I found out thru my parents that an a friend I had years, and years ago has been battling cancer and just found out that he has lost.. the doctors have given him less than 6 months to live. He and I were casual friends growing up and lost contact. The he and my sister started dating and got engaged. For lots of reasons they did not work out...but he and I had become friends again and sayed friends for a while after there break up... after a while he and I started having problems and then we went our ways...I havent seen or talked to him in over 10 years....Do i suddenly now care about him? if so what do i do? He was an ok person....but i stopped being friends with him cause he was, lazy, a grandmas boy, self centered, lazy...I grew up Ive got a wife ,4 kids, successful buisness, ect...sorry to say but he is still living with grandma....what to I do??
2007-08-09 19:42:00 · 15 answers · asked by jedidaddy 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Sorry - I have to go against the majority on this one.
The last thing that I would want on my deathbed is the guy who I once knew coming to see me - still in my Grans house - telling me all about how successful his life has become.
And what a hypocritacal thing to do!
The man is dying. Death doesn't change many people in my view. You don't become a nice person because you are dying - we die as we live.
Look - this is guilt kicking in and I don't think that you have anything to be guilty about. A thousand people a day are dyng from cancer and equally awful illness - do you think that they are all saints? No - the bad die and the good die.
If you didn't like him in life - why turn up now to bid him a fond farewell?
But - if you are goning to regret not going to see him in the future - for your sake only, go and see him. I guess it is not going to make a lot of difference to him.
Sorry to sound hard but I think I would rather stay true to myself than show false friendship to a dying man.
2007-08-09 20:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would think you still have (if anything) a financial responsibility to the kiddies. If they will be better off with the aunt says versus you who they may be more aggravation that you'd care to take on after all this time I'd check with the aunt, arrange for visitation and make the same regulary scheduled payments you had been making to the ex. As far as her stuff goes I would say that should be the concern of the immediate family and not yours. As she was an ex there wouldn't be anything you'd need to file with the courts other than informing them she died, get a certified copy of the death certificate to give to the clerk and then adjust or modify the child support payment. Again...it doesn't negate you from paying. just one party is eliminated. good luck
2016-05-18 06:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by lue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was your friend. Once a friend, always a friend, everyone has their bad qualities no matter who they are. You do too. Even if he was lazy... etc. does that mean you shouldn't care about an obviously close person to you on one of your steps of life? He does not deserve to die young, and he probably wants to be surrounded by friends especially with what he's going through. If you feel like he was an overall good guy, I would see him and just reminice on fun times or talk about what has been going on lately... This will also keep you from guilt you may get when he passes, and you didn't get to say bye or at least offer some comfort. We all know that just having someone around is comforting enough because he probably feels alone in this process.
2007-08-09 19:49:01 · answer #3 · answered by Jenna 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It completely up to you to decided,but I will say it must tug at some heart string in order for you to even take the time to post your question and to me that warrants something in the way of your relationship with him and no I'm not talking sexual,for all you freaky-minded people out there I'm just saying, it must bother you enough to even consider the thought of seeking advice. And so what he's lazy it didn't stop you from becoming who you are and "so what" he lives with grandma,you should Thank the Lord that he even had someone who stuck by him in his life,most of his other friends,like you I'm sure, have come and gone. And you said it yourself that he was an alright person and to me,you really can't call him a friend if you don't treat him like one.
2007-08-10 02:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by Sidetracked0260 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i cant tell you what to do... you will have to go by what your heart really feels and go with it... BUT i cant tell you to lose someone you are or once was good and close friends with. a friend who is dieing or already past is hard to live with.. a few years ago my friend Eric, he was a good person in side but grew up with a bad mother and father so his whole life he was alone and had to watch his back at all times... we stoped being friends over small stuff like how are lives where different, dum stuff that was 2 weeks before he past... 6 days before he was shot by a guy never found and was only mad at someone that eric didnt know but the guy who shot him didnt know that.... we got in to a big fight and said things we shouldnt have.. 1 day before he died he called and left a message saying he was sorry and wanted to be friend again like old times.... i never got to say sorry and tell him that he was a good friend and someone i cared for and was a good friend....
Every day i think if i would have picked up my phone and not have been drinking and ******* around... would he still be alive this day... i have to wake up every day thinkin of that...
No matter what happens in the past there is still a chance for change... for your friend with little time he can still see life in the time he has with you, other friends and family... now its up to you if you want him to die knowing you forgave him and was a grate friend by his side till the day he pasts... you and you only can answer your own question.... good luck and remember to follow yout heart...
2007-08-09 20:13:55 · answer #5 · answered by dubora999 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you considering revisiting the past? Just because the man is dying obviously hasn't altered how you feel about him. Do the guy a favour and leave him to die in peace. I'm sure he would prefer not to spend his precious time having to make smalltalk with someone who has judged him so harshly and found him wanting.
You stick to your lovely family and successful business and leave the tea and sympathy for people who are far better qualified.
2007-08-09 19:49:54 · answer #6 · answered by xanjo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What difference does it make if he lives with his Grandma? Either you're his friend or you're not. If you want to talk to him and be his friend as he stares death in the face, then contact him. If you don't want to talk to him because he's not as materially successful as you or you don't care about him or for whatever reason, then don't. You sound like you feel like you should contact him, but you don't want to. If its a burden, your motive isn't love and concern, its duty. My personal opinion is that both are good reasons to contact him and while you're there don't forget to apologize for being such a pompous butt sniffer.
2007-08-09 19:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by shrugger 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Has he requested a visit or call from you? If not, maybe he feels the same towards you. Unless he asks for contact you're kinda presumptuous assuming you need to "do" anything.
2007-08-09 21:34:21 · answer #8 · answered by barbara 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Him living with his grandman makes him unqualified to be your friend? Interesting.
Do him a favor and don't visit him, let his last 6 months be happy and peaceful.
2007-08-10 02:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by Jukebox 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let him die in peace and knowing that you valued his friendship at one time. Say goodbye to the person you knew a long time ago. He was your friend, say goodbye to that friend.
2007-08-09 19:47:00 · answer #10 · answered by motherofthree 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋