I think I might be in an abusive relationship how do I get out?

Question

I keep leaving my boyfriend and comeing back I recognize this is a partern in abusive relationships. how do I get out why is it so hard for me to leave completely? what should i do?

My mother thinks the relationship is abusive and they want me to leave the country.

Answer 1

You have to come up with a plan and stick to it. Rationalize, logic over emotion in this case. It's obvious being around someone that abuses you is highly toxic and sometimes fatal. You'll probably need the help of friends and family. Also, the best way to leave an abuser is when they aren't present to see you leave. Plan to move out when he is gone. You might have to make a lot of sacrifices to leave but trust me, this will be better for you in the long run. The longer you put this off, the harder it is to get out.

Answer 2

It is very hard to leave somebody, even if you are unhappy. I just left my boyfriend that I have been with for 12 years, and it was definately over, but yet it still hurt soooo bad. I moved out and the next day, I cried all day, thinking what have I done. But, the relationship was bad and it had to be done. I couldn't stay in that mess anymore. We tried breaking up many times over the years, and somehow we ended up back together. I look back now and think, I wish, and I think he does too, that we would have stayed apart a long time ago. It's hard to let go of a situation you are familiar with. So, yes, it will be very hard to leave him, but, if you are truly unhappy, it has to be done. Don't put yourself through the years of thinking that things will get better someday like I did. Things actually got worse. You should try reading these two books by Greg and Amiira Behrendt called "He's just not that into you" and "It's called a breakup because it's broken". They are very helpful books. You need to get yourself a breakup buddy (it explains this in the second book mentioned above), and keep busy and avoid having contact with him, and you will eventually move on to bigger and better things. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You keep going back because it is comfortable and predictable. You may have trouble believing someone else will want you. And deep in your heart you probably believe if you are just good enough or nice enough he will finally see what a wonderful person you are and love you the way you love him.

He won't. Or else he already would have.

You have developed 'habits' in your relationship with him. No matter how much you want them to change...they are habits and you fall into them without thinking. They are the habits of how you respond to each other during stress. They won't change.

You may be willing to change but if he isn't it will always be the same. And abusers don't want to change. The abuse is the one thing they absolutely control and they need that power for whatever reason.

You cannot fix it. The next time you split...stay gone, ignore your heart think with your head. You will eventually find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

Answer 4

You should get help. The reason you keep going back is because you aren't ready to leave him. You're willing to keep being abused just so you won't be alone. The way to get out is simply leave, and stay gone. It's a matter of when are you going to get enough abuse and stay gone. You're the reason why this relationship continues to be abusive. If you'd just leave, and stay gone, you wouldn't be in this abusive situation. You need help from a doctor.

Answer 5

Why is it hard to leave? Because part of the pattern of abuse is the part where the abuser convinces you that no one else will ever love you/want you/need you/like you. It's purely a control thing - if you were honestly that terrible, why would the abuser want you??

If you need help leaving, find a counselor to talk to. Make a plan for leaving, and if that includes changing your number, or changing myspace id or whatever. Talk to those who can help you directly, and that might include a women's shelter. Even if you don't need a place to go for safety, they might be able to guide you to someone who CAN help.

Answer 6

You didn't mention anything about physical, mental or verbal abuse so I would say it's not an abusive relationship.. just a dependent one. Ask yourself why you keep going back to him and what are the benefits of staying with him against the benefits of leaving him. If the cons outweighs the pros them it's a sure sign you need to stop thinking with your heart and use your head then leave him for good.

Answer 7

Contact some local agencies that offer counseling, like the YWCA or a domestic violence agency. They can help you figure out what is your next step. If you know it is abusive but cannot find the courage to stay out, that is normal, often women are torn between the fear of being alone and the comfort of being with someone, even if it is a bad situation.

Answer 8

Time heals all. When you leave you need to make a promise to yourself and a very close friend that this time you are not going back. Tell your friend all the reasons you are leaving him. if you ever have the urge to go back let her remind you why you left in the first place.
Keep yourself occuppied and around friends and family, get a hobby.
Once a month goes by things will get more easy for you.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

You need to ask yourself why you keep leaving. Why is your relationship abusive? You need to figure out what you want for yourself. If you keep coming back you will continue to add to the problem and he will never take you seriously.

Answer 10

You definitely need someone to help you. Once you're stuck in that cycle, it's going to be really hard to get out of it. Confide in a girlfriend that you really trust and have her help you. And do it now! Don't wait around thinking he's going to change, because he won't. Realize that you are worth so much more than that and you deserve better! God bless!