My 22 year old son returned from a mission a little over a year ago. He attends the singles ward. He has always been akward, hasn't dated much, was always picked on. He has been active in the LDS Church..
Well, he has a girl friend that is Baptist that has attended church a few times but you can tell she is not interested in the church. For months he told us that they were "just friends." I guess he thought we were stupid since we knew this wasn't true. They are talking about marriage.
He currently is suppose to pay us "rent" of $175 per month plus he still owes us over $485 for bailing him out of a financial mess.
We are strong and active members of the LDS Church. The way things are going, they will not get married in the Temple and this breaks our hearts. Who knows if he will remain active in the Church. We already have one son that is totally inactive.
I assume we just learn to love this girl, who doesn't seem to like us. This may not seem like a big deal but it hurts
2007-08-09 07:27:54 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I sure didn't expect a Mormon bashing session! Thank you for all the "kind" (cough, cough) remarks about how he will hopefully get away from the LDS Church.
Sorry but I highly resent the implications that I am only thinking about myself instead of my son's happiness, we should be thrilled he found someone to love or that we are "looking down our nose" at her. This far from the truth!
We have consistantly opened up our home so that we can get to know her. She came over for Christmas dinner and barely spoke to us. She has come over twice in the past year.
He is currently taking two classes a semester at a community college and working full time at Wal-Mart for a little over min. wage. He's not ready to support a wife.
I had hoped I would get a comforting suggestion, not ridicual about my beliefs. I am a concerned mother. I am concerned about my son's physical AND spiritual welfare and the fact that he's not ready to even think about marriage
2007-08-09 08:01:48 · update #1
I am a member of the church, always have been. It's my opinion that you let him lead his own life. Who knows what will come if they get married. Perhaps she will become a member, or maybe he'll go her way.
What matters most is that you continue to love your son and let him know that you always will. It's not your place to tell him who to love or where to get married.
He has to make his own decisions now. If you've raised him according to your conscience then you should know that's all you can do. Now's the time to let him go. And you'll never "make" her like you - hopefully a bond will grow over time.
2007-08-09 07:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by socmum16 ♪ 5 · 8⤊ 1⤋
Of course you are concerned about your son - what loving mother would not be?
My mother-in-law went through a sort of similar situation only her son was rather inactive...and she thinks would have become active if introduced to the "right" girl...he ended up marrying a really nice girl but a non-member and pretty much the opposite of a Mormon and now he has no intrest in the church whatsoever. She of course still loves and supports them as much as she can but I know her heart breaks that he is not sealed in the temple and that his future children will not be raised in the church.
Others outside our faith just do not understand how we view the family unit and how it is essential to God's plan... that's why the ridicule I think, they just have no clue.
Pray about it, ask for comfort. We cannot make others choices for them even if we know they are the correct choices.
Good luck to you..
2007-08-09 09:16:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What's more important to you:
1. Your son's happiness.
2. Him getting married in the temple and staying active.
1 & 2 don't always co-exist for some people.
When I was a member, I knew this one family that had a whole bunch of children. Two of them were daughters. One daughter got married in the temple, they had a baby, and then her husband left her...in spite of the fact that she had recently found out that she had Leukemia. Their other daughter married a non-member, and 4 years later, she is still happy. Which daughter do you think made the better decision? The answer is that you can't tell at the beginning. A guy who has a temple recommend isn't always how he appears while a guy covered in tatoos and long hair isn't either. You need to try to get to know the person, and in the long run, put your son's own happiness above your own desires.
Liesel.
2007-08-09 07:41:28 · answer #3 · answered by Liesel 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I'm not Mormon, but for the girl problem, a mother in law can be intimidating even if you mean the best. It took over a year for me to really talk to my boyfriend mother and I had only been to their house 3 or 4 times. Maybe you need to have a talk to her as my boyfriends mother did. She just called me one day and basically said that because her son loved me then she loved me and that she did really like me and to stop being so scared. Now they cant get rid of me on the weekends. Sometimes you just have to set things straight then hope for the best.
I doubt your son would stop being active in the church if he is really passionate about his beliefs. But you also have to accept that your son is a seperate human being from you and he'll make his own decisions that you just have to accept. As long as he marries someone he truly loves does it matter where it is? Think about it. It might break your heart for your son not to get married in the Temple, but it would break the girl's parents hearts not to be able to see their daughter get married if she did convert and get married in the Temple.
2007-08-09 08:09:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lucy U. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a Mormon, but I have dated and almost married someone of a different religion.
You are correct...when one person marries a person of a different religion and/or is not involved like the other...there will be eventual problems with the marriage or relationship.
While ideally he would date someone from the LDS, if he doesn't do so your hands are tied.
Just be supportive, let him make his mistakes, and hopefully learn from them.
Don't alienate your son by nagging at him regarding this matter or you will definitely have problems.
2007-08-09 10:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by lc 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There isn't really much you can do to change your sons feelings. Just think of how Heavenly Father raises us. He gives us guidance and direction, but lets us choose our own paths. My siblings and I all grew up in the church, and two of my brothers have chosen to leave the church and have taken different paths. I know it is really hard to see that, but so far, it doesn't sound like your son is leaving the church.
My advice would be to have a heart-to-heart with your son. Explain your concerns, and let him know that you will love him and support him no matter what his decisions are.
2007-08-09 07:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by Senator John McClain 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
"I assume we just learn to love this girl, who doesn't seem to like us." Have you at all considered the fact that, perhaps she doesnt like you, because of the way you look down your nose at her and judge her?? Just look at what you wrote - you suppose that you will have to learn to love her...as a Christian/Mormon, shouldnt you love all people, regardless?
I understand that it breaks your heart if he doesnt marry in the Church. But, this is your son youre talking about - dont you want HIM to be happy?? You say yourself that he has always been akward and never dated and now he finally has met a girl that likes is dorky self - and you want to ruin that for him?
You need to understand that you had a son for the purpose of giving him a life of his own to live - not to make you happy. He is happy with the person he has found - why would you ever want to take that away?? Because it might affect YOUR hapiness? Isnt that selfish??
Yes, I know Ive said things you probably dont want to hear, so Ill expect a thumbs down - but everything Ive said is "reality".
And I wish my financial messes were as simple as a few hundred dollars! My rent is nearly ten times that amount.
2007-08-09 07:36:45 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 8⤊ 2⤋
If your son/daughter doesn't get married in the temple then you haven't taught them that temple marriages are eternal and Its what Heavenly Father wants. I can't believe a RM doesn't want to get married. All of this is sad to hear. Ask for help from your bishop, leaders, friends, family. Good luck and tell him that he needs to find the RIGHT one for him to have a temple marriage.
2007-08-09 08:08:50 · answer #8 · answered by NatNat 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can see your concern and your love towards your son.
But do know that he has free agency, as a parent myself, we could do our best in teaching the doctrine, it is up to each and every one of our children to live up to the teaching.
I'm sure Father Lehi would understand how you feel.
May the spirit give you comfort.
2007-08-09 08:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by Wahnote 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Who cares what religion this girl is or is not. You should be happy that he has found someone he is happy with. I think you are selfish to only be concerned about the religion part of this relationship. I mean would you rather he find someone who would eat, sleep, and breath the church and he be miserable with them?
A loving relationship is far more than just religion. Many times religion does nothing but cause problems in families and relationships.
2007-08-09 07:33:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋