FELLOW MUSLIMS: Would you help me with this situation?

Question

I live next door to a Muslim elderly couple, subhanallah they have been married for some 55 years now, (they married at 16). Unfortunately, after 2 years of marrige the husband became legally blind. But she took care of him till now, all those years. She couldn't work and they have no kids, and are paid by the federal govenment. But for the past 2 weeks, he has not eaten anything and has become physically and mentally ill. She now says can't take care of him anymore because she's tired and sick herself, and wants to send him to an elderly home--without divorce. She was asking me if she should do this. I don't know what to say really, What advise would you give? How do you see this from an Islamic point of view??

Please star this,it's very important...

Jazakallah Khair

She has relatives, sadly they refuse to help her or him. They said they have their own problems.

Answer 1

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

It is so sad to hear of this situation. It is a major sin that their relatives choose to ignore them. Someone must continue to counsel the family members to take care of them lest they be in the Hellfire. If you live in an area with a Muslim community you should go there and speak to someone. There might be someone there in charge of social work. They may be able to offer direct help, like a sister who can volunteer to go and help with daily needs, or they might be able to coordinate social services.

I have a family member who is an invalid, and her husband took care of her for many years. He is old and feeble and not able to do so. Alhamdulillah, we are able to help them, but if there were no one to help him he would not be able to take care of her daily needs, such as bathroom visits, cleanliness, and food and such. She would be in serious danger if there were no one but him to help her, despite his love for her and their long marriage. In such a case, where there is no family to take care of him, I think she has to seek social services. First of all, if he very suddenly had a change of physical and mental condition he may have had a stroke or other serious issue and he needs to see a doctor immediately. If he's in no immediate danger, she can make an appointment to see if they can get in-home care for him or see if he needs to go to a facility. She is not abandoning him in this case. I'm sure she really is sick and exhausted and she can't take care of his needs. It will be a dangerous situation for both of them if nothing is done.

Allah will reward her for taking care of him all this time. She deserves to have some help and if family and the Muslim community cannot or will not do it, she should turn to the social services for help. She could be doing him a favor if he is in need of care. It is overwhelming to take care of a relative who is mentally not functioning well, and he can actually be a danger to her if he is not in his right mind.

May Allah bless you for your concern. If you can make some phone calls for them that will be a great help.

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid

Answer 2

Dear Jazakallah Khair,

My sympathy to the couple of the Muslim elder couple living next door to you. Let's Al-Mighty God ALLAH SWT deal the relations of the couple for not being responsible and cares.

I'm proud of you being responsible to Muslim brothers and sister.

The problems with the couple is that the husband is blind. I do not know whether any such elderly home will be able to take such a case. Maybe they will take provide the wife be with him at all time for caring the husband. If there such a place well and good. On what ever situation, the wife must not leave her husband. It's a great sin if she does. The place for a wife is with her husband at what ever situation. If there's such a place for the blind old man with the wife, Then.......

My advise to you with full hearted and devotion is,

Arrange for both of the couple to be place at the Old Folks Home (elderly home) immediately.

Divorce;

The questions of divorce should arise here. There's not case for divorce. The husband never leave the wife for more than 3 months and 10 days without expenses and sex. The husband had never ill threated the wife by bitting the wife etc, etc, etc.
I see the wife love the husband. Until today for more then 39 years of married, the wife is still loyal to the husband. The wife at the moment is ill and could not take care of the husband.

The power of divorce is in the hand of the husband. If the wife wants a divorce, she had to make a report at any Syariah court of Khadi and will be trial in the court before the Fasak can be taken. It's a long way. Just forget it my dear Jazakallah Khair Muslim sister.

Answer 3

In Islam the taking care of the elderly, the orphan, the strangers and the needy are not solely put unto the shoulders of the relatives but to the whole Muslim community. We have, as Muslims, responsibility to see to it that those people around us, regardless of their faith and race, are taken care of. But we do have misgivings, oftentimes we forget that we are our neighbor's keepers. Yet despite that humans are amazing, we try to help others in any way that we can. And should our help be not enough, Allah knows what is in our hearts.

Regarding the old woman's predicament, why only send the husband? Would it be nice if she also go with him? Since she is also old and sickly, would it be better that someone will take care of her also?

Believe me she will never survive a day without the husband. After that long 55 years, she just can't turn away from him. She is desperate, confuse and lonely. She is willing to sacrifice herself just for the betterment of her husband without thinking in return that she will be full of sadness and longing for a love that is so pure without limitation and restriction, a love that gives without asking something in return, a love that she found in the embrace of her husband. That is true love...

I hope, Insha'Allah, they will be together...

Answer 4

They can be together in some retirement community or place... many places availbalde public and private... must have an idea of assets, benefits and location... the best retirment community in Philadelphia Delaware Valley area is in Moorsetown through the society of Friends... beds are made and meals aare provide... walking to local attractions, library... do not know about vol service opps which many supplement for monetary payment... contact them and get community together... inquire as to Friends services neaby you... the Friend have a tradition of assiting Indigeonos peoles and Blacks... There is no on better in this country for us.

Much Love Your Friend Donna Marie de Garica y Critch en Fernandez Levy AlForookh AlBakhit Bayram Jewish name Danielle birth right Leoard Levy Holocaust Survivor together with Charlotta Hendel Levy

Answer 5

May Allah lighten their burden and make them happy forever..Ameen..
Love & Faithfulness...... are not just words but actions. They have lived together for about 55 years, they have shared lots of happy and sad situations.... May be the wife is now too old to take care of her husband,but at least she should stay by his side,strengthen him and don't let him feel lonely... :-(
If going to an elderly home will make the husband more safer and under somebody's care...... so go ahead.. she shall send him there,BUT not alone ...... she should go with him in order to be by his side.
If I were in her shoes,i would do so,for what is Love and Faithfulness after all.................

Answer 6

I have a quite a similar problem. My uncle is mentally ill, and he is quite out of control. He abuses my grand mother (she takes care of him ) by hitting her and yelling at her. But my grandmother, being someone whom is very traditional, refuses to send him to the hospital, although she herself is suffering...

But anyway, to answer your question :
- i would suggest sending him to either a retiremnt communtiy, nursing home, because the real fact is, he needs help and she won't be able to provide him with that help. Of course she will be able to visit him and all..

But- of course i would suggest getting a professional answer by :
- going to www.sunnipath.com and clicking on answers and then ASKING your questions.. i once asked a question and then they answered it ( im sorry but i had to wait like a few weeks ) But if a few weeks is too long for you to wait, then i suggest going to your local mosuqe and asking some of the sisters and maybe the imam

I hope i helped

May Allah (swt) solve all your and their problems and keep you happy

Allah Hafiz

Answer 7

Oh, how sad. Do either of them have nieces or nephews that could help? Any relatives? I hope I am never in this womans shoes to make a difficult decision like this. Maybe she can look into a retirement community (NOT a nursing home) I used to work for a retirement community back home. They offered assistance when one or both were to old and sick to care properly for each other. I will pray for this couple, inshaallah.

Answer 8

Islam did not spread on the basis of cruelty in fact it the most humble religion ever witnessed by man kind.
my suggestion is that she should hire a full time nurse but as u say that they ain't very rich so ... the best option available to her is to send him over to the nearest old home.

for a more authentic answer contact al mujtahid ayat-allah sistani ( religious guid of shia people), here is the link
http://www.sistani.org
u can ask the question there, in ASK YOUR QUESTION section

Answer 9

Salaam. blackmail is a no- no she's not going to learn that way. you need to educate her instead. hint to her, the punishment (i.e- '' u know, i was reading online that the puinishment for such and such...'') she needs to know its sinful, she already knows, she needs to know the importance of the Akhirah. its not just about enjoying this life, but itsabout the akhirah. she won't care until she realises who Allah is. How many Bounties He has granted us. why we should obey Him. you could always be frank with her, depending on how flippant she is. If she respects you she may respect what you say,If not she'll just throw it back into you rface. don't try to embarass her, i know little sisters can be VERY annoying, but theres no-point. one-one if she doesn't listen tell your parents. What she may do is carry on but more cautiously. ....I don't think its a good idea to tell her you've been stalking her. May Allah(swt) guide us all, and may He give us all knowledge of this deen.

Answer 10

is that star will help for solution? i wonder !

any way this woman has been a right good wife until now.
but if both of them are ill and old and while thère are no relatives and no sons, i think they should go together to aldery house whère they'll find together help and whère they'll stay together all their life. ( i think this situation should be seen from human point of view and it won't be, i think ,a big difference bécause islam is humanisme!)

i whish them a long life !!!