HELP! My toddler is driving me to distraction...?

Question

I have a 26 month old son and a 15 month old daughter and my son is rapidly turning into a nightmare child. I have no idea how to disipline him for the best. It seems that he is constantly looking for ways to stress me out and push me to the limit and I feel like I'm constantly doing the wrong thing regarding punishing him. I'm under alot of stress at the moment; we're moving after only having four weeks notice and my husband has been working away for the last fortnight so I've been trying to cope with the move and both of the kids alone. Our families live far away and it's too expensive to have them help out. I know it's wrong and I feel awful for doing it but I have resorted to smacking my son on several occasions, mainly because I've just come to the end of my tether. I know all 2 year olds push their parents to the limit but I'm struggling to cope. How are you supposed to disipline them if they refuse to pay any attention to you. I'm worried that my behaviour is making him worse.

Answer 1

DON'T all toddlers do that?

Answer 2

It sounds like you're under tremendous pressure. It's not easy having two children with less than a year between them. Not only that, but at 26 months, he's at a stage where he's active and into everything, and can't be left for a minute. You have my sympathy.
Unfortunately, you can't really take out your frustration on him, can you? It's not really fair - he's just doing what he's doing, and he doesn't understand your pressures and frustrations. He just sees that nothing he does is right, and he's getting lots of trouble and smacks for just living his life the only way he knows how... this isn't really how you imagined things turning out when you had your babies, or how you want things to continue, is it?
Start as you mean to go on, and start today. Visualise how you want your relationship with your children to be. Aim to make it happen, hour by hour, minute by minute. Think about how you're going to cope when you feel your frustration levels rising - how are you going to vent your feelings without your son feeling the brunt. Plan his day for him - make one room completely safe for him, and put some toys in that distract him and that he likes, so that if all else fails, you can put him in there for a minute or two while you collect yourself.
Get on the phone and talk to someone, just vent. If you have a friend or a babysitter who could watch the kids for an hour or two while you go for a walk or wander round the shops, or go see a movie, you should try to do that... as often as you can.
Plan and organise your shopping and routine to minimise stress. If your husband is home again, he could help by taking the kids for a couple of hours in the evenings so you can unwind a bit, or even just catch up with stuff you couldn't get done during the day. If he's still working away, then concentrate on getting the kids to sleep by 8pm every night, so you can create your own time to de-stress.
Be kind to yourself, and your children. I know it's not easy, but you can do it! Good luck.

Answer 3

I feel for you, and believe you are not alone. All parents feel exhasperated at times, and because tou are so isolated this will only add to your suffering. There will not be any quick solution to your troubles and you have to accept this. Take each day as it comes and before angering ask yourself the question does it really matter, is his behaviour causing danger to you or anyone else? If the answer is no then hold the thought of it doesnt matter. You may find his behaviour doesnt conform to your ideals, and as he is an individual you may have to accept certain aspects of his behaviour.

I really believe you can not be expected to cope alone and need to find a local group to help you, or ask a neighbour to assist. We are all so wrapped up in our own busy lives very often we dont notice others around us who may be able to help, even if it is a shoulder to cry on.

As a parent I can say I have smacked my daughter on occasions, like your son she is extremly difficult and pushes me to the limit the whole time. Ultimatly though I love her as you clearly love ypur son otherwise you wouldnt be asking for help.

Please contact your health visitor for support groups, if you feel less isolated you may feel more positive. Even though you are moving there are always people to help.

Children are extremly intuitive and will pick up on your stress, and as he gets a reaction will continue the behaviour. Remember to give praise and compliments ven for the little things.

Remember the saying "just for today I will not anger" and remeber you are not alone. In love, light, laughter and happiness.

Answer 4

If this is new behaviour then I would suggest that your son is attention seeking. He has a younger sister to draw your attention away from you and now with the move you're going to be busy and pre-occupied else where. His bad behaviour is acry for your attention and even though the attention you give him in response to his behaviour will be negative - any attention is better than none at all.
Ignore your son's bad behaviour and really really go over board to praise him for his good behaviour and he'll soon realise that good behaviour attention is much better than bad!
(PS Don't stress about the odd smack - mine were smacked if they were really naughty when they were little and I think you'll find that if people were totally honest most kids are!)
Good luck with everything. x

Answer 5

I have the same thing going on right now. Toddlers do a lot sometimes just to get your attention, whether good or bad. Try this , sit down with them and do something fun! Forget work , forget stress concentrate on them . I know when I get caught up with all the housework and everything else , my daughter gets really out of control. It is usually just a way to get our attention , they want one on one interaction . Even if its for a short peiod of time through out the day . Try it , your kids can also tell when your stressed , this also will make them behave differently, best of luck ...need to talk ? email me Sometimes I feel like I am going to go insane too!

Answer 6

Read Leonie's reply: she has it sussed.
Your little boy was the centre of the universe till the baby arrived. Now he is pushed into second place, his daddy has disappeared and his Mummy has no time for him. It must be awful for a wee toddler who needs all the love and reassurance he can get. PLEEZE do not think of disciplining him at such an early age. Not in any way. He desperately needs to know he's still adored. Leave the housework and take them out to the swing park. Believe it or not, this is one of the best times of your life, when you are loved and needed. Try to make the most of it : it's gone all too soon.

Answer 7

I have 2 girls with a similar age gap, but they are now 4 and almost 3, its sounds as thought the older child just wants a bit of time with you for himself, dont play up to his naughty behaviour (i know its hard), ignore him and I PROMISE you he will stop eventually, I was exactly in your situatio having to do thing alone, my Husband came to Dubai 2 weeks before us so I was left with the move, 2 children under 2 and a long flight by myself so I know how you feel, if you need anyone to talk to you can email me as I know what its like, but I would say just leave him to it, at that age they know what gets your attention and unfortunately its usually the naughty things they do that get it so thats what they do, just over praise him when hes good and he will soon learn that feels better than an angry voice.

Answer 8

OK forget ll the negativity here...first of all you need to try and stop the smacking but here is where you get my fool proof naughty step technique...i have become a master at this and my health visitor is considering filming it for other mothers...
Scene...You son is throwing toys around the living room and going wild...

OK now you need to go to your son crouch down so you are at eye level...say son please do not throw your toys around the living room..it is making a mess and it is unacceptable...if you do it again you will have to sit on the naughty step...

Of course its new so child does it again,...

You approach your son take his arm and place him on the naughty step/corner/rug and say son you are going to sit on the naughty step for 2 minutes because you continued to throw your toys and that behaviour is unacceptable...

and then you must walk away...every time he gets off you need to place him back down...but all the time remembering that you are in control...this may take some while a first but if you follow this plan every single time he is misbehaving he will get the message...keep your voice calm and stress free but it must be firm without being aggressive....you must get an apology and a kiss then he can come off and that incidnt is forgotten.

good luck and best wishes..

oh the child gets 1 minute per year of age

Answer 9

Just put him in his room and shut the door. Walking away when you want to throttle them is the best thing. My son will be 3 on Friday and I am also a nanny to a 7 year-old autistic/severe ADHD boy and his 2 year-old brother that is learning disabled. The 7 year-old and my son are about on the same level, so it is like having 3 toddlers. I know how you feel. Just walk away and take a breather, put them in a stroller and go for a walk...exercise is a great mood booster.

Answer 10

Sounds like your under a lot of pressure. Sometime all one needs is a little break. Might be a good idea to find a baby sitter for a couple of hours a week. Just enough time for you to have some time to yourself. Your not loaded down with 2 babies 24/7.
Your toddler is more active then his sister and gets into more things because of his age. Very normal. Remember as long as he isn't getting hurt or hurting anyone, let the small stuff slide.

Answer 11

I have found that ignoring bad behaviour works very well...turn away from him or leave the room, they hate it and soon learn that shouting or whatever earns them nothing but being alone...then when he is being good, playing nicely or whatever lavish him with praise, go totally over the top and he'll get the message. Try lots of creative activities too...put some big paper and paints in the garden to keep the mess at bay...he may be craving somehing to do...especially creatively, and spend ten minutes at bedtime reading him a book...he'll learn that you have time for him.