Why do men have to be BAD because they don't pay child support?

Question

We need to stop doing this America...
I think I should let it be known now, just because you don't pay child support it does not make you a bad person!! Now, if you are a wanted serial killer, or rapists, or child molester then I could see how someone could categorize you as a bad person. Society wants you to think that if you don't pay chilld support to your chilld then you are a bad person.
What if you are an otherwise good person? You went to college, you've never been arrested or sent to jail before, you may even have another family of your own. It sounds like a decent person, but if you don't pay child support, you're a bad one? There are people out there that are only being left with a few dollars to support themselves after they pay for child support...do we as society even care what happens to him or his family or his other children? Doesn't he/she have to support himself, and pay the rent also? As I said..ITS RIDICULOUS. If you don't know the life of that person don't judge!

Like I said before...it is a TWO WAY STREET. Women are the ones that choose to have a baby, it is not good whenever there is an unwanted child. If the father does not want to have a child, why should the mother pursue it? It only causes trouble in the end, its not a smart move. As I said, if you are over the age of 18, why on EARTH would you not be taking any birth control!??! It's 2007, there are a like gazillion different birth control pills, even emergency contraceptive is over the counter!! It makes absolutely no sense. If it is two way street, then BOTH parents need to decide what is right, not just the mother. We as a society help the woman first and the man who may have another family is put on the back burner. I am specifically speaking of women who are welfare and are unwed mothers. B/c those are the ones that get plenty of government aid and don't work! And they sit on their butts waiting for the child support to come in! It's not right. No matter how u say it, its not right.

I am also getting a lot of feedback starting with "THESE MEN" this is not just about the Men, this is about our women too! If you can support both sides, then don't post! We don't need one sided answers. No one ever understands the circumstances involving a man's life. There is birth control out there women, so start using it! Men, you need to start wrapping it up! Women who don't want men to refuse paying child support, NEED TO KEEP THEIR LEGS CLOSED! See, it goes BOTH WAYS. Stop telling these men to keep their pants zipped, because we need to also be telling these women to keep their legs closed! It is ridiculous for america to have this law where if you don't pay you go to jail. It's ridiculous! No one has really answered the question, most of the answers are one sided and are in womens' favor. And like I said, I am not speaking about divorced couple, this is is specifically for women on welfare and unwed mothers

Men are not bad b/c they don't pay child support. Period. End of story.

As I said before, this is not about the men. These are about the women who don't keep their legs closed. Everyone's post is one sided. You don't know HOW MANY women I have spoke to that are on welfare and cheat the system to get all sorts of public aid and don't even work. All they do is sit there and wait for their child support check to come in! And what's sad is that many women plan that stuff. It's called trapping a man, and it happens in this day and age, and what we need to stop doing is blaming these and start blaming these scandalous women too!

Non payment is not a form of neglect. It's all about money, just b/c a man pays child support doesn't mean he will be involved in the child's life. Society says how the presence of a father in a child's life is a great impact on how the child grows, however they seem to feel that paying every month is somehow helping?? Why don't we enforce VISITATION. The guy said it right earlier, fathers need to be there emotionally and physically. When you pay child support, visitation rights is a seperate entity. If we enforce that men should be around their children with visitation instead of child support then maybe we wouldn't have so many men running away from the system!
As stated earlier, non payment of child support is not a form of neglect, especially when the child has all types of welfare! Do you realize how many women receive Medicaid, Food Stamps, Housing vouchers, TANF, Child Care and other benefits, just for being a single mother??? You have no idea! So where exactly is the neglect?

If the child lives with the his/her mother she probably works and pays the cost of living. SO what else could the child possibly need if they have food and shelter? (off of welfare) Clothes, shoes, little condiments here there, school supplies perhaps and love. Biological father should help for that. However, for the mother's cost of living, the father of child should NOT have to be forced to pay for. The mother of the child SHOULD work, and not wait for the child support check to come in every month to help pay for her living expenses! This is not alimony. I am specifically speaking of women that are on welfare and unwed mothers and fathers. As I stated before, there are MANY forms of birth control! Yaz, Yazmin, Ortho Evra, Depo, The No Period Pill, Loestrin Fe, The Chewable Pill, IUD, you name it they have it! This is 2007, what makes sense for woman over the age of 18 , to not be taking any birth control? Men too! You need to be wearing condoms, most definitely!

But they haven't came out with a line of birth control for men yet, so I'm speaking to the women! We are always blaming the men, women too need to be using their birth control! It's getting ridiculous! This is 2007, not the 1960s before birth control! There are many cases, where women meet a man and there is an assumption that they will always be together and then when the woman gets pregnant the father spilts. Unfortunately, this is an unmarried couple and if he is going to be that type of person then you don't need him anyway. There is a reason for why people wait until they get married to have sex or have children. I am for child support, but the state is going about it the wrong way. When a woman gets pregnant and the father of her child is not around she has options. She either has an abortion, an adoption, or she chooses parenting. This is her choice, and if she chooses parenting she will get as much information she can about all the public aid she can get.

She is told from the time she finds out she is pregnant to get WIC, and Medicaid, and all other sorts of public aid. However, what do we tell the man? We just tell him to pay child support, and if he doesn't, he'll go to jail! And in a moment, his life is forever changed. I think we need to start helping our men, and stop just telling a man to keep his pants zipped, when we should ALSO be saying to our women to keep their legs closed. If it goes both ways, then why are we always blaming the men?? Like I said earlier, I've heard of rapists going to jail, but men that don't pay child support? Now, that's just ridiculous.
The Solution? There should be a government funded proram where the aid is used to pay for child support. It shouldn't be too much but it should calculate a percentage of needs that the child itself will need monthly, such as clothes, or shoes, school supplies, and other things children need. Everybody knows that some of these government funded programs are unecessary.

some of them should be cut back to pay for support of the children. We as american citizens are already paying for everybody elses' children in our taxes. Now for the fathers of the child, every assumed father should be ordered to take paternity for each alleged child. There is a large percentage of men that pay child support and aren't the father of the child. After paternity is established, the father should be given some sort of visitation arrangment between the father and the child to see each other often. To establish a connection, and provide love and care for growth. However, it sound ludicrous to say it is a felony for a man to not pay child support, and send him to jail. What if otherwise, he is a good man? He has another family? Is he really selfish? Or is he just trying to survive without the threat of going to jail for non payment of child support!!?!?

Answer 1

im a woman and i pay back child support. i have called our congreeman in california, ive had my drivers lic takin away at least 4 times. it causes great hardship on either side man or woman they seriously need to change the laws pertaining to child support i really feel for every one who has to pay.

Answer 2

Oh wow you are so off base here. You are saying that the child looses out because the father is selfish. That child is most cases came before the other family, why should those kids get the father and money to do things and buy clothes but not the first child. If you make a child then it's your responsibility even if you are not with the mother any longer. If you can't afford to pay for that child then you should not make more children. If you can't pay for one how can you pay for the others. I have so much disgust for this question of your. So you are basically says men go out there and make all the children you want then just walk away and let that child suffer and live without because the father is so selfish and disgusting rude and less of a man. I can't even go on any further, I am so pissed at this and YOU!
"Stop doing this to America" Stop doing this to the children and Man up and take care of your responsibility.

Answer 3

You made a choice to create a child, a child that you are now responsible for. It isn't cheap to raise a child, why is it that the woman should have to do that and not you? It makes you an irrisponsible person, not necessarily a bad person, but being irrisponsible to a child and a child's welfare is a sad situation because the child is left to suffer and go without. Society, in general, does not like to see children suffer, therefore if YOU (the non-support payer) causes that child to go without then you are the bad guy. I have to agree.

When a person has a child they have to give up their wants and needs for that child. I no longer get my nails or toes done, I will dye my hair with supermarket hair dye, I have to buy cheap shampoo and cleaning products. I no longer wear designer clothes, that was a sacrifice I made for my child. Because my child's wants and needs come before my own, that was the consequence of my decision. I am happy seeing my child satisfied and content.

What have you sacrificed for your child? This says a lot about the type of person you are...are you willing to sacrifice for ALL of your children? If you are...then that makes you a GOOD person....if not...then society says you are a BAD person.

Answer 4

What would you call a man who concieves a child and then doesn't feel a need to provide shelter, food, medical care and education?

A person with bad behavior is a person who does things that have consequences, mostly effecting other peoples lives, and then refuses to own up to it and blames everyone else. A man is someone who takes responsibility, and does what he has to, including working more than one job, to meet his obligations.

You may not be a bad person, but you are certainly not a man, and are irresponsible, immature and selfish for putting your needs before those of your child.

You most likely enjoyed the sex that created that child, where was your plan for the future?

Answer 5

It is right and guys who try to bail on child support are bad. If you didn't want to have to be financially responsible for a child then you should have worn a condom. You made your choice and now you get to pay for it. Be more careful who you have unprotected sex with next time. Now it's time to stop being so selfish and realize that you helped bring a life into this world. The least you can do is help the child financially. No one feels sorry for you.

Answer 6

ANY parent..man or woman..who doesn't take responsibility for a life they created is a bad parent. And don't give me this crap about how it's the woman who chooses to have the baby..it takes two to people to make a baby! That means that the two parents need to take full responsibility. Any parent that doesn't want to pay child support and look after their own flesh and blood is the total scum of the earth. Period.

Answer 7

As a man, I have to say I disagree with you. If you are man enough to create a baby, he needs to be man enough to take care of it. I married a woman with 3 kids from her first marriage, her ex wasn't paying child support and I told her "so what." We can raise them without it. When we were going through a rough patch and it looked like we were going to get divorced, I swore that I would take care of the kids, because I took on that resposibility. Too many men think they can just walk away from the responsibility of a child and that is wrong. I was raised by my mother with no help from my dad. I still resent him for it. If he can't support the child, maybe he should keep it in his pants.

Answer 8

When my first husband and I divorced, the courts ordered him to pay support for our 2 children. He paid once, then told me about different needs he had to take care of and asked me if I minded him paying less. I understood and agreed. Then he stopped paying altogether, but I didn't say anything about it because I know sometimes it's hard to pay. The children went to live with him a couple years later and he had the papers written up to where I didn't have to pay any support to him. He and I still get along after having been divorced for 17 years, we were married for 10.

Answer 9

OK so I am a single mother of 2. The father of my children has never paid in 8 years. He's moved on with his life making more children when he doesn't even take the responsibility of the first 2. So who is the irresponsible one, in my eyes, him. WE chose to have children TOGETHER because it takes two make make them. So why should only one parent be held responsible when both were involved.

Answer 10

Hello,
My name is Caroline and I am writing you from The Steve Wilkos Show in Chicago on NBC Universal. The show is interested on doing a segment on child support and who should be paying, and I am very interested in your opinion. If you have children and their Mom is making you pay too much and you would like to confront her about it, or just tell her all your reasons why men should not have to pay, please call me toll free at 877-836-3405. We will fly everyone involved in the story to Chicago, all expenses paid.