Soldier's, you don't mind a little joke do ya?

Question

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon
encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified
Approach to Military Operations:

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake.
Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with
three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred
civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a
success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are
awarded Silver Stars.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State
Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by
building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it
to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in
obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using
countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't
understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support
in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to
safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim
extremist snakes.

Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills
snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on
how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake
force projection.

Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local
civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works
feverishly to save snake's life.

Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two
weeks after due date.

F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses
target due to weather.

AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on
infra-red.

UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts
bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.

B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every
other living thing within two miles of target.

Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but
can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use
nuclear weapons.

Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of
snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for
snake activity as LOW.

Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds
of professional courtesy.

CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake
equiptment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills
it. Crew chief uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.

Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.

Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a
straight line.

Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-
snake missions, accidentally electrecuted snake in the process.

Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on
improving flood plain, can't do it because snake is on the endangered
species list.

Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.

I hope to make you smile. Love you all! God Bless Ya!

I got the joke from my very good friend who is a Major is the Marines. I love it that she can laugh at herself!

Answer 1

CLASSIC! roflmao! My hubby is in the Navy! I will be printing this out and showing it to him! My sides hurt from laughing so hard! It was awesome! Where did you find that joke?

Answer 2

Here is one back to you.

Military Code of Conduct

US Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a ".4 or 9"
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
14. Come home a conquering warrior.

Navy SEALS Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
5. Come home a conquering warrior.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
6. Come home a conquering warrior.

US Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.
4. Come home a conquering warrior.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.
10. Come home a conquering warrior.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Watch porn.
4. Deploy the Marines.
5. Do something you can never tell anyone else in the next port.
6. Come home a conquering warrior.

Answer 3

That's funny. I like the one with the SEALs. Here is one of my favorite.

Seals vs. Green Beret

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it. When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"

Answer 4

Army sniper kills snake with one shot from a mile a way...hoping its the right snake and calls it diplomacy because it may or may not have been poisonous

Answer 5

Definitely worth a star.

Answer 6

LMAO 5811 gotta love em (will test anything including snakes) ^_^

Answer 7

Loved it, even the Marine stuff. Hell yeah we can laugh at ourselves, but God help anybody else that does!!!

Answer 8

meh, i think the marine ones were off but the rest were funny

Answer 9

i got a giggle out of that.

God Bless our Brave Troops.

Answer 10

Two last categories:
Barracks trooper; What is a snake.
REMF (look it up). "When I was there we had to fight millions of snakes, there were so many that ... yada yada yada."

Good story, we liked it.