what are some good jokes?clean by the way?

Answer 1

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.

Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out "CROSS."

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."

The pastor hollered out "GRACE." The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

The Pastor said "SEX" The congregation fell into total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,
a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."

Answer 2

There was a drunk who got on the subway. He looked like he had slept in the gutter. He sat down beside a Priest and started reading the news paper. He smelled like he had urinated in his pants and would swear while reading. The priest Glared over his glasses at the man in disgust. As he light up a cigarette, the drunk asked the priest a question. Father he said, what causes Arthritis. The priest quickly replied.
My son, it is caused by drinking and smoking and living a life of sin. Why do you ask, do you have Arthritis my son.
No the drunk said, I was just reading that the Pope has Arthritis.
This is a good lesson on Judgment.
Rev. TomCat

Answer 3

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man.

"And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's George Washington’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that George told only two lies in his entire Life."

"Wow! . . . . Where's Hillary Clinton’s clock?" asked the man.

"Hillary’s clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Answer 4

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and asks "Why the long face?"




(I know it's lame, but I am tired and it was the first thing I thought of)

Answer 5

an 89 year old man went to his doctor for a regular check up.
after finding that he was in great health the doctor wanted to do a sperm analysis just to make sure that everything was a-ok.

he gave the old man a jar and told him to go home and bring back a sample the next morning.

the old man came back the next day and said,

"doc, i did what you siad i went home, and i pulled on it, i twisted it, i pounded on it, i tried it in the bedroom, in the bathroom, even in the kitchen. and nothing "''

"are you sure that you tried" the doc asked.

"yes, i even asked my wife to help. she tried it first with her hand, and then with her mouth, teeth in at first and then she took her teeth out. and nothing. "

"we even wnet next door and asked the neighbour's wife to help""

doc...."YOU ASKED YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE"

"yes sir, and she tried it everyway that we could think of, even crushed it between her knees and pulled as hard as she could. ran hot water over it while twisting away with both hands while my wife held it. "

"but none of us could get the jar open."

Answer 6

Guy walks into a Drs office.

Doc: How can I help you.

Guy pulls off his hat and there's a huge frog on top of his head.

Frog: Doc, can you tell me how to get this wart off my butt?

Answer 7

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartenders yells "We don't serve your kind around here!" The mushroom replies, "Hey, why not, I'm a fun gi!)

Answer 8

Here are a few:

http://www.ewsonline.com/jokes/clean.html

I'll try for a couple:

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite!

What do you get when you cross a goat and an owl?
A hootnanny!

A cat and a lemon?
A sourpuss!

OK...sorry for those...lol

Here are some "You might be _____ if..."

Astronomers: http://astro2.byu.edu/sdb/YouMightBeAnAstronomer.html

Physicists: http://www.workjoke.com/projoke25.htm

Engineer: http://www.youmightbe.com/pages/engineer.html

Mormons: http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/culture2.htm

Teachers: http://www.youmightbe.com/pages/teacher.html

Et cetera: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/might.be.html



There are a "few" good ones...lol

Answer 9

why was five afraid of six? Cuz...seven eight nine!! ha ha ha..yeah..i know that's a stupid joke.

okay here's one! What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a hemohroid?? A megasaurass

Answer 10

they are jokes that have no sexual, religious or ethnic references in them, often not very funny.


tell me it doesn't answer the question.