Ok I have been dating my bf for about a year and a half. We have lived togeter for almost a year. We have never ever had a "real" fight. It kind of bothers me because he avoids confrontation at all costs. We only talk about real deep stuff when he's been drinking. I feel like there are parts of his life that I have no idea about, and he wont talk to me about them. Where as, I have nothing to hide from him, if he ask(s)(ed) me anything i would tell him. I feel left in the dark with him. We have tons of fun together, but i dont feel conected with him. What do i do?
2007-08-09 08:53:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your boyfriend is a classic "Avoider" Some people are so adverse to anything that would make them answer personal questions, or any type of conflict like making decisions that may cause other people to get angry or argue about.
You can do nothing to change this except to try making him feel more at ease about confiding his past to you. As you get older most people do change. They get more likely to open up as the causes of what made them non confrontational and secretive becomes easier to talk about and trust other people who they share their lives with. This is a tough problem for Open Book types like yourself as you can find nothing wrong with telling people anything and everything about yourself, and they can find no reason to respond like that.
2007-08-09 09:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by redd headd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its like saying i like this really nice care that i have, it has a good motor but the transmission sucks. Well, try to fix the transmission. If you cant, buy a new car. My point is this is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with... so is he gonna make you happy? not just in some aspects but in all aspects. Tell him how you feel, if he continues then... you know what to do. Dont settle for less than you deserve, and you deserve to be happy 24/7.
2007-08-09 15:58:34 · answer #2 · answered by firekiller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is entirely normal to have parts of your life that you don't want to share. Privacy is something that should be respected in a relationship as well.
Avoiding confrontation is a trickier thing. Is he just being entirely submissive or just avoiding/changing topics? If the prior, then there is nothing you can do, he just doesn't have spine. If the latter, then its probably best to point it out.
Or just get him drunk more. Your call.
2007-08-09 15:58:46 · answer #3 · answered by ananvilhurtz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Couples' counseling. I highly recommend it. This is the kind of thing that will ONLY be resolved if you talk about it, but obviously he will not do it on his own. Make an appointment, then ask him to go. If he won't go, then go yourself. Odds are he'll go if he knows you'll do it without him, because he won't want you talking about him behind his back. If not, then go alone. It will really open your eyes. You want to have this resolved before you guys start talking about marriage or children or anything permanent like that! Good luck!
2007-08-09 15:59:59 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright you have to find a perfect moment and just confront him about everything you've been feeling. like you have to just go to him and say that u never keep anything from him and that u truly love him but you just want to closer and more connected. if he agrees than he loves you too but if he doesnt agree and doesnt want to tell you anything he might not really care as much for you as you do for him. good luck tho
2007-08-09 15:59:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would just move forward. As time goes on he will probably loosen up and tell you some things.
2007-08-09 15:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by Jabberwock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know when he's sober that you're there for him if he ever wants to talk about anything.
2007-08-09 15:58:16 · answer #7 · answered by Hitch™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to this website and sign the guest book with your problem and it should be answered quickly=]
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2007-08-09 16:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him how you feel. Tonight.
2007-08-09 16:07:12 · answer #9 · answered by virgo_11214 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋