Why do some, in particular, older generations have an "it's mine!" attitude about genealogy and won't share it

Question

What is the point of researching or holding onto the information if you aren't about to help pass it on to the next generation? I have heard of this, and have a great uncle who supposedly knew a lot but was never willing to share hardly anything with anyone.

I know what you mean, the majority of our family couldn't care less, while I'm one of the few that does and now have a hard time finding information. My father's parents were both gone before I was born, so it doesn't help that this uncle (my grandfather's brother) was not willing to share and others just never cared... ugh.

Actually the man died not quite two years ago. My dad grew up very close to this uncle of his though I never knew the man much at all, and honestly would have never felt right bother an old man out of the blue for that info. Plus, I'd always been told that when others had asked, he'd only share little tidbits of info and never tell anyone much.

I was always told that he supposedly had a lot written down, but cousins who should have inherited the information have entirely ignored past emails and whatnot. And I'm no stranger to them. They either don't care or they somehow feel it only belongs to them. Which angers me some because, unlike for them, I did not ask for my grandparents to be dead before I was even born. He was my grandfather's brother though.

I've been working on genealogy for some years, but there are just pieces I am really stuck on.

Answer 1

I don't think I've ever heard of that, but I guess it does happen. In my family, it's always been a "who cares, it's the past" attitude. Now that both my parents are gone, I wish I would have pushed for a lot more info, especially with my Dad. He got all these medals and decorations in the Air Force, and we can't find any specifics on what they were for--yeah a website gives the name and general info, but we want specifics. Stuff like that. So many great stories, I'm sure, but no one thought it was importnat to ask about it or share it.

Answer 2

I am one of those older generations, but I assure you, I believe family history belongs to everyone. You will find, that many of the older researchers have a limited visual aspect on who their family was, and where the families live. Many of them are actually having their information obtained by paid researchers, and have actually no concept of what the genealogy research is about. Boil it down to being selfish, and quite ignorant in many cases. I have run into this situation with numerous people. One was so adamant that her ancestor's all remained in Georgia, had absolutely no concept of the migration of families. My advice, 1. go to the yahoo family groups, start looking for one of your family names. 2. Another, pull up google and enter a family name.
3. Use Familysearch.org (remember they only use the 1880 census). 4. Go to Rootsweb and Genealogy.com, 5. Check out Ancestry.com and use their 14 day free trial. You can obtain so much info in that time period. 6. Go to all the message boards, search for the family name. If you run across a stingy old genealogy researcher, pass them by, they have gotten their info from someone else and it may not be accurate, careful who you trust. Give me a yell if I can ever help. mare

Answer 3

I'm 55, so perhaps I qualify as an old fogey, but when I started researching both my maternal and paternal family's history, all my aunts and uncles were more than happy to sit down with me and talk for hours on end about the family. My dad drove me around the state of Texas to talk with various second cousins, and I even made a trip with my parents to Toronto, Canada, where I met my maternal grandmother's first cousin.

During the early 1980s, the Internet wasn't available, so I had no choice but to look up US Census records on microfilm and microfiche at the local public library and to write various courthouses across the country asking them for marriage licenses.

Now, I can find out more in the course of an hour on Ancestry.com than what it would have previously taken me years to learn, and I am more than eager to share my passion for genealogy with cousins, nieces, nephews, students in my classroom, and complete strangers on family message boards and Internet sites like this one. Perhaps if you just asked for a little at a time, for example, "Whatever happened to Aunt Jean? Didn't she move to California?" Meanwhile, do try posting questions on family message boards. I can tell you from experience that Scottish clan Internet sites are great fun!

Answer 4

Your uncle probably do not know a lot but wanted everyone to think that he knew a lot. Trust me, the Elders love to share legends and genealogy. As I've told you before, I'm a writer and in 2003, I published a book with over 230 pages about my ancestral community and it's people. The community is called Free Union but it's nickname is Piney Woods due to the lush pine trees that surround the community. I did genealogy research for 13 years, before I wrote the book. When I was ready to write, I decided to go into the community and interview the Elders along with other people in the community. So, I interviewed people born from 1910 to 1992 and I wrote over 25 stories. The book is titled Pine Needles. I self-published the book but I'm in the process of revising it for my publishing company to print and sell. Believe me, the Elders cried and were more than willing to share information. In fact, I told them things that I found during research that they did not know. Since the book has been complete, over the last several years, about 5 of the Elders have passed on. I am very happy that I was able to preserve their stories and pictures. One of the Elders really broke down and cried while I was talking with him because he said that no one had ever come to ask him for information about how he grew up. So, keep talking to the Elders and family members. Neighbors can help to especially elderly ones. Believe me, they know everything that happens in the community.

Answer 5

I understand what you're saying. However, in defense of others that don't share, it could be because someone has burned them when they did share. Have you talked to this relative to see why he doesn't want to share. Maybe suggest that the two of you work on it together. Then maybe he might be a little more willing to share. Let him know how much you want to know your roots and hear his stories about family. Be gentle and careing. Don't get pushy because that will make him defensive and push you away. If that doesn't work, regroup and see if you can go at it at another angle.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Sound's like he's acting very selfish. Why would he get the information re: ya'll ancestors, then just horde it?? Is he gonna have it buried w/ him when he passes? Some people who say they understand, because he's done all the work etc. Come on.
I look up info, my sister does too. I don't tell her "NO! I'm all mine!!" like a child. I get excited and e-mail her and tell her what I've found and she does the same for me. We want the info to give to all the children & family members, and for them to add to and hand down through genterations.
That's what "normal" ppl do.

Answer 7

pretty simple, if you have actually worked to find it (referring to ye ol days when research meant going to libraries, courthouses, cemeteries). Not to sound tacky, but in general, that often translated into spending actual money to find it.
Just kind of on principle, I HAVE done research that way. That included plane fare, to reunions that I organized, and did willingly share. Let someone walk up to me.. act as if I OWE it to them, and I guarantee, I get a bit offended.
The definition of "share" (in those ancient days) was two persons, both made some effort to find and exchange, to help each other. Very tedious, reading microfilm.
For some (and not implying you)... it wound up meaning "you do the research, and give it to me, then I'll take the credit". A few of those, and some people will get very unhelpful.
Generally, all I ever hoped for was acknowledgement of the effort.

Answer 8

Luckily there are a lot of genealogy sites to find our ancestors. I think it is hard for our families to be disciplined to write about the family history. It is a lot of work. Also, having to retell stories isn't everybody's cup of tea.

Answer 9

That's terrible, It is meant to be shared. Maybe they are skin flints and want to sell it.

Answer 10

They found out that they are illegitimate and their family tree is a wreath.