Leaving a girlfriend to go to the Air Force?

Question

I'm leaving for basic training at Lackland, AFB, Texas in November.
I've been dating a girl for almost a year and a half. We've had some trust issues before, but who doesn't?
We have our ups and downs, but overall, we're happy.

I need advice on whether I should stay with her or not.
Oh yeah, she's a college student getting ready to start her 2nd year here in about a week. We're the same age, and I was at Marshall with her all last year. She's in a sorority (she likes the frat guys), and that's what has caused the majority of our trust issues.

Anyone have firsthand experience with this?
I've always heard that it's impossible to keep a girlfriend at home while you're in basic/tech school.


I NEED HELP!!!

Thanks.

She says that she loves me and that I can totally trust her. She say's she'll wait on me and that she's ready for this, and she wants to be with me.

The thing that gets me is, she's not the type that wants to talk about anything serious...
And that kills me.
We used to be best friends for years before we finally got together our senior year. We used to talk about everything. But now she just doesn't seem to want to express all of her feelings.

Answer 1

I disagree with the statement, "its difficult to keep a girlfriend at home while you're in tech/basic"

Basic is a lonely place, and its nice to know that you have someone who is thinking about you and caring about you're well-being. Its also good to get letters from home.....

When you go to Basic/tech, look at the faces of the guys who have no one sending them letters. Its sad.

If you think the relationship is worth saving, then it is... Distance will make it hard, but it wont make it impossible.

To me there are two types of relationships:

(1) the ones that need to be re-enforced daily (you have to call the other everyday, see them everyday, and every waking moment must include the two of you together

(2) The ones that are maintained with the understanding that we are a couple, but I also have things that I do without you.. and its understood that you can work on your goals and life apart and still stay connected.

Which kind of relationship sounds the most like yours?

That will be a true indicator of how difficult the seperation will be, and if the relationship is worth maintaining while you two are apart.

My hubby has gone to Korea for a year, Iraq, now for the third time, each tour,15 months, no R and R, not to mention basic training and AIT and we made it thru it all...

It depends on how committed you BOTH are to the relationship, and how willing you both are to making it work.

The fact that you mentioned trust issues, will cause the most problems..

Sit down and think it thru, go thru the pros and cons for maintaining and ending it , then see what you come up with. Ask her if she's willing to wait for you while you are gone.

Its two of you in the relationship , maybe the two of you should talk about what this time apart means and what can and cant be done, how often you can re-connect by phone calls, letters etc.

I hope this helps, good luck and be safe

Answer 2

It's a phobia that you had. You mentioned about your parents so you are afraid history will repeat itself. But then again, love is also a form of gamble. This is the time when the both of you will be tested. If the both of you love each other, time is not a problem. Now you are starting a long distance relationship, always remember that the key to a long lasting relationship is being trusting and communication is important too. Best of luck!

Answer 3

Not impossible, but yeah, pretty difficult. I had a long distance relationship for almost 5 years and they can get pretty distant, you know.... you just learn to make your life without the other person being involved, you have your own activities and social circle and sooner or later your significant other just doesn't seem to fit in anymore. Not to discourage you, this was just my personal experience. A relationship needs intimacy and proximity in order for the 2 people involved to continue to know each other and fix the little problems that come their way. This is really hard to do when being physically apart. So I'm not going to say whether you "should" stay with her or not, that's something your heart must decide, because it's just too hard to be apart from the one you love and moreover: it's a decision that needs to made between 2 people, not only you!!! Have you wondered whether SHE wants to keep this relationship alive or not...???!

Answer 4

First off my sister was at Lackland for the Air Force - nearby San Antonio is gorgeous! I know a lot of people get married so their bf/gfs can move with them when assigned to a base, I would not recommend that. My sister married a fellow airman and was divorced in 6 months. The military divorce rate has got to be over the normal 50%.

I'm going to be straight with you, at basic - there will not be very many girls. The ones that are there will have to wear sweat pants or uniforms and wear huge silly "birth control" glasses. Most guys at basic/tech school miss their girlfriends because there aren't many other girls to hang with.

I would try to keep in touch with her while you're gone. If she wants to be with you, she will call and write letters and send packages. If she seems distant, you're better off focusing on your mission at hand and starting a new life at your first base.

At the end of the day, it's your heart's decision on whether you should be together or not - not all of us on Yahoo! Answers. Life has a way of working itself out. I hope your heart doesn't get broken. :)

Answer 5

You don't need to "breakup" but know that you will grow apart.you two have trust issues now, the worst that can happen is you worry about her during training, it can tear you up. and then no one wants the "dear john" letter, e-mail or phone call.
You will change, You will become more responsible etc she will still be partying with the boys back home. Not a good thing to think about during training.
It's nice to have that letter or phone call from home but it sounds like this will be too much drama.
Good luck.
20 years in USAF.

Answer 6

FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE SAYS- DUMP HER. You are about to have the most exciting time of your life. She is going to cheat on you while you are away at basic. When I was in Basic, the Drill Seargants used to tell us our girlfriends were cheating on us, I thought it was just a mind game but mine was, and all my other buddies in my platoon found simmilar results except for the ones that were already married.

Air Force women are beautiful and are all physically fit. You are going to meet so many women in the next few weeks you just will not believe. Yeah, they will have on sweats and BCGs but after work when they put on some girly clothes, makeup and run a comb through their hair they are fine. Also at basic, they will not have been with any men like you will not have been with any women. You will see them at church every Sunday, strike up a conversation and say hi when you see her around the base and you will have a good graduation night with a female air force fellow graduate.

San Antonio is a great place, the Riverwalk is beautiful and Ft. Sam Houston is nearby, that is where the Army sends its Medical folks for training. It is like 80% female or something. You will see them all down at the Riverwalk on Saturday afternoon.

Also, you will be military and your girlfriend is a civillian, she will not understand you and a lot of the things you will do like the way you will talk, the esprit de corps with your Air Force Budies and she will feel like she is losing power.

Trust me, I been there. Don't completely dump her, it is good to get the letters while in Basic so still write her, just tell her y'all need a break. Just don't go off to basic talking about, my girlfirend this and my girlfriend that- a lot of the other guys there will be talking like that and a lot of those guys made the mistake of marrying those girls.

Check this out, i have a friend who was in the Air Force the same time I was in the Army, I went to Panama and he went to Germany we were both 18, I was in Panama at the Clubs Wed thru Sunday night and was uspet on Monday and Tuesdays when the club was closed- (no new ladies). I used to go and dance, Drinking was legal but I was more into going to the clubs and dancing with beautiful women all night- hey, i was 18 and living in a different country. During the day I would go to the beaches, read books, or drive through the rainforest or downtown Panama City with a girl I met at the club. My friend was in Germany but he had a wife and kids so he never even got to experience Germany. He never drove a BMW fast on the autobahn, he never hooked up with a cute german chick, all he did was change diapers and listen to some chick nag him.

also, don't get married while in the Air Force not matter how much the BAQ and seperate rats appeal to your wallet. Divorce and the Military are bosom buddies.

Do your time, buy a $2500 stereo at the PX on DPP, play the field with the ladies and take some college courses and get a degree- Family is good but be young, enjoy youth- think of settling down after your second year.

Answer 7

My best friend Billy has gone through this. He was dating a girl for 3 years before he went to Lackland 2 years ago. They were together.....thing is, she was lieing to him and stuff, sleeping with other guys while they're still together....and just cheating on him. Well....he breaks up with her because he finds all this out....but then gets back with her....then proposes to her....and then she says no because she doesn't want to be in a relationship...BUT THEN is caught by one of his friends the very next day with another guy.

If you already don't trust her....it's just better if you end it. He went through so much heartache.


Good luck darlin.

PS,

that girl....is a major-MAJOR slut now. She's 21 and her "number" is in the top 50's.

Answer 8

Speaking from personal experience, let her go. I went through the same thing when I joined the Navy. I had finished boot camp and was at "A" school (tech school) when I decided to let her go. There was so much temptation and I didn't want to cheat on her. So I let her go and started seeing new ladies. At least I did it the right way. I didn't hurt her by cheating, and I never felt guilty because I believe that I did the right thing.

Answer 9

I have had personal experience with a long distance relationship. I think that you should stay with her, and if you really like and or love each other then you both will make it work. It can be very hard have a long distance relationship but it is really rewarding on the other hand, best of luck to you and your girlfriend.

Answer 10

My own is opinion is you really shouldn't leave her just so you can join the Air Force. OK, here's what I think: Work out any issues the two of you might still have, and if you're still in the Air Force when she's done with college, and if the both of you are still together....which I hope you are, then you should ask her for her hand in marriage. I hope my answer helps you. Good Luck.