My Son and his ex-girl friend are expecting a baby in February,they are thinking adoption as a choice?

Question

They do not think they are ready to be parents my question is about open adopton and how would that work. I would love to see pictures of my grand child and meet him/her one day.

I give 100% support to them in whatever they decide. I have other children and 4 grandchildren with 2 more on the way.(one theirs) This is hard for them,and for me as I love my children and grandchildren very much. I only want what is best for them and their baby.

Answer 1

My husband and his then girlfriend got pregnant when both were only 19 years old (he's now 34 and we're expecting our first child in December) and they did an open adoption with their daughter. They picked out a wonderful family that live not too far from us, and although my husband doesn't keep in contact with the family or his daughter, his mother does, and so far, it's worked out just fine. His daughter knows she's adopted and she is now 15. Every Christmas the adoptive parents send my mother-in-law a letter and current pictures of her granddaughter...she met Kaylee twice in person when she was little and was introduced as a "family friend" not as grandma. My husband and I read the letter and look at the pictures, and my mother-in-law keeps her current school picture in a frame up in her dining room.

I think my husband and his ex made an excellent decision choosing to give their daughter up for adoption. Kaylee has a wonderful family and is growing up to be a fine young woman...she's getting something that I don't believe my husband would have been able to provide for her at such a young age, which is a good stable home and a good education.

I hope your son and his ex make a good decision for themselves and their baby...I think adoption is a wonderful thing, and I look forward to meeting my husband's daughter someday.

Answer 2

Basically all infant adoptions are handled the same. If you go through an agency they will screen the couple and do all the necessary legal paper work with them. In most states the father can sign over his rights before the birth but I would not recommend doing this. Have your son do it at the same time as his ex. This way she can't claim soul custody of the child should he sign over his rights early and she change her mind. Birthmother rights are not signed over until after the birth. Typically a social worker will come to the hospital to complete the steps of filling out the termination of rights paperwork and then once the baby is able to leave the hospital place the child in the adoptive home that was selected. Most agencies will give birth parents information on the families so they can choose. Once placement occurs there is a time frame set by the state as to when the adoption can be finalized. In some places there is anywhere between 30-90 days in which the birth parent can change their mind and petition the courts to reverse the placement giving them custody back.

Technically there is no such thing as open adoption. It's just a term that used to encourage communication between the parties involved in an adoption. I've been out of the field for a while so I'm not sure if any states have enacted laws making open adoption contracts legal. After an adoption occurs the adoptive parents have the right to have no contact. Any contracts which specify what the parents will do such as send pictures, etc are not legally binding in court. It's more a moral thing. If they want to have a more open adoption they need to start interviewing prospective parents early and choose one they feel are honest about their intentions. Having them involved in the process along the way can give them a good feel for what the couple will be like. I would recommend they check the agencies carefully. Go with one that does a lot of infant placements with open contracts. Stay away from agencies that have lower amounts of infant placements and attorney adoptions. Open adoption situations are becoming acceptable so there is a really good chance they can find the right family. I hope that if they choose this path that they are able to find a family open enough to include you as well.

Answer 3

Well open adoption varies in some birthparent/family might see the child a couple times a year. Sort of like a relative you might only see 2 or 3 times a year. There are ones that are far more open then that, where birthparent/family might see the child more then just a few times a year, maybe even monthly. Adoptive and birth families become like extended family of sorts with the others attending events for each family: Wedding, birthdays, family reunions etc. Sometimes letters and photos are also sent between the birth family and adoptive family. It really just depends on what is decided when open adoption is plan is planned.

There is also semi – open – this mostly just consists of photos/letters/updates a few times a year. Sometimes sending things is done through the agency so adoptive and birth families aren’t directly sending to each other, but sending to the agency who forwards it on to whoever its going to.

Answer 4

Most open adoptions can be arraigned how ever the parties agree. Sometimes the birth parents are treated as uncles and aunts or some other relation to the child, sometimes it is explained to the child, and other times only pictures and letters are exchanges through the birth and adoptive parents. A closed adoption is exactly that, closed and all identifying information withheld from the child. It would be advisable to contact a lawyer to finalize an open adoption and to have the conditions in writing.

Answer 5

This is a really hard decision for them to make. But you need to make sure you let THEM make the decision. If you want them to keep the baby- you better be prepared to do a LOT to help out. Are they young? Most adoption places cannot allow you to have the names of the adoptive parents. It would be the choice of the parents and also the child when it gets old enough to decide. Tell them to make sure they take their time to decide, and if they have any questions you can meet with a local clinic for referrals to a adoption agency. They should be able to answer all your questions from there. Good luck!

Answer 6

With Open Adoption, the choices are theirs. The can select the adoptive parents, form a Continuing Contact Agreement for future contact conditions, and can receive photos and letters for the full 18 years if they would like. FYI, these contracts ARE legally binding, but I have yet to see an adoptive family not keep up with the agreement. It is usually birthmothers who stop the contact, despite the myth.

It will be important for them to consider the options carefully, and not agree to any until they know what they want. A visit once a year is an option many birthparents choose. With very open adoption, they can have contact directly with the family, but this is an option that is not for everyone.

If they needs referrals to some ethical agencies who can help them, email me and I will respond.

Good luck to them, and to you!

Answer 7

I must say on one hand I am proud of them. Knowing you are not ready to become parents is growing up. and I am so glad she didn't have an abortion. On the other hand why didn't they take precaustions before hand.
Some adoption agencys will work with the adoptive parents and family if the Adoptive parents are in agreement they will meet with the family and you can have some type of relationship with your grandchild. Check around with different agencys. God Bless and Good luck.

Answer 8

Our son's paternal bio-grandparents have visited three times now (he is 19 mos) and we email. We consider them extended family.

Basically, open adoption can work, but not everyone is comfortable with it. In the best scenarios everyone not only will "tolerate" it, but embrace it as an enrichment for all.

www.adotionhelp.org is an agency working only with those who want oepn adoptions and seem pretty ethical

Also check out www.openadoptioninsight.org for resources and information

BTW: open adoption contracts are not legally binding in all states. Most do not enforce or recognize them. My son's first family is in NC, we are in AL, and neither state recognizes our continuing contact agreement as anything but a personal arrangement nor would they enforce it if either party chose to break it.

Answer 9

When your son and his girl friend choose the agency, the will go over all types of adoptions with you.. I send pictures and stuff to the birth parents for my child. I recommend a church adoption agency if you can find one. They tend to be less focus on the money and more on good christian parents

Answer 10

I suggest they do just as they want to. They have their reasons the answerers on this site know nothing about about.

Just make it an "open adoption" so everyone knows about everyone else.

Communication is always the best policy.