So, whadda ya do if " being yourself " isn't good enough?

Question

I've noticed that the standard answer given to those who are looking for love is, " just be yourself ". So, whadda ya do if that isn't good enough to get you any dates or attention from the opposite sex.? Then what? Certainly, you're not supposed to pretend to be someone you're not, are ya? C'mon, doesn't anyone have a better answer than that?

Answer 1

Troy,
You have to believe that when it is meant to happen it will if a long relationship is what you are looking for.
You don't want to be a fake because then you have to continue the charade and that can be exhausting.

I think the question here might be why aren't you getting any dates being who you are?
1. Are you looking in the wrong place? Like bars or joints?
2. Are you trying too hard?
3. Is there something that you can change about yourself without changing who you are? Pierced lip or something?

Take your hobbies and build off from them. If you like to swim, go to the beach. If you like movies, go to the movies more. Join a health club...whatever it is, change your tactics maybe.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

Hi Troy C!

Here's what you do... this will take courage so if you don't have any, you'll have to dig some up somewhere cause this could *sting* a little. Go to your closest friends and family members (those who know you best) and ask them to tell you what your pros and cons are from their perspective. Give them permission to be brutally honest and let them know you're doing some 'self reflection' and want to be the best Troy you can be. Have them write the pros and cons down. Then, take their comments (just take them, don't argue or disagree with them), just take them and really dig deep into who you are and take a good hard look at what you can do to change the cons to pros.

Maybe it's working out
Maybe it's working on some elements of your personality
Maybe it's acheiving some career goals
Maybe it's working on your self confidence.

I'm not suggesting you change your likes, dislikes, I am suggesing you take a good hard look at who you are and evaluate if you have some personal growth to acheive that might make you more attractive to others. Give yourself the time to work on whatever needs to be addressed and really do the work.

Then... watch what happens... :)

Good luck!

*In the end, a person should love you for the *best and most well balanced and healthy person you are. Definitely don't try to emulate someone else or 'act' like someone else.. take some time and get to know you separate from a relationship and learn to love you and be content in your own skin. Then, that will show through and you'll be a magnet to other people.

Answer 3

Being yourself is enough.....at the beginning of any marketing campaign. You always start with the truth. Then you review the results of what you are presenting to the public. What type of customers are visiting your "store" when you show a picture of a King sneaking up to the window or hiding behind a tree (Burger King)? Are these the customers you want to attract? Sounds like whatever you are doing is attracting the wrong gender. Maybe you should evaluate your marketing campaign and make some changes but NEVER LIE TO YOUR POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS. My friend attracts older women but he likes younger adult women. His marketing campaign includes a scruffy greying beard, a haircut that he does himself and old clothes . I suggested that he look in the mirror and ask himself is he happy with his appearance or if deep down inside he wants to look better.....I didn't tell him to look better because I would be telling him to look like I want him to look and he'll end up being himself all over again anyway.


Good luck I hope you find what you are looking for.

By the way if you sing or write or play an instrument dont be bashfull about showing it to the world.....it is who you are and someone will love you for it.

Answer 4

You need to be your best self. You should improve your appearance. Take care of yourself. If you don't then who will?
Isn't anyone else's responsibility? It's yours.

Find some hobbies. Try to be a happy person. Surround yourself with fun and interesting person. Take risks. Get involved in some volunteer work. Start thinking of other people.

Answer 5

It is better to be yourself because you want the person that you meet to fall in love with the real you and not the person you are trying so hard to be. If they fell in love with "The actor" then the actor you will always have to portray and that could be more work. You wouldn't be honest.
If the person that you are trying to attract isn't attracted with the Real You, then that should tell you that you wouldn't have anything in common with her anyway and you should move on. Don't settle. Find you a person who will love you for who you are inside. Would you want someone to act like somebody they weren't or would you want them to be there own natural individual self? Find your match and be free to love. Honestly.

Answer 6

I changed drastically, and ended up getting TONS of attention from the opposite sex

It took me nearly a year but now i got every thing down pat.
I changed my body for the better( worked out, got ripped abs, etc)
Went for the most popular look at the time( skater )
Got the hair, skills and practised talking( to remove the shy factor when trying to get hooked up) at different hook up spots around my area, now all i need to do is leave my house, act cool, keep things chill, and relax into a conversation with anybody.

No lie, changing wont make u look bad, it'll boost confidence and increase ur chances. Being ur new self helps a lot aswell.

2 years ago i never had a gf this past year i went out with over 10 very gorgious galls and had fun.
THe reason for the high number is that i couldnt find the perfect match for me. Nowadays with my new looks and personallity I CAN BE PICKY.
sounds sweet huh? try it if ya want.
I turned my life around for the better and u can too. it took along time but it sure WAS worth it. Being ur self at times defenetly isnt worth it, just make sure u dont lie to make ur self look good.

Answer 7

love your self first. how could other see you as good enough if you yourself don't believe that you are...

learn to have confidence so others would notice your strong aura of positive energy...

if you keep on pretending to be someone else to each person whom get along with... at some point in time... you might even forget who you really are...

Answer 8

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Answer 9

be an improved version of yourself- like don't change your eprsonality but just be more confident and outgoing.

other than that you just have to wait until someone comes along to whom ' just being yourself' is good enough, if people always give an answer it's probably cause it's true

Answer 10

if you cant be yourself then they are not good enough for you... unless being yourself means poor hygiene and having poor manners and disrespecting others

If multiple persons are rejecting you.... you might look at yourself. What kind of person are you and would you want to be around yourself if you were someone else.