In-laws not respecting my religious beliefs?

Question

My in-laws are Methodist..they just recently started back to church, my husband was baptized methodist but has not been to church in 15+ years, he is not practicing nor does he have any religious affiliation. I myself am Roman Catholic, practicing, and my husband and I decided together that our children will be raised Roman Catholic.
Here come the in-laws, they know I'm Roman Catholic yet they send their Preacher to my home unannounced to convert me into their church. They repeatedly ask to take my son to their church. These people are not "godly" they do not represent christianity in the least. They are a bunch of rowdy, rude, individuals, with no respect for my religious beliefs nor any tolerance for others who differ from themselves spiritually or even racially.
What would you do? Would you limit the contact with your child and yourself from these whacko's? I don't have any problems with other religious beliefs whatsoever & it was very hurtful that they felt the need to do this

thank you for your answers non-sensical and otherwise..I still appreciate it

I am not here to attack. I have no desire to attack others. We as a married couple have decided to raise our child with morals and dignity and it just so happens it will be in a Roman Catholic church as we have decided. Our son is 5 months old. I have given his family respect in their beliefs and they have not done thus with my own. They ridicule it and never ask questions of understanding. I tell them if you want to know please ask, don't assume. Knowledge is a powerful tool that many should learn to use.
Thank you.

Answer 1

You and your husband continue to raise your children in the Catholic faith.


What the recent document from Rome addresses is the more subtle question of the relationship between the Catholic Church and other Christian churches and ecclesial communities. The Church Fathers of the Second Vatican Council taught in Lumen Gentium article # 8 that the Church of Christ "subsists in" the Catholic Church rather than "is" the Catholic Church. This means that the Church of Christ is found in the Catholic Church and is comprised of all those rites that confess the Church to be one, holy, catholic and apostolic, as proclaimed in the Creed, and recognize the Pope as the successor of Peter.

This distinction also recognizes that while the Catholic Church possesses all the constitutive elements of the Church founded by Christ, other Christian communities that have broken communion with the Catholic Church retain many of these same elements of sanctification and truth, including baptism and the transforming presence of Christ in Scripture. As such, the means of salvation in the Lord Jesus are available to non-Catholic Christians since they too have been baptized into the Lord's death and resurrection. This distinction also reminds us, as members of the Catholic Church, that while we have maintained unity with the apostolic church established by Jesus Christ, we are always in need of conversion and repentance both as individuals and as a community of faith.

This observation leads to another important distinction that the document tries to clarify. What is the difference in meaning and application between the terms "church" and "ecclesial community"? In order to understand this distinction, we must remember that there are two essential elements that are necessary to constitute the existence of the Church. They are a validly ordained priesthood that is a necessary prerequisite for a valid celebration of the Eucharist. "Validly ordained bishops, i.e., those who are in the line of apostolic succession, validly confer the three degrees of the sacrament of Holy Orders" (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1576). If these two essential elements do not exist in any community of Christian believers, they do not form a Church but rather an ecclesial community of Christian faith. Thus, many of our Protestant brothers and sisters, whose communities were formed after the Reformation of the 16th century, are called ecclesial communities because they did not maintain apostolic succession, many do not celebrate all of the seven sacraments or believe all that is maintained in the Creed as handed down to us by the apostles. They remain, however, communities that are vibrant, alive with faith in the Lord Jesus and committed to the Gospel message to evangelize the world.

It is unfortunate that many have understood these recent documents from Rome as representing a retreat in the work of ecumenism. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Pope Benedict XVI, in his first encyclical, Deus Caritas Est, had this to say about ecumenism and the progress needed to be made, "Union with Christ is also union with all those to whom He gives himself. I cannot possess Christ just for myself; I can belong to Him only in union with all those who have become, or who will become, His own. Communion draws me out of myself towards Him, and thus also towards unity with all Christians" (article #14).

The clear desire that Jesus had at the Last Supper was that all would be one. Perhaps, the Lord foresaw the divisions that would occur among those who would follow Him. How important it is for us today to work for this unity and understanding among ourselves. Unfortunately, human words and theological concepts seldom bring us together. It is the lived relationships of love and acceptance that make us one in Christ and recognize that our faith in Jesus Christ many times goes beyond our theological understanding.

The work of ecumenism, which seeks unity among Christian churches and ecclesial communities, is something that we cannot shy away from. It is to "put out into the deep" and recognize our isolation and work toward the unity that Christ sincerely desired. Pray with me that the work for ecumenism in our own Diocese here in Brooklyn and Queens will bear fruit as we witness the mutual love, concern and respect for all who bear the name of "Christian."

Source(s) Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio

Answer 2

It sounds more like you're in a power struggle with them and are using your faiths as the tools in that struggle.

Also, as far as not allowing your child to visit their church with them: If your child makes (since a 5 month old can't really choose) a decision to be Catholic, then visiting another church or even another faith group isn't going to change that decision. If, on the other hand, its a matter of you deciding for the child what their faith will be....well, frankly, that's not a choice anyone can make for another person---not even their child. So either way, allowing that child to visit another faith group won't ultimately make a difference. BUT it does mean you'd have to give up a tool in your power struggle.

Also, if you're home situation is so ideal compared to their backward ways, a child raised in that ideal envirnoment will not be turned away from the right path by visiting people on the wrong path. Rather, that child will be able to see the weakness in other other and responde with strong compassion to that weakness.....Now, if things aren't quite as rosey on your end, then child will pick up on the primary family's weakness and grow up reflecting those same weaknesses.

Answer 3

How well did you teach your children?

Grand parents have beliefs and they want to share them with their children and grand children.

Eventually your children will come to know what they believe.

Were you Roman Catholic when you married your Methodist spouse? In a Catholic church? A Methodist church? Or no church at all?

Did your Methodist partner convert to Catholicism?

This is where the problem started and this is where you didn't realize that you were marrying into a family.

Answer: Do nothing. Explain to your children that their grand parents are not Catholic. Ask them nicely about what they thought of their grand parents church. Explain the Catholic faith. Believe in God that they follow your faith, your faith by example.

Answer 4

Each one has the right to be who they are, Your in laws attitude is surely negative, its like saying you are wrong and they are right, and thats how you feel right now. And no one whats to be wrong. Your in laws should be minding their business, every parent has the right to bring up their own kids, they could not do anything to their son who never went to church why are they now into your life.
Have you talked to your husband about your concerns? How would it be to elicit his participation in this matter, If he stood up and supported you perhaps it may help, religion is something personal, all paths lead to the same god, who what if your are a catholic or methodist. Eventually all eternal principles apply to all religions, every religion teaches honesty, sincerity, forgivness, tolerance and peace. Talk to your in laws be polite, respect their concerns, and let them know that you would like to parent the child your self and tell them your child will surely not be a bad one. And request them with respect that it does not make you feel good to have people from the church coming home, but let them know that you will surely approach them if you have any concerns with parenting skills.
Your in laws do not respect boundries and it is important that you let them know your boundries so they dont cross it. It may happen again but stand up everytime they do and do it with respect, because they are your husbands parents.

Answer 5

The problem is that your child is not your possession, nor is he theirs. You can't really insist that your kid follow your religion...you can force him while his is little, but, in the long run, you are only planting the seeds that will ripen into rebellion against God later on.
It's hard to know how to advise you about this, without knowing how much "other" involvement the in-laws have in the child's life. Remember that your husband is THEIR baby, just as this is your baby. Remember that this is THEIR grandchild...
Do you know that one day, your little precious will grow up? And, whether you like it or not, he will make his own decisions about whether or not he wants to be a Catholic, or a Methodist, or (if you push it hard enough), give up on God altogether? (Take a poll one day...see how many atheists in this section had parents that tried to "push" their religion onto them.)
Do you know, he may even, one day, present you with grandchildren? And, Sweetie, it could be YOU faced with the issue of whether or not to "interfere" in your grandchild's religious training...how do you think YOU would feel, if your baby says to you that where he takes your grandchild to church is none of your business?

(Telling me that they haven't been much on their church attendance really doesn't move me...except when I think that this child might be the impetus that brings them back...what a blessing the little one is to his Dad and his grandparents, in that case! Could you be fighting against God, Himself?)

Answer 6

Yes. I would limit my contact with them. I wouldn't be rude to them as they are your husbands family but you must find a way to avoid them as much as possible. If you don't already live in another city, I would highly recommend that you soon move far enough away that they cannot visit you often. Otherwise, these people are probably going to start causing problems in your marriage.

Answer 7

You're in quite the pickle, indeed.

Although it's important for these inlaws, dastardly as they may be, to see their grandchild, it's still YOUR child. If you're threatened because you want to raise him Roman Catholic and you know that if you send him off to visit the in-laws, they're going to do nothing except try to convert him, then perhaps it's best that you try to talk things out with them first. Try to resolve the manner diplomatically.

If it doesn't get you anywhere, they're going to suffer the consequences. It's YOUR child, not theirs; raise him as you see fit.

Answer 8

I think it's your husband's job to try to resolve this first, because it's HIS family who is making the trouble. He should tell them, "Mom, Dad -- I know you think you're doing the right thing out of love for us, but my wife and I are being very careful to raise our kids to love Jesus, the way we want to raise them. It's not your place, and I need you to stop interfering. If you don't stop interfering, we may have to make the choice to keep you away from our children, and I'd really rather not do that."

In the meantime, I think when their preacher comes to your house unannounced, you should just politely say, "Thanks for stopping by, but now is not a good time. And if you don't mind, I'm one of those people who prefers guests to call or be invited before they come over." Don't let him in the house -- keep him outside. He ought to get the hint.

As far as your in-laws go, I would figure out one response and say it over and over and over again, no matter what they say, until they get the message. Something like, "I know you're saying/doing this out of concern for us, but we are raising the children to worship the Lord the way we see fit, and you have to remember that it's OUR decision to make in OUR household, just like it is YOUR decision to make in YOURS."


P.S. My husband's family is pentacostal, but they don't even go to church any more because they'd rather be their own church. We're converts to Roman Catholicism. My mother-in-law literally believes that we're going to hell and taking the kids with us because of this. But we have made it utterly clear that they aren't to manipulate the kids, and if she won't discuss it like adults with us, she's not allowed to say a word about our faith. (She won't discuss it, she just snorts in disgust.) We've stayed firm, so I guess we have a truce, but she's not happy about it.

Answer 9

You need to get through to them...perhaps a lessening of the visits with the children would be effective in getting your point across...then discuss the problem after an extended separation of say, 3 months...it is a question of getting their attention...

Answer 10

A common problem in mixed marriages.
Hold your husband to your mutual decision to bring up your children as Catholics.
Let your son go to their church with them. Later, encourage him to talk about the experience.