His sisters are not throwing me a shower or even calling to see if there is anything they can do. One of his sisters hasn't even asked how much she owes us for his daughter's jr. bridesmaid dress. Also, his maternal grandmother won't come to my bridal shower, just because she is having issues with one of his sisters. She says she will try to come to the wedding. She lives very close to the wedding venue. She also sent HIM a wedding card and check saying "wedding gift". It wasn't for much, not for a wedding gift. Also, my name was not included any where. She put his name on it multiple places. She also wrote a note that was strange. Our wedding is over 2 months away from the time she sent this. Why would she send it now. I am getting frustrated, but more for my fiance. And now one of his cousins claims he can't get off of work to be in the wedding. It is at 6pm and we asked months and months prior to the wedding. He lives nearby. Am I being silly?
2007-08-09 01:30:39 · 18 answers · asked by reaganeileen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm not trying to be rude...but, take a deep breath and calm down. I'm not going to tell you not to worry about this, because even if I do....You would still worry about it. SO, my advice is...Write the grandmother a note, telling her how much it would mean to the both of you if she would be there. You can't imagine the day happening without her. As for the jr. bridesmaid dress, since they haven't asked how much it is going to be they might be under the impression that you guys are purchasing it for them (I'm not sure). Tell them how much it was and that you would appreciate being paid back in a timely manner so that you can use those funds in another area for the wedding. I know that you think (and so do I) that these people should be calling you and offering to help and doing everything that they can to make things easier on you. But, honestly people are selfish. Try making the first move and asking some of them to come over and help you make something or go to one of your appointments with you. It might help if you make the first move. Then, you have done all you can and it is now up to them to make their move. Try to be the better person....someone has to be!
*good luck!
2007-08-09 01:43:28 · answer #1 · answered by betney109 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not saying this is right, but you already have a child and your wedding is 2 years in the future. The way your family sees it is that 1) you may not even get married because it is so far away and 2) You should have gotten married before the child, so at this point it is redundant. Regardless of why though, you cannot expect anyone to be happy other than you and your fiance and should go about your plans and be excited about it. Also, engagement cards are not necessary to send out, so maybe you are being too sensitive about this. Feel lucky you even got one. My family was happy for me, but they didn't send me an engagement card. We even only got a few wedding cards. If you stop talking about it all the time, maybe they will become curious and ask you about everything.
2016-04-01 07:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wedding gifts can come anytime they feel like sending it, and just because you don't think the check is big enough does not mean it is not a wedding gift.
Noone HAS to throw you a shower nor does anyone have to show up. Yeah it would be nice if they would, but they are not required to.
I would just let it flow off your shoulders.
Be the better person and send his maternal grandmother a thank you note thanking her for the lovely wedding gift and express your hopes that she will attend the wedding.
2007-08-09 03:08:57 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really love the guy, you will have to put up with his family. Sometimes.
Remember, you are starting your own family with man and you and him will make the decisions on how to live your lives. So, sometimes, you will just do your own things and if your family doesn't like it or if his family doesn't want to be a part of it... oh well. They are family and they will come around and forgive an forget. (Most times).
My wife and I had so many arguments about family trying to control or boycot our wedding that we almost broke up. It's sad, but going through wedding planning is the hardest part of the relationship. If you can just get past the wedding, then you will be much better.
Look on the bright side. At least you don't have all of his sisters forming a gang and planning your wedding without you.
2007-08-09 01:51:08 · answer #4 · answered by chess_loser2222 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am getting married on thee 24th of this month, and I am starting to think like you, but I know it's just wedding jitters. One fiances family has also been very unsupportive during the whole process. They have never been involved in a wedding before and I am putting it down to that, not that they don't care. I had my bridal party on the weekend and I had a lot of people decline, but the people that did come were fantastic and it was one of the best nights of my life, those that didn't come, it was their loss! Old people are strange and not always with it, so I wouldn't worry about the grandma. You sound like you need to start focussing on yourself and your big day, everyone else is just jealous!!
2007-08-12 19:44:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop focusing on his family too much. not every family is the same. you will also be frustrated if they keep on interfering with your wedding. some people are just jerks. there are people who won't even go to the wedding of their relatives because they have to "dress up". As long as it goes well on your wedding day then don't sweat the strange and insensitive relative stuff. Be offended if they act really excited on someone else's wedding. Ask around if the people you are talking about are really that way before you make your conclusions. and congratulations on your big day.
2007-08-09 01:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by Sweeney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. I am getting married on the 18th and I really don't think that his family likes me. I know that sounds very childish, but I asked my fiance's sister in law to get addresses for me for his side of the family and it was a good think I asked b/c it took her a month to get back to me when she said she had everything on a spreadsheet. Now some of his siblings are coming but some aren't b/c his parents are coming.
Personally this is a big day for me and my family is very excited for me so I take from their happiness and positive energy and just chalk it up to that is family is different and that is ok. The only problem I see is that it is starting to hurt my fiance. I just wish his family would grow up and be a little bit mature.
Good Luck to you and just keep your head up and remember with or without them it is Your day!!
2007-08-09 03:19:50 · answer #7 · answered by reh075 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It does sound a bit like they haven't really made an effort to come to your wedding. I just recently got married and my own grandmother and grandfather (they are divorced) did not attend my wedding...sometimes it is just the way life is, people don't make an effort for anything even if it is their own flesh and bloods wedding.
I hope everything turns out fine and don't stress out too much about this, everyone will come around sooner or later.
2007-08-12 14:59:05 · answer #8 · answered by Emily G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha.....sounds so familiar!!! My mom and sister planned my whole shower (i only wanted one. my sister had 4 and it sucked) and never even aksed if they needed help. My MIL and SIL even had the nerve to complain that they were not involved! At the shower, they just sat there and did not help with anything. They did not even say hi to my mom or sister. They left early without even saying goodbye to me! (fyi-there was no reason for them to act like this. they had only met my sister and mom once)
All I can say is don't let them get to you. They are going to be this way whether you ignore or whether you react. So just don't react. I know its hard because we have different ideas of how you think its going to be. But it is what is. They are who they are.
Focus on your day and your marriage. Your fiance is probably already upset too especially if he knows its bothering you. Don't let it cause problems between you. He is not them and cannot control them.
When everything was going on with my in laws before the wedding, I kept telling him how upset I was after everything they did. I could tell it was starting to hurt him that I was so upset even though we both knew that they were wrong.
Finally, I just didn't let them get to me anymore. I just figured this is how they are going to be the rest of my life so I better find a way to deal with them that will keep me sane and my husband happy. I go out of my way to be nice and friendly to them. He sees this and I know he makes him happy. (and it makes them look like the idiots when they do do something rude to me)
Good luck with the in laws and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
2007-08-09 01:50:45 · answer #9 · answered by Pumpkin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i totally understand how you feel. they are being very stubborn. remember it is his and your wedding not theirs. if they do not have repsect for you then brush it off, you do not want to let THEM bother you especially at a time like this. this should be the best day of ya'll lives so do not let people with bad attitudes ruin it. you have a good reason for letting this get under your skin being they will be your family soon. if they cannot take the time to be there for you for this special day then they do not need to be there to help make plans before either. after the wedding is done you will understand and be happy that you did not let them ruin this even! good luck and i hope i helped!
2007-08-09 01:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋