Is it important that I feel regret for the time's I have hurt others? Or is it just all illusion?

Question

Does anything matter? or is it all trancended by enlightenment?

Suddenly enlightenment seems less attractive to me.

Answer 1

This is just my personal opinion, but I feel that it's very important to help alleviate suffering in the world. This includes developing the capacity to apologize to those we've hurt. Regardless of one's mindset regarding illusion, the pain we cause to others is not an illusion to them. Their hurting is real, and needs to be addressed. There is great benefit in being able to say "I'm sorry" and to make amends to those we've harmed.

Answer 2

Yes, it DOES matter that we feel regret for hurting others. Otherwise, you are a SOCIOPATH. The fact is, is that enlightenment is something that is unique. There is no way to describe it. And it is not just a single experience, it is an ongoing process, BTW. Ideally, life itself brings "enlightenment" in its train; theoretically an adult is more "enlightened" than a child, because he/she knows what's what; that is why adults are the parents, and why children are so cruelly messed up by parents who have failed to achieve "adulthood". Transcendence is not a "dodge" to evade life's responsibilities and lessons; one must have crossed all the t's and dotted all the i's before one can genuinely 'transcend", otherwise one is suffering from spiritual delusion, and will eventually "fall' to a much lower level than before.


And yes, it DOES matter. Everything that happens has something to teach us; if we do not "get it" then the lesson has to be repeated over and over, getting harsher and harsher every time. i recommend you study the life and teachings of Shri Ramakrishna Paramahansa; a truly God-centred personality, who explained the whole process of "enlightenment" in terms easily understood by everyone.

Answer 3

Regret is an important part of awareness of errors - so they can be corrected - but if you experience it as 'shame' it glues the experience into consciousness. Meaning you feel as though it is something unfixable (sin) about your essential nature. In Christianity the 'forgiveness of sins' deals with this psychological problem. If you can't grasp WHY you are forgiveable - the source of the error - you will cause the same experience to repeat itself over and over in reality.

You are NOT here to harm or be hurtful to others. But, if you can't get to the origin of WHY you are behaving in a thoughtless or defensive manner - you cannot transcend that miserable experience of reality. It won't stop happening.

Enlightenment is about 'eternal aliveness'/'abundant life' - not about getting away with misbehavior - - by drifting off into nirvana - disinterested in who you have harmed. Karma will always bring that back in your face. It's a fail-safe system.

Enlightenment is about real POWER - when all your defensiveness is gone.

Answer 4

Hi RW,

Below are provided 3 short discourses of the Buddha on the topic. I'm familiar with them because guilt feelings are something which've plagued me, too, in the past.

If I can paraphrase: 1) Lay things open to a trusted / spiritual friend (councillors fall into this category, I think). 2) Develop yourself physically, ethically, mentally, and in understanding. Developed people are less plagued by such ideas. 3) Exercise restraint in future.

Sunman's was an excellent answer.

Compassion must start with oneself. :-)

We've all done things we regret. The thing is to learn from them, realise that that avenue doesn't reach, and move on to better things and times.

Sometimes it can be slow, if we're concerned we're not to repeat them.

Prevention is better than cure, they say.

This is my take on it; have been accused of being overcautious. :-)

It's not easy trying to be a good guy... :-)

Past mistakes can be healthily considered "Growing Pains"... and looked back on with a smile, and a sense of humour, I think... :-)

Regret is not constructive.

It can however, if channelled right - calmed & relinquished - maybe lead us constructively, to the Deathless.

This is my faith. Am hoping it's well placed. :-)

Answer 5

I believe that feelings have a purpose. They are not as unpredictable or as unreliable as they sometimes seem. Yet we must look behind the feeling to determine the thought which created it. That is where we begin to understand when a feeling is real and rational, and when it is not. If we feel depressed for instance and we uncover the thought behind that feeling is a sense of worthlessness, then we have a clue to begin changing the thoughts that lead to that feeling.
So, in the case of feeling regret about hurting others, we examine why we feel badly, recognize the thought behind that feeling, which could be that we would not like to be treated in the way we have just treated someone, and that may lead us to not repeat the behavior in the future.
Feelings must be uncovered by the thoughts that create them. If the thoughts are rational, then the feelings will be reliable.

Answer 6

For a long, long time we have been given the impression that enlightenment is ongoing "nirvana". Guru-types have done us a huge injustice by mystifying the whole thing.

Enlightenment can be nirvana and it can also be 'not so great'. It is life being lived without the aggravating minds, drama building, antics.

As far as "regret for hurting others"...my intuitive side says this. When we walk across wet sand we leave footprints...they follow us along the beach without fail. I think we leave "footprints", of a sort, in life...they follow us in some strange way...until we learn to fly! ~^~

Answer 7

Regret, or guilt has to be undone and forgiveness is empty without correction. Correction can be as simple as the desire to do good to others, have no harmful intent toward the world (sounds tough I know) but forgiveness does not require remorse from the offender. Forgiveness is the precious, freeing gift you give to yourself. You reap the rewards of your actions that come out of Love. Seeing yourself and others as children simply craving love and acceptance can let you see and know your, our, original innocence. It is difficult to hate a four year old, is it not? We all are born innocent. Fear is not of the present, but only of the past and future. There is no fear in the present when each moment stands clear and separated from the past, without it's shadow reaching out into the future. Each new instant is so beautiful and clean and free of guilt that nothing but happiness is there. I just watched a movie, A Peaceful Warrior, and it is packed full of inspiration for me. Very thought provoking yet heart felt....
Peace to you rw....

Answer 8

Not as important as showing mercy right now.
It may be an illusion, but the reality of the illusion is that it's very relevant, and we had better treat it reverently.
Everything matters, and it's transcended and fulfilled at the same time. There is nothing insignificant when seen in the light.

Answer 9

To feel regret opens the door to empathy.

To be in the emotional awareness of what our actions have caused. This then allows us to make different, more informed conscious choices, better expressing our deeper, more loving natures.
I have heard that Enlightenment comes upon us in stages. And that the first stage is being able to "avoid the pain that is yet to come".

This all matters, everything matters.
It is the perspective that shifts the experience of the choices, and leads one to effortlessly choose compassion and love as our reference for all action in the world....

namaste

Answer 10

I've had a lot of problems with forgiveness to others in my time. When you wound your fellowman you wound the Holy Spirit and He will convict you to make amends with the ones you have hurt.
The same as with God you need to confess your sin to them and ask forgiveness and then repent from hurting others in the same way.
No one expects that you are near perfect and don't make mistakes . If you don't mess up every once in a while you just aren't trying to do anything.
So admit you made a mistake and fix it. Do not dwell on it or cling to it, Fix it and forget it.