Resentment After Suicide!?

Question

My uncle commited suicide a little less than 4 years ago. He had no children of his own but raised his commonlaw wifes from a previous marriage. She left him (and its assumed she was cheating with his brother) He felt overwhelmed with debts, got drunk and in the end he took his life.
I feel complete resentment towards that family. Even the kids. I don't know why. I know it wasn't their fault but I can't even talk to them and I haven't been to that house since the day it happened. I won't go back. My mom and I were going to move in with him to help us all out, but before we could it was over.
Does this every go away? I feel guilty that I can't let go of my anger towards them even though I have forgiven him for his actions. I don't want to be a ***** but I'm tired of them being the victims when I feel like they could have prevented it.
Someone smack some sense in to me or am I even wrong to feel this way?
Please help. Give advice and personal experience if possible.

Answer 1

Well, it definitely sounds like you're in the "anger" phase of dealing with this death. You say you have forgiven your uncle, but I'm not so sure. I think maybe that anger is being placed onto those that are still alive, because it needs to go somewhere. I do think the anger against the kids is very displaced, and you need to do something about that. The kids probably need some support, as I am sure that since this man raised them, he was their father as far as they were concerned, and how devestating would that be for your own parent to end their life? It's been 4 years and you are still struggling through these feelings, so I really recommend that you go to counseling to get over the hump, so-to-speak, so you don't let this consume you. Good luck.

Answer 2

It's just another grief emotion when people have to deal with suicide. I resented my mother when she committed suicide. I said I hate you and everything else, the next day I cried and said I was sorry. For a couple months/maybe a year I told people she was selfish and that she didn't care about me. The more I think about it the more I know she was just hurting. She didn't know how to stop the hurt. She loved me and I knew that and I still know she would of done anything for me. But the thing is people have problems, and some just don't know how to deal with them. These problems eat people alive and then they just end it the only way they think is possible.

Answer 3

Prevented it how? Really think about those children and ask yourself how they could have prevented a grown man from getting drunk and stopping him from killing himself.

You are angry with the wrong person, but he's not here any longer. He took the cowards way out, probably because he was drunk. That is who you should be righteously angry with, not yourself or his family.

This is what happens with suicides, guilt and anger is left behind to be cleaned up with the mess. Think about it, does every man who's wife leaves him or cheats on him, kill himself? No, they don't. Your uncle took a selfish way out to solve a transitory problem, and for that, you should be furious with him, no one else.

Answer 4

a person who takes his own life feels their problems are overwhelming and too much to cope with -- it's not your fault or anyone else's....

you couldn't have seen this coming... i would assume your uncle had issues and life problems for quite a while, and finally, he just couldn't go on.

if you are feeling guilt and like a victim and can't shake it, perhaps you could consider some grief counseling, or looking up COPING WITH GRIEF, COPING WITH SUICIDE on line? i'm sure there are a lot of websites and/or forums where you might find some help. it's a start.

talk with someone if nothing else works... i hope you find a way to deal with this... you deserve good things, hon. hugs

Answer 5

your not wrong for feeling this way but you will probably get over being angry at the kids since they was not biologically his but as far as their mother goes you should not forgive her for what she has done to your uncle obviously your uncle was a very emotionally person and she played with those emotions and cause him to do what he did. the kids had no part in that

sorry I have no personal experience just advice

Answer 6

anger and guilt is a powerful thing. u r feeling a lot of anger because if u will look inside ur self, u will find its because they have taken away somethink u loved very much. to get over it, admit to ur self that s why ur angry. and get off to ur self and get a pillow, and beat the pillow , with ur fist while telling it how much they hurt u. this might sound crazy, but it will help u get over the anger. do this each time you feel sad and angry.it wont change what has happened, but stop beating up ur self.as for getting over it, time will take care of that. and a litt prayer wont hurt. god knows how ur hurting. im sorry for what u have been through, and for ur loss. i dont know u, but u are in my prayers. god bless u cause he loves u.

Answer 7

It isn't wrong of you to feel that way. Your uncle left a terrible mess for everyone involved. But do try to talk with the kids, if no one else. Call them, or if they have computers, contact at least one in some way, and ask if you can talk with them. Also, please talk with you mother about it. Maybe she can help too. Try to do something for them that is unselfish, and I'll bet you'll feel better.

Answer 8

it will eventualy go away you got to work threw it, its hard i know. my cousin commited suicide over a divorce he should of got his kids but the mothers usually get them, it took me a while to lose the resentment toward her and even the kids, but i did, just takes time but you have to get threw it by communicating. talk to family

Answer 9

your mourning the loss of someone special. everything you said is normal, for someone in mourning, and for someone who committed suicide. it will take lots of time to heal this feeling. you may even want to lash out, but that wont help anyone.

good luck! my inbox is always open, if you go through my profile that is. so contact me if you ever need advice.

Answer 10

You have a right to your feelings. Eventually you may get over it, but if you don't so be it. He was the one that made the decision to end his life, you just need to come to terms with it in your own way.