estly and we will take it. But the only course to marriage at the moment is make vows many don't believe in. For example, you may agree to love your partner for life, but that should not imply that you cannot have another partner sexually, which is not the same thing as love. A physical act to relieve tension or obtain pleasure should be welcomed by the other partner, who wants the best for his loved one.
2007-08-09 16:26:07 · 21 answers · asked by americanhero_aa 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
No one should be getting married if they feel the vows are a form of blackmail. Vows are made by a persons own free choice & they can write or say their own if they wish so if both parties are willing there is nothing to stop them vowing to love each other yet not neccessarily vow to remain faithful physically......
2007-08-09 16:31:06 · answer #1 · answered by chazta01 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think there may be more to this question than is presented here, but I'll do my best to help.
First of all, Vows differ greatly by religion, denomination, & even country. Most vows don't actually say anything about sex, or sexuality, though many do tend towards hetrosexuality, they don't usually say anything about specifics about sex between spouses... though I would be very interested in finding the vows that do...
Second, love & sex are obviously not mutually exclusive - you seem to understand that very well, given your choice of words. Some people can handle the idea of an open relationship or a casual fling, or can at least agree to the possibility of it happening. More often than not though, what works in theory doesn't really flush with reality.
Love is a complicated thing, and so is Sex. Some people can't see a difference between the two because it's simply not concievable that they can be separate. It's not as easy as right or wrong because we're talking about someone's Perception, & that can't be turned off or changed instantly.
If one person is hurt because they feel their spouse violated their love by being with someone else sexually, and the other feels it's a non-issue because their perception is that love & sex are two different animals, I would honestly suggest that the two of them try to understand each other's point of view - a very difficult thing any time emotion is involved!
They should also try to decide what the next step is going to be - if they can (read:WANT TO)overcome this & forge a bond all the stronger for this situation, or if they feel it would be better to part ways, temporarily or permanently.
A marriage councelor can be a great help, since they help people with situations like this more often than you may think. Someone else's point of view, especially an objective one, can really help, especially if the people involved are going to try to stay together.
I'm not about to say either person is wrong for the way they feel - every person has to choose their own path, & has their own way of looking at things. Just remember that the most important part of getting married is deciding to put the person you love before yourself in all things... in understanding and compromise.
2007-08-09 23:56:17 · answer #2 · answered by darqueangelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh, sweetie, that is wrong.
1. If you feel that taking wedding vows is blackmail, I suggest you never marry.
2. When you do marry, taking on lovers afterwards is wrong. It shows immaturity, actually. Instead of loving that one person you swore was the only one for you, that you love with all your heart enough to marry, you're pretty much slapping him/her in the face and saying, "You're ok, but I want my own pleasure and who cares about you."
3. I have never seen an open relationship (where the couple agrees that having outside lovers is ok) really work outside of fiction. There will always be jealousy and you have to be careful cause you never know when that new "someone special" might be carrying and STD. Sticking to one partner in your marriage (or dating) cuts down on that risk.
2007-08-09 23:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by sister steph 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go live in another country then. Europe, maybe? If you want polygamy, realize that countries that "allow it" or do not see it as a bad thing are less civilized. Men make me sick-you are pathetic for saying those things. If you don't believe in your marriage vows, why'd you get married? Too many people do things " just because everyone else does", like having kids. Since everyone else is doing it......
Why would anybody feel the need to be with more than one person-I can tell that you are a very disrespectful person. Your spouse must love your company.
2007-08-09 23:37:41 · answer #4 · answered by wawas7 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can marry or not marry. If you feel this way be honest and find a wife that agrees with the outlook. Do not go behind the back of someone who trusts you. Tis is decietfull and hurts. To cause another pain for personal pleasure is selfish. If you cannot be open and honest to begin with the marriage may not be all that great anyway so I advise to have a marriage you want, not what an institution wants.
2007-08-09 23:40:35 · answer #5 · answered by bryanccfshr 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well then, don't get married! Just keep committing the sin of fornication! I've been married to the same wonderful woman for almost 43 years and neither of has ever had any other sexual partner - not even each other - until our wedding night! Nor were either of us blackmailed into making and keeping our marriage vows!
2007-08-09 23:43:09 · answer #6 · answered by trebor namyl hcaeb 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't...If you want to legally marry someone and leave open the door for other sexual relationships, there are plenty of marriage chapels in Las Vegas that will let you make whatever vows you want to make. It isn't blackmail to include the concept of fidelity in marriage vows made, for example, in a church...you are under no compulsion to get married in a church or anywhere else that performs a ceremony you don't agree with.
I do disagree with your premise, but it's your choice of course. I would never want to enter in to a partnership with someone who wanted to be free to have sex with other people whenever he wanted, but if that trips your trigger then go for it...virtually every airline has cheap tickets to Vegas!
2007-08-09 23:35:08 · answer #7 · answered by KAL 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This would then reduce you to being an animal who follows it's mindless nature instead of taking time to think and reason responsibly. Are you a lower life form? As for being blackmailed into taking marriage vows....don't take them if you don't mean them. How can someone MAKE you do what you don't want to do? Are you really that weak minded? Judging from your question, I believe you are.
2007-08-09 23:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Native Spirit 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You will be divorced 5 times before youre 40...you just dont get it. When you make a VOW it is to be committed to that person for life. And it DOES imply you will be faithful to that person.
2007-08-09 23:30:44 · answer #9 · answered by kajun 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh, boy are YOU going to get some heated answers! Are we a glutton for punishment tonight?
Intimacy is best shared by only two. That is the way it was designed, and that is the way it works.
2007-08-09 23:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by mizmead 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋