we have a 4 year old who's sweet and charming. Whenver we go have some family fun and then my daughter starts acting up, he blows his fuse. I am torn between them. What should i do?
2007-08-09 07:42:40 · 13 answers · asked by schrwdel 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have been living this nightmare since my son was 2 (he'll be 17 next month). I have always been so torn, although I tend to take my son's side. My husband is short-tempered and often unreasonable. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you, but I'm interested in reading how others have coped with this in a positive, effective way.
2007-08-09 07:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by Christie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to pull out the big guns when she does something to endanger herself of someone else. For minor misbehaviours tell him that the two of you will tag team it. That way he doesn't feel all the stress of reprimanding the girl and the two of you are looking like a united front that she's not going to get around.
Hollering , screaming , and spanking ( i believe sometimes are warranted) should be saved for serious offenses like running out in traffic , walking away from you in public places ..things that could really get her hurt or worse. Constant yelling immunizes her to it and you'll never be able to make a distinction to her between bad behavior and Holy sh#$ type behavior , because its always yelling .
Explain that a little wild behaviour is a good thing too , because that means she'll zonk out a little earlier and you two can have a little more "alone time" He'll look at your little wild womans behavior with a little less anger and be thinking about what's gonna go on after an earlier lights out .
2007-08-09 14:55:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
IF your daughter is acting up, then you may need to settle your daughter. Maybe your husband is too hot about it, but obviously he thinks something needs to be done. Take care of it before he gets the chance and your problem is solved. Its not a good idea to leave all of the "acting up" stuff to one or the other. You will only see more and more of the tearing. Get between them before they hate each other.
2007-08-09 14:50:37 · answer #3 · answered by billgoats79 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you can see from these answers, men and women deal with children differently. In general, men are more strict and women are more soft. A child needs both sides to be raised into a responsible person who is not spoiled. Even though you may not always agree with your husband's methods, try to let it go.
As a woman who has two teenagers, if I could go back, I would be a lot more strict and not give my kids everything they wanted. Because I grew up without a lot of things, I wanted to give them everything, but it wasn't the right thing to do. You will be a lot happier with your daughter if you make her respect you and your husband now.
2007-08-09 15:00:45 · answer #4 · answered by Julie F 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know that is your husband but when it comes to your child and it's welfare, NO ONE COMES BEFORE THAT.
I dont give a damn but aint no man gonna blow a fuse to my child and he/she doesn't deserve it. period.
I believe in discipline but when it is a four year old and he is blowing up then it may be going to far. No child likes to be screamed at. that is her father and he needs to realize that how he treats her now is how every other man is going to treat her in life and that will be because she believes it is ok.
Dont let nothing second guess what comes first.
2007-08-09 14:52:30 · answer #5 · answered by darcanjle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some times it falls on the mother to be the protector, and not just the quiet bystander.
He's teaching her that she's less important than his feelings, and that being her parent is a bother.
yes children need discipline, and they need it at the moment of incorrect behavior, but they need it out of love, not the anger of the parent.
In short, dont put up with that bullshit from him. She needs the security of a father who loves her and has her best interest in mind, not his own, and not the people around him.
2007-08-09 14:51:50 · answer #6 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Let me tell you, my dad was like this when I was her age too. Now, 40 years later, I have more issues than National Geographic. I know people get mad and say things that they don't mean sometimes, but this is very damaging to your daughter. She's not old enough to realize that he's just blowing off steam. She thinks her daddy thinks there's something wrong with HER.
2007-08-09 14:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
There's no reason for anyone to blow their fuse at a child,
especially an adult. It only hurts the child and proves nothing to anyone else. Have a discussion with him about his actions focused around the issue of what he thinks he will accomplish by acting that way.
2007-08-09 14:47:05 · answer #8 · answered by $Sun King$ 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
You should support your husband if he is making her be good but if he is going to the point of abuse then you need to put a stop to it. If he is showing anger issues then maybe getting into some family therapy would be wise as well.
2007-08-09 14:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get your hubby anger counseling. I had to with my hubby. It was either do it or I leave and you dont see either of us again. If you dont do this now she will end up just like him. Most people dont deal with children who act up in a good fasion. Its something you learn and are trained to do and that is what he needs.
2007-08-09 14:59:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋