Is love a necessity in life?

Question

So far, I have lived on this earth for 28 years without experiencing love. I have never had a girlfriend and I have never experienced any form of intimacy (not even a kiss). I am kind of shy when it comes to that kind of stuff and I really don't like to touch people or be touched. I have tried dating 2 or 3 times and the each ended in a very awkward manner. I don't see the benefit of those kind of activities. People assume all the time that I was abused in the past or that I am gay, asexual or have a some kind of hormonal disorder. It is quite humorous to listen to people theorize on something that only I know. Well the truth is I am 100% straight and I am attracted to women and women only, I just don't have a desire to go further than just seeing an attractive woman. I also never want to get married or have children. My question finally is this, What could be the reason for my lack of physical desire and other "instinctual" needs?

And no, I am not just talking about sex. Is experiencing love important as well? I am a happy and generally content person, I was just wondering if life would be even better with love.

Answer 1

Yes, it is important to be loved..Not necessarily by a significant other..but by your parents or bestfriend..you do NEED love..

I was just like you! I didn't want to take a relationship farther than the visual! I didn't know why..but as time progressed I realized WHY:

1) I was afriad that the image I hadin my head of the person BEYOND the physical would not match up with the physical..basically there personality would reek..

2) Also, I had a pre-conceived Idea about how ALL men were....and it was a definite NEGATIVE one..which made me unattracted to them beyond what I THOUGHT they were made for..(eye candy). I tried dating some guys and it only PROVED my notion!

3) I felt like Iike guys only viewed me a certain way. And viewed life a certain way.. and I was completely disgusted by them!

4) Because I never had a sexual relation..as years past..it felt obsolete and meaningless in my life. I viewed sex as just a way to forget about the person..and concentrate on ones sexual desire. i felt sex only worsened a relationship..it would NEVER make it better..

So..you could probably be facing what i used to face..until someone who actually GAVE me what i thought I could NEVER find..all of these thoughts went away for him. And finding love did enhance my life so very much(even tho i was also content single).

But, I still have those SAME EXACT feeling for guys OTHER than him..I think because this guy BEAT the odds..which is what i was looking for ALL THIS TIME. Maybe you are also looking for something that you haven't found yet..

If it's not this, then you definately could be asexual. me and friend actually tried to join an asexual club when I went through this phase in my life and i found that there are people who are TRULY asexuall..couples who've tried sex and found it disgusting and never had sex again..and married couples who have NEVER had sex..

Sex probably doesn't do it for you, intellectual stimulation...etc may do it. probably it's not TOuching that bothers you but WHO touches you depending on how you relate to there soul-being..

There's nothing wrong with my friend, but take the time out to understand yourself and feelings..because if you don't then how will u expect the person your with to understand you?

Answer 2

Well, there's the standard response, you just haven't met "the one". This could very well be it. On the other hand, it could have something to do with your past that you just haven't pin-pointed. I wouldn't rush but I also wouldn't lag, your almost 30. The thing is that you can't force yourself. I think that humans require love as part of their normal development and, although I can't quote any particular study, I know that it has been researched. Maybe you'll never have the desire for physical intimacy - I really don't know. But I do believe that you'll need someone to be close with, to partner up with. Perhaps you just have a very different perspective than other people do so you haven't seen anything in anyone that you find attractive. I don't mean physically but spiritually, emotionally. All I can really tell you is to keep trying. Meet new people, get to know them. I think that most people have qualities that are desirable. You never know, maybe you'll meet a girl that also has no physical desire for anyone and she may be the perfect match for you.

Answer 3

Wow this knock me for a loose your 28 years old and never experience love never had a girlfriend or experience any type of intimacy. Okay you say that you are shy this may have something to do with why you are the way you are and that your attracted to woman perhaps you haven't found the right woman that can make your heart skip abeat just by being near her. some people don't like to be touched . Best of luck

Answer 4

Yes, I believe life is even better with someone you love.
It's that unconditional feeling you get when it's "true" love.
I, was also very content being single, but the way I feel now is unbelievable because I have found my true love. Not that I was looking for it, because at the time I wasn't. He has just made my life complete. I am happier now than I ever imagined I could be.
But I also don't think you can feel this kind of love with just anyone. It's that once in a lifetime, kind of love.
And believe me I cherish every moment of it and I thank my lucky stars for bringing him into my life.

Yes, I believe you can be happy being by yourself. Some people are just more comfortable that way.
But when you find your 1 true love, there's no other feeling like it. :)

Answer 5

Yes sir, experiencing love is important, even for an intellectual like you. No one gets to put you on a timetable, and you've quite obviously been otherwise occupied with other pursuits. But there is just such an experience ahead of you, and I am as sure of that as I am of my own first name. There's a spiritual component to love that supercedes the instinctual variety of which you speak, and once you attain this miracle of existence you'll know joy like you've never experienced before and you will wonder how you ever lived so many years without it. You'll be fine...

Answer 6

well if you're happy without it then I guess you don't have a problem.
personally I think life is way better when you're in love with someone but that's probably because I'm in love. But even when I wasn't, I always wanted to be.
I've never met anyone like you. The one person I knew who didn't enjoy being touched by other people had serious emotional problems that he needed medical and psychological help with so...
i guess whatever makes you happy is what is necessary in life.
Although I believe that Love in any form - friendship, lovers, family, a pet - is necessary in life so as long as you have one of those I guess you're set.

Answer 7

You will inevitably be labelled as a loner (at best) and a weirdo (at worst). If you really want to know the reason for your unusual desire for isolation, you would need to consult a psychologist. If you can cope with loneliness in your later years, then just carry on as you are. Bonding with other males (buddys) will be difficult as it is normal conventional human behavior for a man to have a partner or be working at developing a relationship. Other guys would find your apparent happiness with isolation rather strange

Answer 8

Maybe its fear of being rejected, you said that your 3 dating exsperiences ended in a awkward mannner, well ive got news for you i feel sorta the same way im 18 i dont want kids and i dont want to get married, i havent really dated becuz i didnt really want to but its becuz i didnt want to be rejected and i didnt feel i could trust anyone to that level
What im trying to say is theres nothing wrong with you, everyone is different, and just cuz you dont want what everyone else wants deosnt make you any less of a person.

Answer 9

Love comes in certain forms, you know. I'm sure you love your friends and family and pet dog or whatever...but romantic love is really just a perk. It's a great perk, but it's just a perk. I know what you mean - but about 15 years into my life I broke through my shell and am still attempting to take flight...

You're just happy with yourself and the way you are. I guess you could suffer from misanthropy, but I doubt it. You're self-sustaining, and you'll never have to worry about "Oh, what if she's cheating on me?" and "Do I really love her?" and breakups and such. Kudos to you!

Answer 10

I am sure that you have experienced love before, but you just don't realize it.
You know you're 100% straight, which tells me that you have been in love, or was attracted in someway to a girl. And attraction is another form of love, I believe.

Maybe your lack of physical desire is due to the thinking that the girl is too good for you, or maybe you're too good for them, so you don't want to go further.
Try being comfortable.