My sister divorced nearly five years ago. She since went to college, finished her degree, got a good full time job, has two kids one grown and one in her teens, and is 39. She has alot going for her in her life, but seems to continuously make bad choices in men. She keeps dating loser after loser. The guy she is seeing now is unemployed, lives with his mother, has poor hygiene, and isn't remotely good looking. If he were to walk up to her while she was out drinking, she'd tell him to get lost, but for some reason she can't seem to do that sober. She has sent her daughter to live with her father so she doesn't have to "deal with" the fighting, and so she has more personal freedom. How do I tell her that she's making bad choices in men and that she is better than the men she is choosing? She asks me where she can find a man like my husband and how do I tell her that she won't find one like my husband because she likes dirty guys apparently?
2007-08-08 16:47:06 · 11 answers · asked by Family 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to add... I'm not asking this to "bad mouth" my sister... I love her dearly. I just don't want her falling victim to a freeloader but don't know how to approach the situation. Also, my husband and I don't have any single friends....
2007-08-08 17:05:24 · update #1
Sounds to me like your sister has low selft esteem. She settles for what she believes she can get. She says she wants a man like your husband, but yet her actions show that she really thinks she DESERVES a man like the loser she's with. She already knows that she's making bad choices. I dont think that's what you need to tell her. If you want to help her, I'd suggest helping her see the great person she is. When she sees that, she wont settle for the losers anymore.
2007-08-08 16:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by RockNRoll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be upfront and honest. If she asks you your opinion on the boy situation just ask her why she is picking all these losers. Tell her how much she is worth and that she could do alot better. She may just be feeling like shes not worth a great guy since the divorce. Yes it has been 5 years but still she could be hard on herself about it. Still honesty is key here. She deserves better than some lowlife unemployed bum who still lives with his mommy. If shes 39 I can only imagine that he is also in his late thirtys or early 40's...what in the world would possess a man that old to live at home? Freeloader. Hes going to use her for what he wants and then leave her once she puts her foot down. Tell her to get rid of him NOW! Also you could help her out do you know any nice guys that would be just perfect for her? How about your husband? You could set her up and you and your husband could double date with them.
2007-08-08 23:55:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me that she must have some esteem issues and feels like she cant have anyone better. However, the problem is, when people close to you try to tell you that what you are doing is wrong, you don't want to listen. But when a stranger gives you advice all of a sudden it's clear as glass what needs to be done.
Tough love is the solution. I had a friend in an abusive relationship who constantly called me when they got into fights. I offered to let her stay with me, provided her with resources, went to the police station to help her press charges (which she later dropped). After a while, I said forget it. I wont help you if you don't want to help yourself. I stopped picking her up, didn't return her phone calls, and said "when my friend comes back, tell her to call me."
Now all of a sudden that she knows she can't play the games, she's found the strength to leave. Yeah, it took 5 yrs and a baby to figure it out...but better late then never.
2007-08-08 23:54:12 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she may be going through a faze but to do it nicely with out hurting her feelings really sit down and talk to her about the guy you really can't change any one mine if they have e it made u sometimes they have to make there own chose whether it is good or bad but i just sad talk to her be honest and see what happens
2007-08-08 23:52:24 · answer #4 · answered by denise b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL SADLY SOME PPL WONT REALIZE WHAT THEY'RE DOING WRONG ON THEIR OWN OR UNTILL SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS. SO I SAY U SHOULD SIT HER DOWN AND HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT UR CONCERNS AND HOW UR JUST LOOKING OUT FOR HER. IF SHE BECOMES OFFENDED IN ANY WAY THEN IT IS PROBABLY WHAT SHE WANTS BUT FROM WHAT IT SEEMS I DOUBT IT'S WHAT ANY WOMAN WANTS....
2007-08-08 23:57:44 · answer #5 · answered by mimi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. What you wrote states your case eloquently.
She's your sister. She's used to you being frank.
Love her, good and bad decisions. Make sure she knows it. No one likes my cousin's husband, she moved away and doesn't talk to them anymore.
Be honest, but be loving and don't dictate.
2007-08-08 23:53:28 · answer #6 · answered by Autumn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her where to find a good man and stop bad mouthing her. Maybe she thinks she can mold the looser to her liking (wrong!).
2007-08-08 23:51:57 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that no matter what, she can only depend and rely on good and responsible men. someone who's not like me.
2007-08-08 23:50:56 · answer #8 · answered by chandru_89_new 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry there is nothing we can do --- your sister has to change the way she decides to date no one can tell her what to do ---- best wishes to you both
2007-08-08 23:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Willy has some good advice.
2007-08-08 23:52:07 · answer #10 · answered by thegillitine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋