My three year old gets easily frustrated and?

Question

blames everything on me. If he falls, gets hurt, can't fix something, or can't have something. He hits me like it is all my fault. He only does this when he is frustrated or mad. I tell him no hitting and give him time-outs but he still does it. I won't spank him becasue then that makes no sense. Hitting for hitting, I don't think so.. plus I don't believe in spanking anyway. Sometimes after he does it he hugs me and say"Be nice to momma" and I'm sorry. So I guess it is just an anger control issue. What should I do? Is this normal behavior?

Answer 1

This sounds totally normal, and you're doing all the right things. He's trying to figure out what makes other people tick, and he's trying to do more without having the physical or mental ability to. That's got to be frustrating to them, and the only way they know how do deal with it is by throwing fits. He'll outgrow this once he gets a bit older. Hang in there.

Answer 2

my three year old also has a very short temper, tho she doesnt hit out but she vocalises more verbally shouting and throwing her toys in tantrum. I tend to get down to her level, let her know its ok to get mad but not ok to shout at mummy and break things, and then offer to assist her in whatever it was that she couldnt do that started her off in the first place, i calmly on purpose make a mistake so it doesnt look like its just her that gets things wrong or cant do something some times then i focus on pretending that we can get it right maybe a second time if we do it together and talk about what we are going to do as we do it.... it always calms her down and her tempers seem to be mellowing now as she knows she can come to me and ask me to help her.
As for when she cant have something, shes pretty good ill explain that mummy has no money or that something has to happen first for example after nursery tomorow you can have another pack of sweets, then she can understand that after that has happened she can have which she understands and now i get no fuss off her as long as i keep lines of communication open with her and choose my words very carefully with her, make sure tho that if you say "after such and such has happened you may have" make sure you mean it and do it and reinforce that you said he could have after such and such and now he is having, it gives him the reinforcement you will stick yo your end of the bargain and so temper tantrums are seeming more of a thing of the past for us now, i can take her shopping and i dont need to worry about tantrums!!

Answer 3

Its normal. When my son was that age, he did the same thing, he didn't hit me though, he'd scream "I HATE YOU!!!" really loud to me, even though whatever was going on wasn't remotely my fault. Not sure why I was always the target!

We tried ignoring it for a while, but then finally started a reward chart for him - when he got through an entire day without saying "I hate you" (because it happened at least once a day), he got a star, and when he got a week of stars he got a reward (a small toy or cookie). It worked well and then he just outgrew it and we stopped it.

Good luck!

Answer 4

My nephew does this to his mom...to the point of pinching/hitting and really hurting her. Leaving bruises etc. on her body...he is very small for his age but he is strong built.

I'm not going to imply anything about how you are raising your son. I'm just going to tell you the situation with my nephew and sister-in-law...

She rarely disiplines. When she does it is because she is frustrated and out of patience with him or they are around people that she wants to impress. He fits their schedule. He isn't disiplined consistently. I really think that that is the main problem. He spends more time (awake for sure) at my house than at their house in a normal week.

Make sure that you are consistently dispilining in whatever way you choose. Also reward good behavior. If he gets mad and (show him the right way to behave when he gets mad) angry then show him how to act. Explain before he is mad. Make a chart with him and tell him that everytime he gets mad and counts out loud to ten and makes it to ten then he smiles and then he gets a sticker. For every three stickers he gets a dollar...

My nephew is on medication for his heart also. This makes him more hyper. Although, he has NEVER acted this way with me. Is your baby on medication? It could partly be that his medication needs lowered or switched. Could it be something he is eating? drinking? Caffeine? Red dye sometimes affects kids...hope that this helps you.

Answer 5

My 3 year old has fits like this when his food breaks and then wails and says "I wanted it biggggggg" What we're working on is practicing appropriate responses, if we can fix it, or if he should say for mommy or daddy to help, or even say when he's mad or sad, and what could make it better.

Although sometimes, he still just uncontrollably wails, but theres progress, and sometimes he doesnt.

Also sometimes the role playing is kind of silly, like make a silly face or really sad face when you fall. Our 3 year old likes this.

Answer 6

I' m sorry but I can't allow my child to hit me. Your child needs to know if you say stop you mean stop. Sit his butt down explain to him what he is doing wrong and if he does it again give him a firm hit in the hand and that is not spanking your child. Then see if he does it again but you can't allow it and that maybe his way of getting what he wants from you whether it is attention or affection.

Answer 7

Dealing with angry children is the most difficult part of a parent's job. It stirs feelings ranging from exhaustion to nerve wracking aggravation.
The first step toward better management of children's anger is to teach children that anger is normal, that it is ok to get angry. the task then becomes how to manage anger and channel it toward productive or at least acceptable outlets.
You must remember that just as there are many things in our adult lives that make us angry (i.e., being cut off in traffic, losing something important, or being frustrated by our computers). Becoming angry at these types of events is normal. Likewise, there are many things in children's lives that make them angry, and their reactions are normal. Adults must allow children to feel all of their feelings, and model acceptable ways to manage them.
Children respond with anger because they feel helpless To understand why a child becomes more angry than other children takes some time and effort. What triggered the outburst? the thing to realize is that our anger is generally a reaction to frustration. In children, however, anger appears to be a more generic emotion. It can be triggered by embarrassment, loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and hurt. Children often respond with anger to these types of situations because they feel helpless to understand the situation fully and helpless to change it. In a way, their anger is a response to frustration as well.
A child that is especially defiant may be behaving this way to counteract dependency and fears of loss. A child who feels hurt by a loss may become angry as a way to avoid feeling sad and powerless. Sometimes a child's anger prompts an adult to set rules more clearly, explain matters more thoroughly, or make changes in the child's environment. In other words, a child may have learned that anger is an all-purpose red flag to let others know that something is very wrong.

Explain that anger is OK. Dealing with a child's anger requires first finding out what they feel. Ask them what's happened, what went wrong, or why they are feeling what they feel. They may be able to tell you very clearly. On the other hand, they may need your help to label their feelings.
Explain that anger is OK (i.e., "I know how you feel, it makes me mad when other people borrow my thing and don't ask too"). Offer other ways to express his anger. A parent might say something like, "Here's what I do when I get mad."
Don't just tell your child what not to do; tell them what they should do too. "Don't hit your brother when you're mad. Tell me about what happened, or tell him to give your toys back, or warn him you'll tell me."
Some parents want to punish anger because they don't like aggression. Contrary to popular opinion, punishment is not the most effective way to communicate to children what we expect of them. Explaining, modeling, and setting rules is. Expect that your child will break a rule three or four times. This is how they learn which rules are serious ones, which ones you will enforce, and which ones can be broken under certain circumstances. Breaking rules often isn't done in anger, but is a way of learning.

Answer 8

Why in the world are today's parents afraid to discipline their children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A swat, smack or spanking IS NOT HITTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just continue with your 'fairy tale' life and the next thing you know your child will be in prison begging you to ug and forgive him.......................................
IT IS NEVER RIGHT FOR A CHILD TO HIT ANYONE!!!
THEY ARE TO DO WHAT THEIR PARENTS TELL THEM TO DO!!!
TIME OUTS DO NOT WORK - THEY ONLY GIVE THE CHILD MORE TIME TO THINK OF MORE THINGS TO DO!!!