Men hitting women?

Question

Im a female and was always bought up that men should never hit a women, and a women should never hit a man. I dont think I ever would unless it was a life or death situation for me or my family. My husband and I have the same disagreement all the time, his mother chooses to stay in a physicly abbusive relationship, she has admitted to me that she usually starts the fight and throws the first punch. My husband then gets angry at her partner for putting his hands on her, I know a man could floor me easily, that is why I know i would never pravoke a man, by throwing punches and I would expect that if ive hit him, his gonna do the same back. I know women being hit by a man is frowned apon, but if my mother in law is choosing this life style, am I wrong for not feeling the slightest bit of sympathy for her or her situation. It just seems to me that people think its ok for a women to hit a man but its not ok for a man to hit a women. Please share youre thoughts with me on this matter

What will you teach your children?

Answer 1

I totally agree that it is wrong for a man to hit a women unless provoked i.e.,she hitting him first. And its kinda funny cause I'm in the same situation. My mother-in-law stays with her boyfriend who beats her and then my husband wants to kill him when he hears of the newest abuse and most of the time its her who starts it. There have been times when my husband has gone over there to correct the problem(with his mom's b/f) and she would end up getting mad at my husband for hurting her b/f. I have also been raised that if you are gonna hit like a man(a female hitting a man first) then you deserve to get hit like a man. I am 21 yrs old,I am 5'1 and weigh 110lbs and my husband is 22, 5'9,and 185 lbs so I know he could take me out with one punch that is why I do not provoke it and he has never laid a hand on me because there is no reason to. But as for his mom I feel absolutely NO sympathy for her because she is the one who starts it most of the time and even when she doesn't she throws her sob story about her getting beat up to everyone and then an hour later she is on the phone with her dude telling him she loves him and goes home to him the next day. So as for your mother in law and mine They love the drama and that is why they do it...Just to get attention when they want it and get the adrenaline rush because of the drama they have created and honestly I say" They get what they deserve if they are dumb enough to stay with an abusive partner than they are dumb enough to get their *** kicked again and again" Harsh.....but true...
Also,I will teach my daughters the same thing(even tho I know it will piss me off if a man puts his hands on my daughters even if they did start it) but if they are gonna hit like men then they deserve to be hit back. DO NOT provoke a man to hit you because there will always be someone stronger than you and if you man at the time is that person then you DO NOT want to provoke him to hit you. Also I Will teach my daughters that unless provoked(such as my girls throwing the first punch) it is NEVER OK for a man to put his hands on them for any reason other than what I said above...and even some circumstances of the above stated reason are NOT acceptable,and if they are getting beat up for no reason by a man they need to leave and then call the police right away so the matter can be dealt with (cause I Will kill the first asshole to lay his hands on either of my daughters for no reason)

Answer 2

Your p.s. says it all-you are doing well if your HUSBAND is not abusive after growing up with this.

Violence is wrong. Period. A man does have more chance of really hurting the woman but that is not the point. I understand why you have no sympathy. I would hit back if I was hit, I think!

I had a sister like this (she later died in a car wreck) and at one point a therapist told me that some people (usually women) crave drama and crisis in their lives, it is like alcohol in that it keeps you from having to feel your deeper pain. My sister would not throw a punch but could be so verbally abusive that when I was 12 (and she 24) I sympathized with the huge husband who put her in the hospital with a cracked skull. She went through two husbands and was just getting her life together when she died.

That said, you will never win by expressing this to your husband. This is HIS MOM and he doesn't want her to get hurt. You are putting him in between the two of you. If she won't get help, maybe he should seek help in how to deal with the situation.

Good luck!

Answer 3

When someone hits another person, it's usually one of two things.

1) Both people like being hurt or causing pain, which makes it sexual, and in a control environment with safety kept in mind thats fine.
2) One or both parties have lost control and their common sense has been consumed by a darker emotion.

Number 2 sounds like what is happening in this case.

Look, a man has no right to hit a woman, and a woman has no right to hit a man, unless in the case of self defense. If she is hitting him first, he shouldn't drag her outside and curb stomp her, but he could try to subdue her first. Pinning or a strong hold until she grows tired, or hitting her back just enough to make her second guess the action. My Mother and Grandmother who raised me told me to do this if a woman ever started to hit me.

And if a man hits a woman first, there isn't alot of options left to her. She can't just pin and hold until she is physically up to par to him. Men are just, in most cases, the larger of the two. So, what should a woman do? Subdue the man just the same.

How? Drop to your knees. When he comes at you, grab a testical in each hand and pull in opposite directions. Repeat as required. 10 dollars says he'll stop hitting her at least long enough for her to get in the car and drive away, get next door, use a cell phone to call the police. That or go for the eyes.

End result, subdueing the other while causing as little damage as possible is key, but when your the smaller one of the two, do what you have to. But get away after the deed is done.

Once the attacker is subdued accordingly and you are away, alert the authorities and don't go back alone. Get help.

If you can't talk it out or work it out with help, get out of the relationship. Someone is going to get hurt.

Answer 4

You can only help someone so much and if they don't want help either they are scared of their man, scared to be alone or they like the attention. If a woman hits a man then I think she's asking for it...but a man should have the respect to warn her first..b/c some woman don't expect it, but in your step mothers situation...if she reallllly is throwing the first punch then she knows what she is getting in to.

Answer 5

What do you teach your children? You teach them that it is o.k. that everything will be alright till the next time and there becomes the next cycle of abuse. Your Mother In Law sounds like my daughters, this woman left a stable environment to have a fling with a younger man, then left her family (grown up) to be with this man. Life from what I can gather was too quiet, so she created problems so she could have a drama to feed off. But the worst is she envolved her own sons who wanted to beat the you know what out of her new guy. NOT ON!! She has made her bed, she should lay in it, or get out of it for good. Your husband is probably a good son, but he perhaps needs to allow his mother to grow up and take consequences for her own actions

Answer 6

I hit people if they hit me first. If I was a guy and a girl hit me first I'd hit her back. I don't agree that men are stronger than women. Women are the ones who have babies and from what I've heard that's pretty hard. There's weak and strong people from both sexes.

As for what I'll teach my kids, I'll teach them not to hit anyone unless someone hits them first. And I'll tell them if they hit someone first then they should expect to be smacked right back.

Answer 7

I am like you - I taught all of my children as well as my students at school that people don't hit people, I do understand when women stay in abusive relationships because they have no family support and no alternative. I do NOT understand women like your mother-in-law who not only stays - but almost brags that she throws the first punch. She and her partner are in a mutually destructive relationship. It sounds like both are at fault and on some level - both like things the way they are. Just be as supportive as possible. A time may come when your mother-in-law decides enough is enough and she will need you and your husband.

Answer 8

If she is strong enough to hit him, she is strong enough to take the hit. That is her fault, and I wouldn't feel any sympathy either...

My children be raised to think the same way I do.

To my daughters, if you hit a man, expect to be hit. If you show the strength to hit him, expect him to respect that strength.

To my sons. Respect women. Never hit a woman, unless she has hit you first. Respect her weakness', AND her strengths. If she is strong enough to hit you, hit her back. For each time she hits you, hit her back. If she keeps hitting you, try to pin her and stop her from hitting you.

I grew up being rough and tumble. Nothing got me more mad than when a boy wouldn't hit me. It told me that he did not respect me as a person and thought I was weak.

But above all else I will teach them NOT to hit any one period, unless they are hit first. Self Defense.

Answer 9

Domestic violence is harmful to anyone who is on the receiving end. Even if a woman is doing it to a man. Sounds like they need couple's counseling since they are both doing it to each other, though the woman may be the abuser and the man is only defending himself. Shows you that stereotypical roles we expect can be reversed. If the situation is that he is being abused and just defending himself, he needs to get away from her and get some therapy. and so does she. if it's mutual they should see someone together.

Answer 10

never should a man hit a woman. my dad used to beat my mom pretty bad right in front of us and it was an ugly thing to see. as soon as a man put a violent hand on me i was outa there. i dont think you should feel sympathy for her if it is her personal choice but every time there was a beating i would call up the police quick. shell get the idea. then again she might get pissed off. my husband has never laid a hand on me but instead on the wall and that was fine with me. he also teaches our son not to lay a hand on a female no matter what!