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
For wisdom's sake, sleeping in the same bed is not a good idea. It is like keeping a lit match and dry tinder next to each other....eventually something is going to happen. The bible really is a handbook for living and God revealing his love to us.
Play it safe and keep yourselves from situations that could put you in a an awkward moment. 2 Timothy 2:22 says to "flee youthful lusts". Fleeing is not putting yourself in a situation that would logically result in the two of you having sex outside of marriage again. It is doing everything possible to prevent that.
Please balance everything I am saying with this one true simple fact. God loves you and nothing can or will ever change that (Romans 8:38-39). The only you will do by continuing in this situation is open the door for more condemnation from your own heart and Satan. Romans 8:1-2 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death". Walk in the Spirit and make the choice to be who you truly are in Christ, a new creation.
I encourage you to meditate and think on the scriptures I listed below. I have also included a link to some great free mp3 teachings that would help a lot.
You are blessed and a child of the KING!!!
2007-08-09 20:13:00 · answer #1 · answered by BEN J 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Ok, I think it's time to consult the Bible. This may be a little long, but I think it's the answer you need.
Since this is an issue you're trying to resolve in light of God's will, having given your life to God, let's take a look at what the scriptures say.
(By the way, congratulations on making the right decision to cease having intercourse and looking to marriage first. That is pretty awesome.)
There is one very important thing that you have as a new Christian, and that is your testimony. Basically, it's what others know of you as a Christian. It's the way your life speaks. One of the most important things a Christian should guard is his or her testimony.
Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
The Bible also speaks of Enoch having the testimony that he pleased God.
The point is that if you still live together and sleep in the same bed, you open yourself up, number one, to temptation; and number two, to the speculation of others. Why does it matter what other's think? The Bible says this:
1Th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
The way you present your Christianity will affect those around you, and you want them to see that you're serious about it. Hey, let's be honest; one thing leads to another. The Bible says to flee fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18.) To "flee" means to run away, escape, or shun. It is right to keep your distance until you're married.
One last verse of scripture for you. It's a verse of scripture that refers specifically to the proper conduct of young women.
1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
You don't want to create a situation where someone will fault not only you but Christianity in general. As a Christian, you have a responsibility to keep things above board and be an example. It looks like you're starting out with the right intentions. You're headed for disaster if you get intimate at all before marriage. Keep it right, and you'll be glad you did. Really, you can make it.
Remember, don't ask, "How close can I get to being wrong?" Rather, ask, "How close can I get to pleasing God?"
2007-08-09 20:39:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I commend you for wanting to be obedient to God. But I want to warn you that coming on here, you will get answers from a lot of people that are not christian.
I know that you want to wait for the finances to get married, but how about having a small ceremony now and you can have a full reception later on?
Otherwise, I really would recommend sleeping in different beds if you cannot afford to move out from each other. And, I'm sure if you told your parents that you want to wait for marriage from now on, your parents may not be that disappointed!!
The reason that I suggest different beds is to avoid the temptation that will eventually come back into the situation. You and your boyfriend may definitely have the right goal of staying away from intercourse, but it will be difficult to stay focused on that issue. Your best bet is open communication and to make a decision jointly on how to set limits.
2007-08-09 20:38:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You’ll find it even more extremely difficult if you're sleeping in the same bed I strongly advise you not do that. You should either rent a cheap little apartment or move back in with your parents for the time being to avoid temptation. If he loves and respects you he'll wait.. Make no provision for your flesh (Romans 13:14; 1 Peter 2:11)Guard your heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). Don’t let the demonic realm have access to your thought-life. The Bible commands you to get control of your thoughts; read what Romans 13:14 says, "But clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah), and make no provision for [indulging] the flesh [put a stop to thinking about the evil cravings of your physical nature] to [gratify its] desires (lusts)" (The Amplified Bible). If you give yourself to it, you will become its slave (Romans 6:16). Read the Bible daily, without fail. As you submit to God, the devil will flee (James 4:7,8).
2007-08-09 20:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by cheesesamiches1987 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/yxS7o
2015-01-28 15:23:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
congratulations on becoming born again Christians. and its a good thing you decided to stop having sex until marriage.. that's the way God intended it to be. its going to be very difficult to stay that way though.. I'm not gonna lie. because once you've experienced it.. and since you liked it. its going to be kinda hard to not keep doing it. but just remember you're doing it for God.. about whats allowed and not allowed.. its pretty much common sense.. i believe kisses (not intense enough to get you excited again) are OK, hugs, holding hands are OK. About sleeping in the same bed.. it all depends on you really.. you don't wanna play with fire.. because you're gonna be burned. if sleeping in the same bed is going to lead either of you to start doing things again.. or to even think it.. then its probably not a good idea. if you can maintain self control.. i don't see anything wrong with it. Check this book out. its called:
"Every Young Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburn
its about guarding your mind, heart, and body in this sex saturated world. its a good book with good information. you can buy it at any christian book store. you can also see it at:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=68561&p=1008728
Hope i helped... and i hope you find the answer youre looking for. God Bless!
2007-08-09 20:11:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I commend your decision...don't let people ridicule you for choosing to practice your beliefs.
As for what is "allowed" and what is "not allowed", that isn't the point. You already know what it is that you've decided not to do (have sex)...looking for some imaginary line you can sneak right up to before it becomes "wrong" is a recipe for failure not success.
You said it is extremely difficult...I have no doubt that it is if you're trying to find some safe way to have physical conact or other types of intimacy without having sex. I can't speak for you, but I know it is difficult for me to share a bed with any attractive man without having at least a few sexual thoughts. I've had many male friends (NOT friends with benefits *smile*) that I've shared a bed with for various reasons and it was a struggle not to think about it.
If you want to make your lives easier, focus on making plans for your wedding and discussing your thoughts and feelings and goals for your marriage...don't frustrate yourselves or set yourselves up for failure by trying to find a way to ease your sexual frustration without actually having intercourse. Ask God for his help and console yourself with the knowledge that as soon as you are married, God won't only "allow" you to have sex, he'll actually help you get more out of it than you think possible.
...and don't forget the benefit of knowing that the other person is capable of abstinence...that the person you marry can control his or her sexual needs and drives if it becomes necessary in the future (illness, injury, overnight travel for work, pregnancy, etc.).
2007-08-09 20:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by KAL 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The Bible says to "flee fornication". Sleeping in the same bed isn't "fleeing".
I suggest you live in different houses and adopt some rules that will keep you from being in situations where you are tempted.
If you're headed for marriage, then make those plans and continue on that path.
It doesn't take any money to get married and it's cheaper to live as a married couple than as two singles. Money shouldn't be an obstacle to marriage.
2007-08-09 19:57:25 · answer #8 · answered by Craig R 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
I think the point is you should not have sex untill married. or another way of looking at it is sex means you are married you are joined as one. it is good you have decided to wait and sleeping in the same bed would put a strain on that descition. it is better to get married sooner if you can. although I am sure in God's eyes you are already one. pray on it and think what is best for you.
2007-08-09 19:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't understand this pre marital sex rule. Sex is something people do to reproduce. I don't think it has a lot to do with whether you are married or not. You guys love eachother, and as long as you are being safe(assuming you don't want children just yet) I say go ahead. If there is, indeed, a God, he's been around since the beginning of time, right? And the idea of marriage has only been around for how long? So did all the cavemen go to hell, or what? Because they couldn't possibly know about marriage. But that's just my opinion.
2007-08-09 20:04:53 · answer #10 · answered by meghanhappy 5 · 1⤊ 5⤋