"manias", he cheated on me twice. Once (going to dinner w/ girl and then making out) and the other time 2 mnths later and had sex w/ a different girl. We have a child together and have had a rollercoaster marriage (now, I know the reason why). He has been put on meds and is back to his normal self and feels horrible for everything he has done. But, personally, I am battling my emotions. Part of me wants to understand and excuse him b/c he was out of his mind basically but the other part of me thinks I am being one of those "stupid girls" who is a push over. I am wanting to know if anyone has had a cheating bi polar spouse and if they got through it and how? Or, if they left the relationship and are better off? Please help!!! Thanks!
2007-08-09 10:55:56 · 15 answers · asked by keri f 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I've not been in the situation you're describing but I have studied bipolar quite a bit and one of the things that go along with bipolar is that people will sometimes cheat in their relationships. A lot of times during mania, sex drive increases and since mania causes a person's state of mind to be unclear, that leads to the manic person to not use good judgment. From what you have described, it sounds like his behavior was the result of mania and not because of anything about you or your relationship with him. However, you do have the right to feel hurt because he did cheat. It might have been because of the mania, but that doesn't change the hurt you feel. I can see how you would feel conflicted in this situation. I don't think it would make you a "stupid girl" or a "pushover" if you took him back, but I can understand why you feel that way. I would suggest attending some sort of marital counseling so this issue can be addressed in a professional way. Hope this helps.
2007-08-09 12:04:19 · answer #1 · answered by Angelia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know people who are bi-polar and I find this to be a terrible illness. No one can judge how badly it affects the rest of the family except those affected by it, so you need to understand how it affects and affected you and then determine if you can live with it or not. Bi-polar episodes can re-cur, especially if the meds are not properly dosed or taken regularily. Most people with this disease do stop taking the meds when they start feeling better and then do not realize that they deteriorate again because they stopped taking the medication.
You have to understand for yourself how much you can deal with in order to make a decision on weather to stay with him or weather to leave. Since there is a child involved, you will also have to look at what's best for the child. His illness should not be the reason to leave---you got married for the better or the worse. But if you see that you cannot live with this, then you do need to leave. I do happen to believe that even though a person is bi-polar, this person still knows what he/she is doing and often think that they use their illness to get it the way they want.....
2007-08-09 11:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by rvrmldnd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Keri:
Well I have not been in the situation that you are in, but I do have Bipolar 1.
From someone who lives Bipolar, it is so hard, so very hard. When I am in mania Somewhere I have learned to be a little more aware of things but this does not mean I have control. It is hard to explain. A little piece of me knows it wrong (my case SHOPPING) but the thought is dismissed quickly and you need a fix so to speak. You have no control over it quite honestly, none.
When I come down from my mania I usually dont remember all the things I have done or said, but the ones I am aware of, the pain of sorrow and the disbelief that I have for actually doing this is too much to bear sometimes. It is painful to know that I have hurt the people that I love and hold dear to my heart as I would never ever hurt them or anyone, but I have. So the only thing that I know of and have learned is to admit what I had said or done, deeply and honestly apologize, live with the pain for what I had done and try to move on.
Living with the pain of knowing now what I have done and trying to move past it so I can move forward are the toughest things in my life that I have to do. Sometimes I can work thru it but more often than not, I can't let it go and I will keep what I had done, and accept but not like the awareness of what it was, the pain I have caused others and my own pain, these are the things I will carry with me thru my life and living with that kind of pain is life and eternity spent in hell.
I am very sorry you are going thru this, I don't know how you feel so I will not pretend I do, but I am sorry and I will pray for you for guidance and healing and it will come, I know it will. But I thought maybe hearing something from a person with Bipolar and how we deal with things in hind-sight, may help you to understand what happens in mania.
Mania is not an excuse but it is the only contributing factor most of the time. You can forgive as God wants us too. Sure that is the easy part believe it or not, it is the forgetting that is the hardest and this takes work and love as with love, all things are made possible.
You take care of yourself and soon you will be alright.
Be safe and be well
2007-08-10 08:31:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that old cliche' saying of once a cheater always a cheater is right. However I do think he needs to be put in his place and know that it hurt you knowing he cheated on you. But again atleast you know about it. The whole marriage counseling thing is for couples who aren't strong enough to work things out themselves. I don't think you should invoke revenge or him but I don't think you should be kind to him ether or trusting for a while. It's important to completely inform him of what you're feeling thinking and it's just as important for him to do the same even if you don't trust what he says completely there is reason for that. Obviously my advice is stick with it don't ruin something (the relationship) over a weak moment but show him that weak moment he had he cannot be blamed on an illness and you will forgive in time.
2007-08-09 11:14:43 · answer #4 · answered by Brooks B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i am bipolar. and i myself have done the implecible by cheating also. I know bipolar is no excuse for what i did but i couldnt help it. It was just something that happened. My husband was mortified to the point we almost got divorced. But after my diagnosis everything seems to be well as the same with your hubby. My husband had the same feelings and when he brought it to my attention we worked through it together. we had couseling together and we even attended church for a while. It took a while to get through it but it worked itself out. If you really love him stick by him and work it out. Im glad my hubby did cuz i love him more than anything in the world aside my kids. Good luck! and im sorry you had to go through that.
2007-08-10 06:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by Not a soccer mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bi-Polar does not make anyone cheat on their spouse!
I dont think it is a side effect having sex with someone else,
bipolar is just a chemical embalance that causes mood swings, and in some cases depression.
2007-08-09 11:24:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been with someone who is such, I don't think the cheating can be excused. Being bi-polar is a chemical imbalance that causes you to be extreme in your feelings. But it doesn't give you a reason to cheat. It doesn't give you reason, period. I'd talk to an expert to check on this. I suspect he may be using his recent diagnosis as an excuse. Sorry.
2007-08-09 11:08:12 · answer #7 · answered by Fred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind he was still repsonsible for everything he did and is doing. Being bipolar is not a reason or justification for bad actions. I am also bipolar and realize I need to control my reactions and actions.
I wouldn't let the bipolar thing change your outlook on him. The only difference is that he has a condition he needs to control.
2007-08-09 11:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being bi-polar is a license to cheat? no i don't understand that one. i also admit i only understand a little about bi polar. cheating though is very painful, get some counseling and make him go with you.
2007-08-09 11:06:29 · answer #9 · answered by they say 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend who was manic depressive and I've studied this condition briefly and I know it does affect their reasoning. Normally, I like to think "once a cheater, always a cheater" but he wasn't really himself when he was doing this. I think you should forgive him and help him forgive himself and maybe seek some couples therapy to help heal your relationship.
2007-08-09 11:01:43 · answer #10 · answered by american_angel522 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋