insecuritys help please..?

Question

i think im insecure in alot of things and i want to over come them
1 thing is i care to much about what people think about me
2 i care to much about how other people feel and that makes me to nice i need to be more assertive its just hard for me
3 i always think people are looking at me and it really irrates me iv had these insecuritys for years and never told anyone
please im tired of this and really looking for help please. thank you

i just think i hav horrable people skills i guess im just to shy to sometimes speak my mind.
i just dont know how to talk to people sometimes
espically to women. even though many women tell me i am very attractive and good looking it doesnt really help i just cant talk to them i Never know what to say and it always ends up with me making an *** outa myself...

Answer 1

Get "stress" vitamin, (B-complex vitamins with zinc) one per day with breakfast,
its a balance of the necessary B-vitamins which you may need and not getting adequately in your foods. Often simply a lack of adequate amount of B-vitamins can cause or amplify anxieties, but getting a proper amount can relieve or prevent anxieties. Occasionally snack on bread or muffins or something, because carbohydrates soothe your aggitated soul. If you care so much (about what people think etc) I believe you have a heart of gold, worth a lot of appreciation that you're not getting yet. You might be very good at customer service career too, there ought to be more like you. Don't go get yourself labelled and stigmatized by going through therapy system, especially IF all you might need is improvement in your nutrition everyday, and some good friends who enjoy your company. Also, get busy with work or studies or hobbies or sports, then you won't be wasting time just worrying about nothing instead.

Take it easy, get better nutrition, enjoy life ! Make friends too, that helps too, knowing someone is on your side, not everyone is against you.

Peace be with you ! :)

Answer 2

Hi Archaic17,

Many, many persons experience all manner of insecurities, in fact adolescence can be a very disorienting time. I don't know how high school was for you but it was the pits for me although I changed schools at 17. I was insecure within myself and very fearful mostly all through high school and into college. My break through began when I became a Christian in my senior year as a pre-med student while at the University of Florida, Gainesveille ("gators"). I switched majors and did much better academically, at least I gradutated and my self-confidence began to rise again for the first time sinse age 11. For me my insecurities were intense, I could have made out with lots of girls but was insecure about my manhood having grown up on pornography which literally brain-washed me, as I took it all literally and very very seriously, I did not even know who I was. Even into colleege I just went through the motions even though it was the 80's and fun was everywhere. I had 1 good friend, we went to Prep school together. Not even my parents money helped me out, I was just a sensitive kid and still am to some extent although I've grown tougher.

Needless to say, the good thing is that I've made up for it over the last several years but had to go into therapy for help it was that bad. I am over all my insecurities now, married with a great career as a College teacher teaching what I love psychology, sociology and sometimes research methods. The funny thing is when I did my first psychology course back at Broward Community College (Fl), it looked interesting and I was excited but I didn't do well in my estimation on all the multiple-choice tests, to my amazement, a subject that looked so easy, also I didn't like the teacher too much.

Today I'm considered somewhat of an expert on psychological issues certainly by my students and also somewhat respected by my peers/colleagues and superiors at the Universities where I've worked.

Download and read everything you can on your listed insecuities and try on your own & with help to conquer them 1 by 1. It might take some time but hang in there, you can do it and the good thing is that help will always be availble.

Love and regards,
In Christ Jesus

Barry H

Answer 3

If you think you are insecure, then you most likely are.
1) If you care too much about what people think about you, perhaps you need to look in a mirror and ask yourself why? Has anyone said something to you that makes you feel this way?
2) Everyone cares about how other people feel, but you do not have to be "too nice" in order to be accepted. Many people appreciate your opinion, so don't hesitate to give it if asked.
3) People are looking at you, but not all the time. You may think that they are, but they have their own feelings about themselves like you do and are more concerned with that, than analyzing you.

You are not alone and need to know that most people are thinking the same way you are about themselves. It may be that you are not comfortable with your looks or something else that bothers you. Look at it this way, there are people without arms and legs; how do you think they feel? You are probably not in that situation and should be thinking about the good points you have, rather than anything negative. By the way, not having arms or legs is not a negative thing, so I don't want anyone to get me wrong.

My point is that you have many attributes that you may not be considering. It is clear that you are concerned or you would not be writing about it in the first place. Consider yourself fortunate for those traits that you have that are positive and let the negative ones go by the wayside.

Feel free to write me if you have any issues that you would like to explore.

Answer 4

As a mental health professional with 20+ years experience, now retired, I read your question and, in trying to answer you I have a question of my own. How old are you? That has some bearing on my answer. But, your question is not a new one to me. Or, better put, you're definitely not the first one to ever be in your situation. Some of what you want comes simply with maturity, or just growing older and having more experience in the social and business world. Yeah, you'll be uncomfortable for a while, but, with time, and some discomfort, you'll get over it. Much like how kids get over being scared when thunder storms come roaring and flashing and banging their way through the night. The kids suffer a lot of anxiety and fear, some for a long time, but, eventually they truly get tired of feeling so bad, and one day they "awake" to the lack of fear of something they've experienced innumerable times and not died from or become severely impaired by. When we as clinicians use that very same "technique" to innure our clients from such anxieties, we call it "desensitization", and that has been used for decades, very successfully. In that regard, "mac" has a great response to your question. I'm sorry she also uses medication to get through her anxieties, but, that's her approach. I am very much against such treatment modalities since it simply makes a client drug dependent, either physically or psychologically, and that's no cure for the presenting problem. But the rest of her answer is great. She is simply intensifying your discomfort to the point that you cannot tolerate it while at the same time "prescribing" a twist to the experience by telling you to ignore everyone. Not a bad idea. A similar treatment modality is when (and I feel pretty sure you've heard this one or a similar one before) you are afraid to speak before an audience. Oftentimes people say to imagine your audience as naked, or naked except for a pair of black socks on. It makes the audience look so silly, or arousing as the case may be, that your anxiety completely disappears. Sometimes it becomes difficult remembering what you're supposed to say, but, that's the risks, hahaha. Most of all, give yourself time, along with some of my and
"mac" 's recommendations. You'll do fine, even though you may be uncomfortable from time to time. You've got a long life to live, and a long time to reach whatever level of comfort with people that is best for your particular lifestyle. God Bless you.

Answer 5

I had 1+2, all through high school, bad. But 6yrs later I grew up, dated a$$holes, and bought my own hair salon. And all these things combined make me strong enough just to not give a crap! Basically what I'm telling you is the bad things you go through/face in life can only make you stronger. Like the saying "What won't kill me will only make me stronger." Sounds like you need a confidence boost too! How about taking a class to do something you enjoy...salsa dancing...karate....etc. Join a gym exercise helps boost confidence levels too. Try not to worry it about we all have our insecurities about something, even those people in the world that seem to have it all together ..don't (sometimes they're the worst). So just remember that, when you're feeling insecure.

Answer 6

Recognizing that you have these insecurities is the first step in resolving them. If you know that you care too much about what people think of you, then make a conscious effort to not care. I know it is hard, but it is what you HAVE to do. Before you can fix any of these things, you need to be able to believe in yourself and be happy with who you are.

If you are not secure with who you are, then no one else will either. When push comes to shove, you need to care and be comfortable with what you think of you. Look into seeing a therapist. If that is not an option make time for you to just figure yourself out.

Answer 7

You need to take a test---I want you to go out and get on a bus, train, subway, whatever, and I want you to pay attention TO NO ONE. That's right- don't notice anyone- that is your job to do--and I want you to do this every day until you can go out and not even notice other people automatically and the reason for this exercise? Because people are too busy with their own lives to even pay attention to you-- you can have a bunny suit on and believe me that would hardly notice...by going out daily until you feel comfortable that no one is noticing you, you will then become numb to people and they will no longer bother you....don't think you're alone.....I hate and will not tolerate crowds.....I'm claustrophobic and have panic attacks in crowds...I need meds to cope....you can get over this by doing what I said---even if it's just for a couple of hours a day----make sure you focus on no one---look out the window, at the ground, read a book, anything but pay attention to other people.......you will get over it.

Answer 8

If you want honesty here you will get it from me, if you don't want honesty then you will most certainly refuse to accept what I am going to tell you.. like it or not here it is.. YOU are insecure because YOU are hiding something. Either you are putting up a false front and are having to support it all the time out of fear that someone will see the truth or you are just a flat out pathological lier who lives in a seudo world of make believe. I don't think you are pathological.. from how you described your situation I think you are insecure because you are hiding your true self..and you have no confidence in who you really are.. as a consequence you spend too much time trying to please others. Your hope is that if you please others, they will care for you and respect you. You try to draw strenght from being overly careing. You are a passive agressive. You keep your feelings to yourself and when the time comes to vent your anger, it is either in the form of tears or feeling sorry for yourself untill it goes away.. you are probably harboring hurt feelings and shy away from the people who are responsible for them. you most likely avoid any kind of confrontation because you don't trust yourself in that kind of a situation. You don't know if you would be violent or start crying and run like a coward. If I am close to the correct description.. then read on.. if not.. pass on by.. Here it is in a nut shell. You must figure out who you really are and let it be what it is.. let people accept you or reject you as your true self. If you don't like something..say it.. get it out.. figure out who you truely are and be that person..win or lose thats it.. nothing more nothing less.. this is me.. this is who I am.. This is how I am going to be from now on.. no ifs ands or buts.. When you are able to do that.. then you will be happy with yourself.. you cannot make anyone happy if you are unhappy with who you are.. if you are shy..admit it.. if you are angry..admit it.. if you don't like something say it.. it is your right.. if you have pent up anger.. go do something physical.. wear youself out.. get all the anger out..chop down a tree.. or what ever it takes.. and from this moment on.. look in the mirror and admit to yourself who you are..and tell yourself that this is the way it is going to be.. start when you are ready.. and don't look back... You cannot please everyone.. it is not your responsibility to make their lives better.. help if you can.. but don't let it engulf you.. you must do the things that please you.. when you learn to do that.. you will be putting yourself first.. everyone else is secondary.. Say this to yourself.. "if it is to be, it is up to me".. Now.. go make it happen.. I wish you peace.

Answer 9

I've felt this way for a while too. It's gotten better since seeing a good therapist. Maybe you should think about seeing one too

Answer 10

know how u feel. try socialphobia.org, more-selfesteem.com, helpyourselftherapy.com, and try askmen.com if u want to learn how to talk to girls and more.