My dad used to beat my mum unconcious almost every night, sexually abuse my half sisters (they had a different dad) and kidnapped me. We managed to run away from him when I was 4 years old and haven't had any direct contact since. He now has 8 other children who are my brothers and sisters, and now that I am 22 I would really like to meet them. However I am so angry about what he has done to my family (my mum developed social phobia because of it all) I don't know if I could see him without smashing his face in with a baseball bat or something. I know the Christian thing to do would be to forgive, and I don't want to miss out on meeting my brothers and sisters.....but it's so hard! What would you do?
2007-08-09 03:15:55 · 7 answers · asked by josietheninja 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Try to make arrangements to meet your siblings through another relative (aunt, uncle, grandparents) who would be sympathetic to your situation with your father. There's no need to have associations with someone who has treated you and yours so badly. Be prepared that they may not see your father in the same light in case they haven't had to suffer your experiences with him in their lives. Good luck with this.
2007-08-09 03:30:10 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong answer for this and I cant say that i am an expert and know but i have worked with several Domestic Violence Victims and I recommend trying to make contact. Im not going to lie it will be very very hard but im sure it will be worth it to see your brothers and sisters and just may help you relieve some tension by seeing your father and forgiving him. Emotions are unique to each person and each situation so dont do anything you may not want to do just because some people on here suggested it! Make sure you have a close friend or someone there for you too just to make things a little easier and to be there for mental support! Best of Luck! and God Bless
2007-08-09 10:25:25 · answer #2 · answered by curious4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a wonderful person for even wanting to take a chance a get to know your siblings. Because this means that you will have contact with him as well. And you are correct, the Christian thing to do is to forgive but it would be impossible to ever forget.
I would try to connect for the purpose of wanting to meet your extended family. If nothing more than to try and save them from the same torture he placed upon you and your family. I seriously doubt he is a changed man but if you can be brave enough to reach out to them, maybe you can help them.
I would just try to be cordial around him but I would not answer any questions about your mother or anyone else that he was responsible for hurting. And hopefully, you can enjoy meeting your brothers and sisters and avoid much contact with him at all.
A word of advice, leave the baseball bat at home!
I wish you the best of luck!
2007-08-09 10:26:46 · answer #3 · answered by Colleen G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be his friend or even like him but if you confront him maybe you will have peace of mind. I know how you feel about the Christian part of it. I have family members that I have problems with. Get it over with. If you have children don't let him around them. Good luck and God Bless You.
2007-08-09 11:08:37 · answer #4 · answered by Patty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two different situations here. One is your anger with your father and what to do about that. I suggest strongly that you seek counseling and learn to cope with what happened to you before you consider forgiving your father. You need to be able to acknowledge and live with what you are forgiving because once you forgive, you need to let it go. You need some tools to do that. Forgiving someone is for your benefit, not theirs.
The other thing is the need to connect with your half siblings. Why do you need to forgive him to do that. Simply tell him you want to visit them. You do realize that he is probably sexually abusing them as well. You need to consider if you want to get into the middle of that, because once you have that knowledge, you will need to act on it.
2007-08-09 10:26:55 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know...it is a difficult situation you're in since I wouldn't forgive him.But everyone different so you should really ask yourself if you can forgive a person who made you're mother's life into a living hell and made traumas to you and your half sister.
2007-08-09 10:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have to contact him to contact your siblings? If you have the contact information to them, contact them directly. You are old enough to do that. Your father does not have to be included.
I know you would probably love for him to apologize, but he can contact you if he wishes as much as you can.
2007-08-10 17:28:21 · answer #7 · answered by Pluto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋