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My finance and I are not drinkers. We are not hard parties, and are looking forward to an elegant wedding with family and friends. My mother in law is a bit different. She wants to bring a party bus with her family to the wedding, and then wants to continue the reception with a party at her house. We are told by her parents, his grandparents, that she wants to do this because there was a hell of a party after her wedding that she missed out on because she left for the honeymoon.
The idea of a party bus grosses me out. First of all, my family is very different and I know that they idea of drinking like a bunch of college students will turn them off. Second of all, this day is supposed to be our special day. We don't want this ti turn into their party, especially since we are not partiers ourselves.
She insists the only reason she wants wants a party bus is to prevent drunk driving. We suggested a limo or other service, but she says no.

2007-08-08 07:18:20 · 43 answers · asked by Jackie 2 in Family & Relationships Weddings

43 answers

by even getting this bus tells you she and other members of said party bus are planning to get smashed. well, that is how i would take it. she can get drunk on their own dime at her own house. people can have one or two drinks at your reception, no one should go overboard ON PURPOSE, which is what they will do when they KNOW they have a ride home. tell your groom he needs to talk to his mother, that she is making this about her and it is not her day. sounds like she is trying relive the party she did not get to attend (which is odd, i much preferred the party my husband and i had after the wedding :P).

2007-08-08 07:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 5 0

I've been to many elegant weddings such as you are planning and everyone loved it and had a great time, I have also found that people are often enjoying themself so much they want to carry on the party after the reception has finished and sometimes have gone on to party elsewhere, by party I don't mean a huge drunken brawl, but simply to carry on the happy atmosphere from the reception. Have your fiance talk to your mother in law and say that this is not how you envisaged your day being, but honestly once the recption is officially over you can't really dictate whether your guests go on and party elsewhere, you cannot say to them "Right that's it, you all have to go home now", because if they want to go on and party afterwards they will, your family do not have to get on the bus and go to the party if they don't wish to, I'm sure a lot of people will be too tired to do that anyway, weddings are a long day after all. But if some people do want to party then let them, I'd suggest that you and your new husband retire to your honeymoon suite and have your own private party and let your mother in law handle the party at her house, you don't even have to go. A bus is actually quite a good idea as a lot of people don't think they have had too much to drink when they may be over the limit for driving. Don't stress out too much, if she wants to have an after party then she'll do it whether you want it or not, but remember people have a choice as to whether they attend or not.

2007-08-08 20:59:18 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1 0

If she's planning to pay for the party bus, there's probably not much you can do to convince her not to have it. bummer. I agree with the poster who said that the party bus implies that the people on it intend to get smashed. You obviously do not want a bunch of obnoxious drunk people at your reception - especially if you want an 'elegant' event - so your best bet is to control the amount of alcohol served at the reception. If they get ticked off, so what?! If they get ticked off because you don't want a bunch of sloppy drunks at your wedding, they have issues. You could supply wine with dinner, and perhaps champagne for a toast, but do NOT have an open bar for these people. You don't want to have to worry about someone else ruining your day.

Not too long ago, I was at a wedding in which the groom's aunt got absolutely sloshed and embarassed the rest of the family so badly that they escorted her to a taxi and sent her home. It's just not amusing or cute when 50 or 60-something year olds drink and party like college freshmen.

seriously - limit the drinks at the reception, and your MIL won't have the opportunity to get drunk and embarass you. i'm sure you can convince your guy to go along with the plan.

Good luck!

2007-08-08 07:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 2 0

Well I am usually for drinking and having a good time at weddings, but if that is not your thing then more power to you! It is your wedding and if you don't want to remember people drinking until they puke at your reception or even looking forward to the after-party more than your wedding then you need to tell her what is up. Is she trying to upstage your event? If she wants a big drunk fest she can do it on another day, if you are not down with this type of party then you will only resent her in the future...and like your H2B she is with you forever. If you don't want any heavy drinking don't provide liquor, even at the cash bar...stick to beer and wine. Have a set limit and once it is gone, its gone. The rehearsal dinner should be her thing anyway, traditionally speaking, she should have little say in the major wedding plans. I feel for you, we had a few people at our wedding that had to be 'watched' if you know what I'm saying. It will all work out, but state your opinion early and don't be shy, this is about the only time when it will be your way or no way. Good luck to you and Congratulations!

2007-08-08 07:35:26 · answer #4 · answered by Rasta 3 · 1 0

You and your fiance sit her down and explain to her what you want and expect from her and the others who will be at the wedding...... and there isn't anything that says you have to have alcohol at your wedding ~ we didn't for various reasons but mainly for religious reasons since we don't believe in drinking. I also did not want people getting drunk and spoiling the reception as some people are known to do. You can always toast each other with non-alcoholic drinks of some kind and have lots of punch, coffee and soda for others to drink.

Have your future husband tell her if she wants to have a party at her place after the reception, she is more than free to do so but nothing like this at the reception is acceptable and you hope she will respect your wishes. Remind her that the wedding is for you two and she should respect your wants and desires and not her own. Learn to put your foot down now or she will always be pushing her way into your lives and trying to run things.

Sorry she is causing you problems at a time when you should be looking forward to a beautiful and happy day without all the extra problems. Hope you can get it worked out without too many problems from her.

2007-08-08 07:33:34 · answer #5 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 2 1

I know first hand how brides want to control everything. Some of these party buses would put a limo to shame!! I would think you would be relieved family members will be transported safely. It does not take a large quantity of alcohol to get into trouble driving.

Really, it is none of your concern what happens after your wedding and reception. Is it any ones business what is going on between you and your new husband after you leave?

Just because your family is different doesn't make his family wrong! Maybe several family members will be together for the first time in a while and wish to continue their visit and good time. Really, why are you so concerned?

She is not ruining anything and shouldn't be labeled as such. This is a good example of things getting blown out of proportion and daughter-in-law's bad mouthing their mother-in-laws when it is not deserved.

2007-08-08 09:54:41 · answer #6 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 1 2

It is your day! always remember that. I had a ton of problems with my mother-in-law to be about my wedding. Even down to the invitations. Just put your foot down and know you make the decisions on things.I was worried what she would do the day of the wedding since I stopped all her fabulous ideas and believe it or not she behaved herself.But she had her two cents put into every aspect of our wedding and none of it was done her way.Tell her if she wants a party bus pay for it herself and then at the wedding only serve maybe 2 or 3 different drinks and only serve so many. That will make people not drink as much because they are limited.Just options but remember it is your day not hers!

2007-08-08 07:25:01 · answer #7 · answered by Pookie 2 · 1 0

Argh!!!

I can understand your horror. I didn't want a drunken riot for a wedding either.

We did not put cash behind the bar for peoeple to drink as much as they wished. What we did was give some money to some of the more responsible elders and asked them to make sure that everyone was bought a drink. The responsible people got more money than those we did not trust!!! The parents also likee the excuse to talk to everyone at the wedding and be seen as very generous.

Have you managed to find a venue that has several hotels nearby? If so allow them to head to one and the rest of you can aviod it totally.

Another suggestion to stop drinking getting out of hand is to try and provide some other entertainment to distract people. This may sound strange, but we got a bucking bronco in the garden, and some friends did a fly over in some microlights they had. While people were outside they weren't noticing a bar to be wanting more alcohol.

2007-08-08 07:33:26 · answer #8 · answered by Happle 3 · 0 1

I am in a similar situation as my future in laws are not partiers. If she is throwing an afterparty, let her. It's no big deal. People who want to participate will get on the party bus, which I have to say are of equal if not higher quality than limos, and go to her house. Why do you care? It has nothing to do with your special day. It's not like she's asking you to extend your reception hours to be extended. Also, think about this as her respecting your family's non partying ideals. Everyone behaves at the reception, and then can misbehave at her house afterwards. Also, all she is going to do is extend the invitation to your side of the family for the afterparty. They don't have to go.

Honestly, you really don't have a choice in the matter. If she wants to have a party after your wedding, that's her choice. I think that you should understand that she probably hasn't had a lot of her family together in one place in a long time, and if they like partying, you should be glad they chose your wedding to come together. They will always remember the day.

Let some of this go. I understand you want it to be all about you, believe me. On the other hand, you are going to be busy with your new husband when this party is going on. You won't be there, and it has no reflection upon you.

2007-08-08 07:26:47 · answer #9 · answered by Tara C 5 · 6 2

It is your fiance's responsibility to talk to her. He needs to stand up to her for your requests and desires for the wedding.

Is his dad still married to her? If yes, try to enlist his help. Have fiance explain situation to him, and try to get him on your side. He could maybe help tell her that it is inappropriate. Also, he could help babysit her so that she doesn't act out. If he is not in the picture, find a cousin, uncle, brother, someone to babysit her!

A party bus to an after reception party only may be a compromise. I mean, you don't really care what she does afterward do you? Maybe she will be willing to go along with that idea, and keep the elegance at the ceremony and reception for you.

Prepare yourselves for it to get ugly! Your fiance may have to play hard ball with her and tell her that if she shows up to the church in a party bus, already drinking or drunk, she will not be permitted into the church. Have your coordinator or ushers waiting for this,and tell them she can't come in or call the police.

Surely, she will not want to miss it entirely or be hauled to jail, so I bet she will concede to the party bus for after only.

Mainly, make sure it is the fiance who does the talking; you should not even be present. Make sure he says, This is what I want Mom!

Good luck!

2007-08-09 07:30:09 · answer #10 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0 0

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