I find it really weird that so many people here advocate removing the ex out of your life, ignoring them, cutting them out entirely and forgetting their existence.
Maybe it is just me, and maybe I choose carefully, but I like to acknowledge who and what they were in that stage of my life, accept my past and the feelings I have or had, and count my blessings that I was able to share that with another.
I try to maintain ties/friendships with all my exes. They were great people and are still. In fact I think it more healthy to accept that things didn't work, regardless of your feelings, and try to compromise and build something new.
these people helped make you what you are.....why would you want to through them out in the trash and pretend they didn't exist? I think that simply hiding/masking/forgetting something that important is actually robbinig you of real acceptance and healing
doesn't apply to cheating/abusive relationships...what does the rest of the world think?
2007-08-09 01:29:07 · 14 answers · asked by someguy_in_halifax 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
two comments based on answers:
1) if you can't move on and accept it is over, the time for friendship is not yet ripe
2) i make it know up front with new relationships that I am friends with exes.....if you don't/can't trust me.....you midas well find the door now!
2007-08-09 01:50:48 · update #1
Preaching to the choir, my good man! I couldn't agree more.
2007-08-09 01:31:40 · answer #1 · answered by Penelope Smith 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have maintained friendships with most of my 'healthy' ex's... I do suggest to people to stay away from the ex right after the breakup until you are healed and looked over the situations and have personal resolve with the decision... Trying to be friends too soon could possibly lead to a viscious cycle of breaking up and getting back together just to break up again... It didn't work the first time around for a reason... Realize that and what the reason was then go back to be friends... Now... I agree... abusive relationships... Never go back there, don't even look back... My most recent was a long term verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and I don't think I could ever even consider having him as an aquaintance...
2007-08-09 08:47:10 · answer #2 · answered by Angel_Mom of 2 Pretty Girls 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girls tend to not like thier exes because they read into how thier relationship ended too much, they also want to put the message across they they have "moved on" (when in fact they haven't....they are still trying to get their ex's attention). They also follow the belief that you simply can't be friends with your ex unless you really work at the friendship.....
Most girls can't be bothered because
1. Of akwardness and looking stupid the first time they talk to their ex
2. They think that due to past sexual contact, it'll lead back to a relationship, which they don't want
2007-08-09 08:35:53 · answer #3 · answered by lil_munchie_x 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can vary, but i understand. If you are a responsible dater you would be friends with this person. Most people though can not handle friendship after a relationship. Or if it ends on bad terms then they don't want to deal with that negativity. But to deny the expereince is crazy. You should grow from every relationship you have.
2007-08-09 08:42:34 · answer #4 · answered by Food For Thought 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who is the same way as you. She is friends with all of her exes and hangs out with them frequently to maintain ties/friendship. I'm not like that. I don't talk to my exes (though I have only had one) and I don't think it's fair to current partners if their significant other is hanging out with their ex. I think, personally, that no matter what, relationships with the exes (no matter how innocent) will cause strain on current relationships. New partners may not be up front about saying they're uncomfortable with it, as they don't want to seem imposing... but deep down I doubt that any of them are truly okay with you hanging out with someone you've been intimate with, physically and emotionally. Just my two cents.
2007-08-09 08:35:36 · answer #5 · answered by Maggie82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I TRULY APPLAUD YOU ATTITUDE!
In this day and age people think everything is disposable. I have an ex-wife and for 14 years we still have a friendly relationship. That being said.....
There are some people,as you mentioned, that must be out of your life no matter what. I am speaking of those violent kinds, and drug using, offender type that will only drag you down with them or worse....
2007-08-09 08:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by Jaime L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheers mate,you are not alone...the thing about this is,before starting a relationship,one should build on a good solid friendship,so that no matter what happens one would always have the friendship even after a break-up...truth be known,for those who cheat and abuse-i've always believed in forgiving,it makes life a good place to move on...how does one expect love to find them if they have alot on their hands?smile! the world is a darn lovely place...even when your heart breaks,God mends you with hope with the coming of tomorrows sunrise....cheers!
2007-08-09 08:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by Billmalory 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, but it's often easier to end a relationship and move on without dragging a bit of pain along with you if you work up a little mad first. And for a lot of people, while they may respect their ex, closure is helpful.
2007-08-09 08:34:56 · answer #8 · answered by lfh1213 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it will really dpends on the break up that happened. when the seperation was so hard for the other to move on, it will be destructive for him/her when memories are around, it is good to forget and throw them away. it can help the other to really move on. but of course one can never erase his/her ex in ones life. he already was part of her life. but by forgetting, this can help someone to grow maturely and move on. then by that time it might be possible they meet again there's no hard feelings anymore and they can talk as friends.
2007-08-09 08:50:40 · answer #9 · answered by bagz y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's hard to move forward completely if you are still around someone you find it difficult to let go of. It just perpetuates a circle of breaking up and getting back together that isn't fruitful for anyone. In a perfect world I'd love to be friends with exes, but me personally, it really holds me back from looking for someone new.
it also isn't possible if the terms you ended on were unpleasant, like them cheating on you. even if you're over it, you're still sort of pissed about being scorned.
2007-08-09 08:32:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow
What a thoughtful way to approach this!
There are many kinds of EX's in our life and you are right ,our experiences are cumulative and make us who we are---good or bad depending on our attitude about our past experiences. ! I like your way of thinking !
2007-08-09 08:37:12 · answer #11 · answered by Bemo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋