Q for mom's and dad's?

Question

Have you ever been in a situation when you have punished your child for something (with grounding or spanking for ex) and then found out that he/she didn't do it? Would it be wrong to 'loose face' and apologize, or do you think that as a parent you need to always 'stand your ground?

Answer 1

How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you want, expect, deserve an apology from someone who wrongly accused & then hit you or confined you to your room for it? Of course you would! Set an example as many others here have said. You don't have to grovel but you should admit your mistake and apologise, you arent superhuman, we all make em!

Answer 2

parents aren't perfect, they make mistakes. and if you punish your child and find out later they were innocent and not deserving of punishment then yes, apologize. that doesn't show weakness, if anything it takes a strong parent to do that. and it teaches the child to apologize when necessary. if you didn't apologize, then they would take it as it's ok to judge others without being fully informed of the situation, and then when finding all the facts out , it's not important to make amends with that person, admit they are wrong and apologize. that is a very important lesson for a young child, and if you don't teach it by example then they will probably never learn it themselves. not to mention they will probably feel really hurt if they are punished for something they didn't do and when you find out they didn't do it you still act like they are guilty, by not saying you were wrong and sorry . any child would feel like their parents just don't care. go to them and say i'm sorry, i was wrong, and explain why you thought they were guilty, and you will try to trust them more. i think that will inspire them to tell the truth more often, and apologize when they are wrong, and make a habit of trying to keep your trust. if they think that it doesn't matter wether they are good or bad, because mom is going to assume the worst, and punish reguardless, and even when given the facts, they will not be recognized and apologized to , then they will have no incentive to try. let them know what you expect out of them, and let them know that you need to be able to trust them, and that they can trust you as well. good luck.

Answer 3

I need to stand my ground and be consistent in my discipline as well as my praise and encouragement and instruction. However, if I realized (or my child proved to me) I was wrong (which I have been) then the right thing to do would be to apologize and cancel the grounding/punishment. Exampling how to handle when you are wrong and then doing the right thing is extremely important in parenting and shows my kids that I am human, I make mistakes, I am responsible for my wrong choices and then need to face up to the consequences.

Answer 4

Lose face because you were wrong and apologized? I would rather lose face than have my child think badly of me for not apologizing. Besides that, you need to do something special to make it up to the child. Do not think they will not remember it either. My mom, no matter what the outcome was, and I was blamed and punished alot because I was the oldest. Even if I was there and something happened, I was still punished for it. Being an adult, the thought still hurts. One time when I asked her about why she didn't say she was sorry about something I was severly punished for and didn't do, she replied, "I don't have to say I'm sorry, because no matter what I'm right." This really hurt our relationship and caused trust issues. Admitting your wrong when your are is very important to being a good parent.

Answer 5

Mom of 3 here and yes I have It would be wrong if you did not apologize for punishing the child. This is actually a very good time to teach your child the proper way of handling a situation.

And teaching them not to jump to a conclusion. I know it is difficult for you to say you were wrong, but if the situation was reversed what would you have your child to do.

You would want them to go and make things right and we are the ones who teach them how to do these things. If we don't admit when we are wrong, they wont either.

Answer 6

Of course you must apoplogise and show respect! We expect respect shown to us from the children so how better to earn it than to give it. It is not about losing face it makes you a much better person to be able to own up and say 'i.m sorry i.v done something wrong, i'v made a mistake'. This is teaching the child aswell that every1 makes mistakes and it will be ok for them to come forward otherwise what sort of example are we setting and what kind of teenagers/adults will they become if they believe because of the way we raised them that they do not need to apologise for mistakes.
Preach what you practice, lead by example!!!

Answer 7

I've always apologized to my children if I am wrong and it has paid off. They are 9, 22 and 20 years old and have turned into good people. My mother was a bully who was never wrong, even when the truth was shoved in her face!! Respect needs to be earned and "standing your ground" is not a good way to get it.

Answer 8

How will you lose face by saying you're sorry.......our children cannot learn the importance of accepting they're wrong, if we can't face up to the fact when we're wrong too.

Disipline isn't all about grounding & spanking.......other ways are far more beneficial.
I'd have sooner my mother give me slapping than keep me in for a week when I was out of order.....one thing I HATED about my mother was she would NEVER admit when she was wrong.....just saying sorry could have undone so much harm.
I've made tons of mistakes with my children & done wrong things myself.....if I was never big enough to own up to my mistakes....then my kids wouldn't have been big enough to face theirs either.....they'd have never listened to me.

NO parent is above retribution......NO parent gets it right all the time.
Stand your ground when it's right.....but if you've made a mistake, then stand your ground & be honest about that too.

We've all been there honey.......my ex always told me that one of my biggest mistakes was saying sorry to my children.....well, now they've grown up....it's me they respect, not him.

Next time.....slow down, before administering disipline......you're clearly a caring parent because you're taking the time to ask this question.

D'you know what I used to do with my kids? we'd have discussions about the day they'd have children of their own.....we'd have discussions on how they'd disipline their children in certain situations.......that way, I'd find out which was the best way to disipline them.
You'd be amazed how even at a very young age, they know what they'd allow their child to get away with.

The best compliment I ever had, was when my youngest daughter (22) gave birth to her little boy.....she looked at me & said....."Mum, I'm gonna bring him up exactly how you brought us up"
That's when I knew I'd done a pretty good job, because I was determined that I wouldn't repeat any of the stuff my mother had done while rearing me.
Still brings tears to my eyes.

Answer 9

I haven't (my baby is currently 6 inches long and floating in fluid), but my parents did that. And I can tell you from the child's point of view because I remember these two situations very, very clearly and the emotional impact they had on me. One reaction was when they didn't apologize and "stood their ground," the other was when they did apologize and admitted their mistake.

The "stood their ground" made me feel ashamed, angry, frustrated, like my parents didn't love me. I remember not caring that they had punished me, but just wanting so badly for them to say they were sorry for being wrong. I lost a lot of respect for my parents that day and vowed to do something wrong to make up for the wrongful punishment I received.

The time they apologized, I felt enlightened, empowered, and loved. I wanted to do something really nice for them. I wanted to tell them how much I loved them, I felt vindicated, I felt like justice had been done. I felt like they really loved me and listened to me and cared about my feelings more than their own pride.

That's just my two experiences, I remember clearly to this day, over a decade later.

Answer 10

I think that as parents if we can't admit that we did something worng and be honest with the child and say I am sorry , I made a mistake, how do we expect them to be honest with us.

I have had this happened before and it feels horriable when as parents we spanked or punish our children and then later find out they really didnt deserve it. Most parents I would say have had to face this at some point, because every mom know that me didnt do it ghost lol.

My son took a spank becasue no one wanted to admit who broke something, he admitted it to it and got a spanking, after the spanking was over he yelled at me and said he said he did it just because he didnt want his sisters to be in trouble. His older brother did it. I felt horriable. I gave him a momment and myself and then I explained to him I was sorry and that he shouldnt of admitted to something he didnt do , while he was brave to want to protect his sisters from getting in trouble. I apologized to him and told him moms are wrong sometimes too and that we make mistakes in life too.
I hugged him and kissed him and told him again I was sorry.