Parents, what would you do if your family were all ignoring your news that you're adopting a child?

Question

I'm in the process of adopting my little girl, it will be finalised very soon. She's coming home next month, and I'm getting everything ready for her now. The thing is, my cousin is also pregnant with her 3rd child, and my whole family in concentrating on that (baby shower, gifts, lunches out, etc), and I'm still waiting to get a congratulations from them! Not one person has said anything positive to me yet, last week someone asked me why I didn't want to have my own child instead of someone else's! I'm getting depressed over this, I'm starting to see that my daughter and I won't be able to be around my family, and I'm upset at losing them, but at the same time also angry at them. How would you react to this? I have talked it through with them, and explained why I want to adopt, but I've reached the end of my rope and don't want to explain anymore. My parents are both passed, and my sister lives in Britain, so I feel so alone. How would you feel and what would you do from here

Silvia- no, I don't want attention, and I would never even think of having a child for any reason other than wanting to be a good mom and providing as great an upbringing as possible for a child. It sounds as if you are very attention seeking, but I personally am not. What I want from my family is simply to know that my child will be accepted by her family just like all the other children in it. Thank you anyway for your input.

Answer 1

I would find a support group for adoptive parents. I think the best thing for you would be to be around people who have been what you are going through and can offer you the support that you need.

You are entitled to your anger. Instead of feeling guilty about, accept the fact that it's okay to be angry with your family, as long as you don't hang on to it for too long.

And as far as "adopting for the right reasons", I admire anyone who adopts a child. People have biological children all the time for a variety of reasons. I think the reason you're so bothered by your family's reaction is because you ARE adopting for the right reasons and want everyone else to share in joy of what you are doing.

Sometimes we have to look outside of our families and form new ones. Support and positivity can be found almost anywhere, if you're just creative about where you look.

Congratulations on becoming a parent!!

And sleep now.....while you still can!

Answer 2

I'm so sorry that you feel your family isn't sharing your joy at this time. Please don't concentrate on the negative comments people make about your adoption. Trust me, people say thoughtless and hurtful things to pregnant women and to women who don't have children at all as well.

I think it's wonderful that you are opening your heart and your home to a child who needs to be loved. You don't need to explain your motives to anyone but your dear sweet child. I do hope that once the baby arrives your family will be able to share in the joy of a new addition to the family and that you'll be able to get along again.

Answer 3

If you are adopting a child I hope you are doing it for your own reasons and not because of other peoples attention or approval.
I think you are probably being a little bit sensitive. I mean, watching a female family member be pregnant and get bigger as opposed to someone waiting for their baby to come is two very, very different things. I know I would find it a strange thing to get excited about, because I don't know anyone who has adopted a baby.
Are you sure there aren't any other reasons you are not telling us about? Do your family maybe think you won't be able to cope with a baby or something?
Don't worry about these things at the moment, you have a lot of planning to do for your new addition.
Another thing I will say, I was the last female in both sides of the family to have a baby. And I have to say my Mother was no where near as interested or excited compared to what she was like when the first grandchild came and then when twins came. My first baby was a bit of a non event after that. But hey, in the end all I wanted was a little bit of attention - and that's not something I can take out on other people.

Answer 4

I thick your family members may feel uncomfortable about you adopting a child because maybe it is something they would never do. They just do not understand your choice but they should learn to respect it. Hopefully once they see how great the baby is with you they will come around. I would quit trying to explain yourself to them and concentrate on your own happiness and the new baby on the way.

Answer 5

Tell them that there are thousands of children with no homes that end up languishing in foster care for years because they have no family to go to, so you want to give one of those children a good life instead, and that if they cannot support you then you will not come around. Check your area for a adoption support group so you have someone that understands and that can help you out.

Answer 6

Hmm...I am sorry this is happening. You'd think at least one person would have an inkling of what they could do/say to you.

The important thing right now is that you be excited about your child coming, she will be your family that matters from this day forward. The others will come around as soon as she is there though, I am sure.

I am also alone in this city as far as family goes, but I do have my fiances.

Answer 7

that is awful that your family is treating you and your new baby like this. A family is a family no matter how it is made. If i was you I would just focus on your baby girl and your new life with her. If they can't accept you and your baby then that is their loss. You will have your new family with your baby girl and that is what matters now.

When i was going to adopt I got the "why do you want to adopt" questions from my ex's family but i just kept pushing forward. It isn't their life it was about me and my desire to be a mom to a child that needed one. So just push forward and enjoy your daughter. It will be there loss not yours. You can try to push forward with them and try to make it work but if they start treating your daughter badly then you will need to just stay away. Maybe with time they will see that no matter what she is your daughter.

Answer 8

You made a decision that You would adopt - a wonderful decision BTW, to give a child a home. But did you demand a commitment from your family, that they are reneging on ? Did you decide to adopt for self-validation. Or did you do it to give your love to a vunerable human being ?

You cousin is going through something that could (but hopefully won't) kill her. Your family's focus is understandable, even if their actions may be misguided (or not).

Just think that you will soon be responsible for another human being - isn't that so much better than going out for lunch ?

(really) Good Luck.

P.S. I live in Phoenix & my family ALL live in Britain, so I know all about being alone (even if I'm not taking on responsibility, like you are).

Answer 9

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Answer 10

That is awful. They should be having a baby shower for you too, reguardless of what age your new daughter is. Talk to your family and ask if they wanna set up any play dates or anything with your new little girl. I doubt they are ignoring you on purpose. *hugs* Hang in there, and congrats on your new daughter