Once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you agree?

Question

Can a cheater be forgiven and redeemed? Not by God, but by their spouse?

Answer 1

If you feel that there is hope for the relationship and you want it to work despite the transgression, then it must start with full and complete forgiveness. That being said it does not mean that you would not expect and demand real effort on your partners part to honestly assess the reasons, problems and to work diligently to resolve them to your content.

Answer 2

Yes, a cheater can be forgiven & redeemed by God & their spouse. It is easier for God to forgive & forget, then a spouse. But, I have seen it done. It takes a long time to regain the trust, the cheater spouse has to gain the trust back over time, by being trustworthy over & over again, till the offended spouse believes in them again.For however long that takes.And the offended spouse has to let it go,& forgive, truly forgive, and not hold it over their head. I believe this takes much prayer and forgiveness.

Answer 3

Yes, they can.

Actually, I haven't read the book yet, but Alan Jackson's wife just wrote about forgiveness. Alan cheated on her and she talks about this and about how to forgive.

I do think a cheater can be forgiven if they reform and work with their spouse to alleviate any trust issues. This usually means a great deal of work for the offending spouse...but if they are really sorry they won't mind doing penance.

Answer 4

I'm going to answer this as if your husband has cheated, but I can't really tell from your question.

I forgave my cheating husband. I always told myself I would leave the marriage if he cheated, but you never know until you're in the position. I decided to forgive him, but it was largely because the woman he was cheating with was pursuing him relentlessly (according to him, her, and others around the situation) and he resisted as much as a weak man can. He said he was in over his head before he even knew that she was pursuing him (men are just dense sometimes - sorry guys).

They had an affair of the heart, and almost consummated a physical relationship, but my husband stopped it in mid-act (sorry so graphic, but it's at the heart of the reason I was able to forgive him).

After he betrayed my trust, I wouldn't have just taken his word for it, so after the dust settled, I talked to the other woman and she confirmed the story exactly as he had relayed it to me (events, acts, conversations, etc.) and she had nothing to gain from being honest or dishonest with me - her marriage was already ruined by that point and mine was on the mend. She told me that he had repetitively told her how much he loves me and that he was an honorable man. Basically she admitted that she was the one in pursuit and that he resisted. If the circumstances had been different, I don't know if I could have forgiven him.

If you believe the Bible literally, you know that adultery gives you an automatic "out", but once you decide to stay and forgive him, then you need to stick to your decision and your word and forget the past - i.e. your "out" expires - so make sure you're OK living with it tomorrow, next week, and 5 years from now before you decide to forgive him. If you decide to forgive him, you can't continue to bring it up and you must move on. If you're not sure you can do that, then you need to tell him you haven't decided.

Also, I don't know about your state, but where I live, if you catch your spouse cheating and then you have sex, it's like you've forgiven him in the eyes of the law, so until you make up your mind, no hanky-panky if you want to use his infidelity in a court of law to your advantage.

Answer 5

Hello,

Yes it is possible. The only thing is that his future loyalty must be secured like a bank loan.
How? I know of a situation where a wife caught her husband fooling in a back room with another woman. That is it, the marriage was over but having a great deal to lose the husband pleaded he would do anything to save the marriage.
After a few days of thought his wife came up with a solution to the problem. From hence on the husband would have to wear women's underwear and in that way she reasoned it would be very difficult for him to strip off for another lady even in the best of times. Take it or leave it she said. On some days she would let him choose pretty little flowery bikinis or thongs but on days she was displeased with him a panty girdle was more in order. From what I heard this solution worked ok though the guy eventually developed some tranny tendencies. All in all though it seemed to work out ok.
I suggested this to some of our friends who suspect their may be problems and the wives gave evil grins nodding in agreement.

Cheers,

Michael

Answer 6

not in my opinion.

i can forgive the action. and i can even understand the circumstances may be that it will never happen again. but after that the trust is broken and cannot be repaired with me. thus there is noreason to continue the relationship.

I am an open minded guy, i am open to a lot of things. if you want to have sex with somebody else. just tell me, then it is not cheating. and i at least have a chance to make sure that protection is used, and that she does not bring some strange disease home to me. hell tell him to bring a lady friend over and we will make it a regular party.

to me cheating is about honesty not sex. if you are honest about it, i have little problem with it.

however if you simply dont come home from work one night, and i get worried and head out looking for you, and find you hiding in a parking lot doing some guy from work in the car that i bought you while wearing your engagement ring. and not useing any protection..
then i get a little pissed

Answer 7

Yes they can be forgiven. It takes alot of prayer but with Gods help it can be done. They can also get forgiveness from God and then a true relationship with God will give them strength to never do this again.

Answer 8

In my experience I would have to agree..

My ex-husband cheated on me (with our babysitter who is now his wife)... He is currently cheating on his wife with one of his clients.. (I saw him with the other woman in a not so professional liplock exiting a no-tell motel)

Several other men and women I know have cheated in the past and continue to cheat now.. Once someone has gotten away with it once they are more likely to repeat it...

I have always said "I don't understand people marrying someone they were the other man/woman with, I don't see how there can be any security in the relationship as they already know their spouse is a cheater."

I do agree with the poster above when the couple communicates and both parties are ok with sex outside of the relationship it's not cheating it's when the honesty and trust is lost because one party or both go outside the relationship without the other parties consent that cheating occurs..

Answer 9

No I have to disagree on that one.
I have a very long and personal story on that, but it CAN be worked out depending on the reason and circumstances. We are all humans and humans screw up. It depends on how sorry the cheater is and how much work they are willing to put in to fix it. But no, once a cheater not always a cheater.

Answer 10

I absolutely agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. That person should never be forgiven or redeemed for it.