How can I talk to my Mom about poor decisions she is making. She is extremely emotional.?

Question

Mom is upper 50s. I am oldest son 32,also son 29, daughter 22, son 10. Mom makes a little more than minimum wage and bascially lives check to check. Also receives child support. Youngest son has never had a bed to sleep on. Almost no rules in the household. Do to lack of sanitation I will no longer go to her home. No savings. Plays slot machines at least once per week, gets nails done, eats out alot, and drives a nice car than me. Maybe I am to practical and not emotional enough but this logically cannot continue. She lives in a emotional world and it seems does not think about the practical. Is always jealous of others yet has no energy to change her circumstances. No goals. No Hope. How can I talk to her? She is SO emotional that the slightest mention that she is making mistakes will trigger intense!! crying. I have tried to lead by example. I have tried to make little comments or suggestions. A this point I can either drop it or force her to a low point to understand???????????????

Answer 1

Sounds like you're going to have to pull the "tough love" thing here. You're little brother has no bed yet she gets her nails done? That in itself is enough to light a fire under her butt. Not to sound rude but maybe she's figuring that she's raised her kids and didn't really want to start over again when she had your little brother. It doesn't really matter.. she has him, I am sure she loves him but she may just be really "tired". It is definately time for an intervention!

Answer 2

How much do you care about your little brother? Exactly, you need to explain to her that this is not healthy for him. Did you always grow up like this too? If so, I'm sorry. What about seeing if your little brother can come stay with you for a while? Not sure of your circumstances, but I would tell her how you feel. Get all the older siblings together, not the 10 yo, he doesn't need to hear it. But get everyone together and sit her down. She may cry and be overly dramatic, but maybe with all of you being there for her then maybe she will realize she needs to change. Make sure to give her constructive criticism and don't just throw a bunch of her nasty habits in her face. Give her support at the same time and give her options on what she can do to change. Good luck.

Answer 3

You have no business judging your mother and trying to "lead by example". Your mother is a grown up and had a father and its not you. You are not her husband or her friend, what you are trying to do is disrespectful.

However, you have a right to live your life any way you want, and since you are of an age to help your youngest brother, I suggest you concentrate on making his life alittle less than the living hell it must be. Why don't you suggest to your mother that you take your brother into your home and raise him?

Otherwise, let her deal with the consequences of her chosen life. Its not on you, you can love your mother without approving how she lives, and you can keep your distance both physically and emotionally.

Answer 4

Well, excuse me if I am out of line here, but the crying jags sound like emotional blackmail to me. We 'girls' know what it does to our men when we get emotional all over the place.
You may not be the one who can help her. She needs to be confronted by someone who has no emotional investment in her. A counselor, religious adviser, or family friend who can 'talk around' her hysterics.
But....bottom line....she is gonna have to decide for herself to 'clean it up'. Someone might suggest that she is walking a fine line just this side of being an unfit mother which can cause her to loose her young son (and his support checks!).
Good luck.

Answer 5

Sounds like your Mom is depressed. Try to get her some help. Maybe you could take your younger brother in for a while to help her out.