What should I do about a bridesmaids, that is being FLAKY?

Question

I will be getting married August 2008, I have asked a friend of mine, 2 months ago to be my matron-of honor, and she was excited about it.The past month, I have called and texed to try to get her, to talk to me, but she is always busy. I understand that she has a life of her own, I told her that I truly need to know if she really wants to be in the wedding, and gave her a date that I needed to know, what her decision is.That day has come and gone with no answer, so I am assuming, her answer is a no. Am I being to mean, by seating a date, for her answer? If so who should I hanlde her being a flak?

Answer 1

You were just being honest by setting a date. If she truly wanted to be in the wedding, she would have given you an answer right when you asked the question.

Planning a wedding can be very hectic. And it's only going to get busier as the weeks go by. Your bridesmaids (especially maid of honor) should be those you can depend on for support and she obviously can't do that right now. Does this mean she's a bad friend? Not necessarily. So, you might want to invite her to the wedding. She can still be there to witness your special day but not drive you crazy by being too busy with her own life.

Answer 2

Let her know that this is YOUR special day and you want it to run as smoothly as possible. Just say something along the lines of "I really need to know if you are committed to this and you really want the job, because as my matron-of-honour I count on you for a lot of things for my wedding. If you don't want the responsibility, please tell me now so I can ask someone else. I won't be offended if you say no, I just need an answer"
If this doesn't work tell her to shape up or ship out. I don't know how close you are to this person, but it seems that she feels there are more important things to do than be your matron-of-honour.

In my opinion, having this role bestowed upon you is a great honour that you should cherish and take very seriously. Not wanting to offend, but she sounds like she is not a very good friend or she doesn't take your friendship as seriously as you do. I say this because you asked her to do this for you and she seems disinclined and not very interested.

Good luck and if she doesn't respond, don't let it spoil your planning and have a great time.
Congratulations to you and the groom-to-be.
Have a great day/night!!!
xx K

Answer 3

I 'fired' my maid of honor about 6 months before my wedding and had to get a new one. I bought the dress back so she wasnt out of any money and I just gave it to the replacement girl. The replacement girl was soooo excited and helpful - I cant imagine my wedding without her!

I fired the 1st one because she wasnt doing anything to help me at all - and I was asking for help and getting stressed out. When I did get advice from her it was comepletely not my style and she'd get mad because I didnt do whatever she suggested.

Dont be afraid to talk to her - ask her if she is too busy for you because you need her more than she is giving you right now. If she doesnt answer you - then you know you should pick someone else and move on.

Answer 4

You are not being mean at all. I had the same problem and ended up demoting my Matron of Honor. Actually, I didnt demote her, I kicked her out of the wedding party all together. Now my sister is my Matron of Honor and things are much much better. The girl I was talking about it much happier, and so am I.

Answer 5

Oh me. I have been given married on March seventh. I had 3 bridesmaids. one in each and every of them subsidized out 10 days till now the marriage. the different 2 by no potential wanted to debate any info the two. relatively no longer the suited bridesmaids inspite of the shown fact that all of it worked out. i chanced on a alternative and ordered the gown right now and have been given it in time!

Answer 6

The last thing a bride needs as her big day approaches is a flake for a matron of honour.
Maybe she is having 2nd thoughts about taking on such a responsibility. I suggest you have a face-to-face meeting with her, & CALMY offer her a dignified way she can bow out of being matron of honour so you guys can stay as friends. :-)

Answer 7

Let her know straight up . You need to make sure she wants to do this and there is a deadline because if not you need to make other plans . If she doesnt answer you then its safe to assume she will not be in your wedding , still send her an invite to the wedding as a guest.

Answer 8

It sounds very reasonable that you set a deadline for her to accept or decline your invitation to be in your wedding. ...given that your wedding is one year away (and I know- in wedding time line not a very long time) BUT...you shouldn't be at the "freak out" stage yet...if you are stressing out, hence stressing out your bridal party already (!!!) she may very well just be dreading the upcoming year and has decided "screw this". Have you considered asking her to let you know how available she will be for help ? (life situations change- maybe life became very hectic after you first asked her to be in your wedding)

Good luck- breathe! You still have plenty of time, don't let wedding planning affect a friendship.

Answer 9

I think it's so funny when people use the word fired regarding their bridal party, they are not your staff members!! I don't think it is unreasonable to ask her and then set a date, that's pretty reasonable to give someone thinking time. I'd say call her again and say to her that as she didn't call you you've had to ask someone else, you do have a right to know and every bride needs someone who is going to help and support her.

Answer 10

You need a face to face talk with her if she is not replying to your calls or text, or always saying she is busy.

Sounds like a "no" to me though.