i love him so much and all i do is argue with him . His the most different loving - caring boyfriend i every had - in fact my others cheated , hit ,talk bout me behind my back,and puts me down .. and im doing the same to him why ? why? why?
2007-08-09 08:17:38 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There is a reason you were attracted to men who were abusive, probably stemming from neglect or abuse in your own childhood.
You've become adept enough to realize that's not a healthy relationship (which is a good first step), but more than likely that drama & turmoil is the norm for you, and when things are going smoothly, subconsciously at least, it feels strange and uncomfortable, so you subconsciously set up to make things feel normal again; by causing drama and pain.
You are fortunate to have such a caring loving guy, and assuming he hasn't had enough of this and is about to break up with you, you can probably save things by seeing a psychotherapist to deal with the issues that are at the root of this behavior. Things that ultimately have nothing to do with him.
If you see a good therapist (look for one with a PHD who specializes in this behavior type) weekly, you can probably start to make real headway with this, and may be able to save this relationship. Worst case scenario, you'll be a better partner for the next time around.
Keep going the way you are, and he's destined to leave, and you'll probably keep repeat the same mistakes.
2007-08-09 08:25:19 · answer #1 · answered by whiskeyman510 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps, deep down inside, you don't feel as though you deserve such a loving, caring man. The others have probably messed with your head enough that you're wondering (subconsciously) why this guy would want to stay with you. Ask yourself this: are you testing him somehow? Are you waiting for him to do the same things to you that the others have?
If you think this may be part of the problem, you should talk to him frankly about it, without yelling or accusing, and explain where you are coming from. I'm sure he will understand and want to help. YOU have to realize that you deserve him, though.
2007-08-09 08:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by Bethany 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably because it is what you are used to, the behavior you are familiar with in past relationships. However, there is a saying "Keep doing things the same way and you will keep getting the same results". Do you want him to be mean to you? To put you down? You are exhibiting your mean behaviors that you have used with mean guys. Now you have a nice one, if you want to keep him AND keep him nice, then BE nice! Tell him what you have gone through and that your responses are kind of a habit and you are TRYING TO CHANGE. Hopefully he will be patient with you and support your efforts to improve. But be sure to keep up your efforts to not be mean, your relationship can only take so much before it becomes like the old relationships, or ends. Good luck, and remember, you catch more flies with sugar than vinegar!
2007-08-09 08:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by liz d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you why because you are accustomed to it. You know there are so many men and women who don't know how to handle a non dysfunctional relationship because of past issues.. You need to check yourself because he will eventually get tired of it and when he is gone you will be like I shoulda, coulda woulda you know what I am saying? I don't know your age but I am sure you or someone you know listens to Betty Wright(tonight is the night) well she has a song called the clean up woman, now I used to be a clean up woman and a lot of girlfiends were as well. See we pay close attention to women like you that have good men and ya'll treat them like crap and all we do is what you don't do.. Believe me looks and body don't matter when it comes to a man being treated and made to feel like a man that is appreciated in all aspects... I did not sex any of them while they were with someone, I was that friend that they needed when he had something on his mind I never talked down about his girl or what she was doing to him I just listened. When he got hungry I fed him when he was tired I let him rest everything she did not do. See when a man comes home from work I lay out the towels for a shower and he has a meal ready for him when he gets out. I massage the feet, hands and back but it never goes any further than that until he makes the decision to call it off with the one who is making his life messy and nerve wrecking.... See you need to be a woman about yours and treat this man likes he treats you. Maybe you have that syndrome I will do it to him before he do it to me either way grow up and learn to love the one you with....
2007-08-09 08:38:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
b/c thats what YOU think love is...that's how you been conditioned by your other bf's to believe ppl who love each act towards each other. The first step to the road of recovery into a normal relationship is realizing that your other relationships were dysfunctional. You've already done that but writing this today. The second step is changing how you act..it's difficult...but doable. You must be patient with yourself and ask him to be patient with you. Maybe if sat down and talk with him and explained this..what you just wrote here to us...he will understand better and will help teach you to act in a functional/normal relationship.
2007-08-09 08:24:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're just kind of in a rut of how you expect relationships to be, how you expect your man to be, and how you are used to acting. At least it sounds like it. You have to take each one separately, don't let getting burned before make you act to your new boyfriend like he's the one that did any of the bad things of the past. You've just got to stay with a clear mind and think of it as turning over a new leaf in this new relationship.
2007-08-09 08:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Subconsciously you believe that he is going to treat you badly since you have been treated that way so many times in the past. Its like you want to "beat him to the punch" type of thing. You have to let go of the bad relationships you have had in the past or you may risk losing the one guy who is actually really good to you.
2007-08-09 08:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by Chelley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you're just scared that he may end up being just like every other guy that has come into your life. but you should give him a chance because obviously you care and love him. so think about this and realize that if you want him to stay in your life you must treat him well. good luck
2007-08-09 08:20:42 · answer #8 · answered by freespiritede1986 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
because ur afraid that he's different and that he may just turn out to be like the rest of them but the more he isnt the more it scares u i know im going through the same thing in fact i hurt him last night
2007-08-09 08:21:29 · answer #9 · answered by minnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you suffer from guilt and self esteem issues. Let go of it all. Just let go. And be good to the man you love.
2007-08-09 08:21:34 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋