Please help me fellow christians???honest answers only?

Question

I just had a big blow out with my elderly mom and she said i am not a good christian for standing up for my self to her. I love my mom but she is hard to handle cause of her confusion and outspokeness. she is always questioning my faith and my devotion to our heavenly father i need some christainly advice from anyone and everyone who reads this? Please help me understand if i am a good christian in taking care of her and letting her live with us or am i a worldly person for wanting to spend sometime with my hubby and kids without her being with us? I just need some advice and prayers???

Answer 1

You got some good quality answers so I just say that once you are married and joined with your husband you both are one flesh.

And even Jesus's mother Mary stayed at at his disciple's John's house for John to take care of.

So be respectful of her. At the same time know that the roles are reversed now and she is under your house and not hers. And your husband is the head of your home, not you or your mother.

We are admonished to "live peaceably with all men" so do the best you can. Remember that even Jesus Christ had his critics. I agree with the one poster to pray for your mom. When she puts you down, don't back down, but don't mouth off either.

God bless you for taking care of her.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, I will remember you in my prayers this evening.

I'm not qualified to judge if you're being a "good Christian" or not, in fact, no one here can help you understand that because it is a question only you and God can possibly answer! Did you pray and seek God's wisdom about taking care of your mom and letting her live with you? If you did and if he led you to make that choice then YES, you are being a good Christian. On the other hand, if you felt that God was leading you to make other arrangements and you chose not to listen to him because of guilt or fear (or your mom's manipulation), then NO, you are not being a good Christian.

Even moreso related to the question about spending time with your family...God commands a man to leave his family and cleave only to his wife (and visa versa). You have a responsibility before God to give your husband and children what they need from you and if that time can't include your mom for whatever reason (perhaps because you need a break or someone else needs a break from her criticisms), then that's what is requires! Again, if you pray about it, God will show you how to balance your responsibilities to your family and to your mother and, if you listen and heed his advice, you will be being a "good Christian".

Having said that, for what it is worth, I think you are being a good Christian by trying to honor your mother and care for her and by trying to care for your family. More importantly, by asking for advice and prayer, you're demonstrating that you have a sincere desire to follow God's plan for you...and more than anything else, that makes you a good Christian!

Answer 3

You are allowed to stand up for what you know is right. Standing up for what is right is a good thing. You are not dishonoring someone, even if that someone is your mother, if you stand up for what's right.

I think you should be glad she is questioning your faith, and use her questioning to teach her about the gospel. Maybe she will open up to it. Pray for that.

I think you are very much honoring your mother by taking her into your home, and taking care of her. She needs to understand that you have a family, and along with a family comes much responsibility, and she muct know she cannot be the center of attention, (if that is the problem). If she doesn't understand that - you need to tell her. You will not be dishonoring her in doing so. What you will be doing is being a responsible adult - something she should be proud of.

Answer 4

So she said you were a bad Christian for wanting to go out with your family without her? I know the feeling. My grandmother doesn't live with me and my mom, but every time we go to visit, she wants to spend every single second with us. I can understand this to a point, but we come over every week, and your mom LIVES with you. You're doing the right thing taking her in. If it wasn't for you, she'd be in an old folks home living off Jello.

The Bible says a Christian should always defend his/her faith. I would guess this includes against other Christians, so you were right her, even if it is you mother. Also, remember only God can judge you.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your family. You should honor your mom but that doesn't mean she gets to control your life. When you disagree or are tempted to yell at her just say a little prayer and try to be respectful. I know it's hard sometimes. Please don't let anything she says make you doubt your faith. None of us are "good", we have all sinned. It's only by the grace of God that we are saved, not how good we are.

Answer 6

I wasn't there so I don't know what went on. I do know that you should honor your mother, no matter what she says or how she acts. I know this is difficult. Pray that Jesus put a guard at the door of your mouth, that He is the one that gives you the grace to deal with her, that He speak to your mother and show her who He is. Go to the Lord with these needs, He will give you all your need to be His ambassador to your mother.

By the way, I had a father who insulted me most of his life. Ten years before he passed away, I became a born again Christian and started praying for him. I never saw one thing that led me to believe my prayers were having any effect. Except that four days before he died he repented of his sins and said yes to Jesus Christ.

You never know how or when God will move. Trust Him.

Answer 7

You are honoring her by taking care of her after she has raised you . This is a hard subject . It is your house but , your mother still has the being in authority figure stuck in her head . I went through this after my dad died and we would go to visit my mom . She would tell us how and what to do with our son in her house when he around 2 years old at the time . We had to grin and bear it and pray for strength and patients. She now is in assisted living because of dementia. Pray for the same , enjoy her while she is still here .Proverbs 15:1 " A soft answer turns away wrath : but grievous words stir up anger ".

Answer 8

You need some time alone with your family. Caregiver burnout is a serious thing. Your mom may have a touch (or more) of dementia. You are doing a good thing having her live with you and honoring her, but you need time to yourself also. If she needs companionship while you're out, maybe you could arrange for a friend to spend some time with her . I'll pray for you.

Answer 9

Your mother sounds like a great manipulator.

She is elderly, probably a bit scared, her faculties are not what they used to be and she is your mother. You do not need to disrespect her but you do have an obligation to your own children and family.

But her questioning the validity or quality of your Christianity and faith has absolutely nothing to do with the validity or quality of your faith. It has to do with her manipulating you. You are an adult and old enough to know the difference.

Answer 10

Stick to your principles as long as you your heart is pure.

Parents sometimes play the "if you disagree with me and do not honor me (read: do what i say) then you are not a good Christian." It's a false statemetn to try to control children.

Unless you are living in her home and under 21 you can probably ignore much of what she ways.

If she is living with you she should honor you ar the woman in charge of the house - she is your guest, she is not in charge. She gets her personal space and you and the hubby get everything else. You can move her out if she gets to be too much trouble.