My family don't really pay much attention to my foster daughter, they only really care about the bio kids in the family. For her first birthday, they all ignored her party, and didn't even ring up or bring around a gift! She's been with me since 9 week old, and will most likely stay with me forever, maybe be adopted, but because I wasn't pregnant with her, they don't see her as really my daughter! They don't see why I'm upset! What can I say to them to make them understand?
2007-08-08 20:51:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Shame on them!! Skip some of their birthdays and see how the feel. When I hear thing's like this it just burns me up!!
Sorry they were so rude & heartless.I wouldn't even be able to be around them.Maybe stay away for awhile and when they ask why. Let them know they hurt you.
2007-08-08 20:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by sparksgirls6 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's really nothing that you can say that will make things change.. It's not your problem it's theirs.. Maybe, in the near future join a support group for foster parents or a church group and next yr. when her birthday comes around invite those people as well as the family/friends that "snubbed" you the first time.. That way at the very least you'll have a small party for her with some close friends and the family that "won't" come can't say they weren't invited.. However, saying anything will probably not do any good.. Just go one enjoying all your children and not worry about such "trite" people... Or if you have any cute birthday picture's of your daughter you could send a brief nice note stating "sorry you missed the party we had a great time and wish you could've shared the day with us.." Enclose a cute picture and leave it at that.. Just keep them posted and maybe eventually they will come around naturally.... Good luck
2007-08-09 11:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would really hurt me as a mom and it will hurt your foster daughter as she gets older. She's really too young to understand right now but if you adopt her, she shouldn't grow up feeling like an outcast and passing her on to another parent because your family hates her will be just as bad (not that you would do that).
It takes a special person to be a foster parent. I would tell my family that you love this little girl and are thinking about adopting her and that you want her to part of the family, even if you choose to give her up because it's not her fault she's without her real parents and she deserves the chance to be a happy healthy child.
I would tell them that while she's not adopted yet, you don't expect gifts, but at least some courtesy and it's giving your other children a bad message that they are getting treated better than their foster sister.
2007-08-09 10:49:40 · answer #3 · answered by Button 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them your feelings are hurt because YOU consider her to be a part of the family and that you intend for her to actually BECOME a part of the family. The least they could do is call or drop by. Sometimes that means more than an actual gift! Some people are just close minded and only think in small, thinly defined ways and most of the time they don't realize that they are hurting amyone else, until it's brought to their attention by the one who's getting hurt or someone close to them. Hope this helps!
2007-08-09 03:58:23 · answer #4 · answered by wombatred26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them this -
Although you didnt give birth to her that you love her just as you would have if you had her. That they can either except her as part of the family and treat her the same as the other children or stay away. Tell them how much it hurt you for them to not even reconize that it was her birthday and that she is a innocent child that came into your life becuse she needed love and a family, why doesnt she desrve that becasue she doesnt have your blood.
Let them explain away but cut all ties untill they can respect her as a part of your family. If they send the other children presents send them back with a note that says this is a family we dont accept presents from uncaring people or strangers.
I have rasied my step daughter since she ws 14 months and my parents and family know that if they didnt except her becasue she isnt blood then they dont accept me or care about me becasue I love this child as if my own. They do accept her thank god I have more considerate family then yours.
You are right and dont back down
2007-08-09 04:11:59 · answer #5 · answered by diane33michigan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sooo sorry your family has treated you this way. The only thing you can do is tell them that you were hurt by their actions and you want to understand why they treat your daughter differently. They may not want to get close to hear fearing you may lose her. Be open to hearing their answers. And when you tell them why you are hurt, don't be accusatory, just state your reasons calmly and honestly. It is their choice on whether or not to allow your daughter in their hearts and it is YOUR choice to protect her from those who do not love and cherish her.
2007-08-09 13:53:42 · answer #6 · answered by elloel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you are very hurt by what they didn't do.You took this little girl to give her a better life,some example your relatives are showing her.I think it's terrible.God bless you for wanting to make her life brighter than it would have been.Show your relatives this question and all the answers,maybe they will get the hint.Mail it to them if you don't want confrontation.Good luck to you and your little girl,I hope you both have a great life.
2007-08-09 09:47:29 · answer #7 · answered by gerdie65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what u mean ... for now there is nothing u have to do..
whatever u will say to them, they just won't listen ...
i believe that no matter they do to avoid u to love this baby, u won't care either ....
so, just focus in ur family first now ... let them grow together and teach them to love each other....
in the future, u should get ur baby an understanding that u love her no matter ur whole family ignore her.... let her trust you, coz i think this gonna be issue someday and can hurt ur daughter deeply... and can develop lost of self esteem, if u don't show her ur love
2007-08-09 08:07:46 · answer #8 · answered by lucky_1179 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not really sure there is anything you can say to show them that this is your daughter no matter if you gave birth to her or not.
there ignoring your daughters birth day is very mean and selfish of them.
For people that find it ok to be this way do you really want them in yours and her's life.. ?
2007-08-09 03:56:24 · answer #9 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is a very hard situation, something which i cannot give a suggestion due to culture barriers. if i were you and if i am a christian or a catholic, then all i have to do is to ask for a dinner wherein i can have the elders on a round table talk. and ofcourse to pray for God so that my relative's minds will be open and enlightened.
if you arent i do think it will also benefit you :)
2007-08-09 04:01:44 · answer #10 · answered by aprrrl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋