My brother in law just got married 3 weeks ago.It was a small and simple wedding but they had a good size reception about 65 people in a hall and it was catered.They say that this was the civil wedding and that next year they will be having the religious one with a much bigger reception.They are having the second one for show and in hopes that more family members will give gifts since not everyone came to the first one.My husband was the best man at this wedding.Does he need to do it again for the second one?He does not want to be in the second wedding.Also do we need to give another gift?And finally is it wrong to only go to the reception of the second wedding?or maybe not to either one?The first wedding was where we lived and this one we will have to fly out of town to go to.My husband and his brother do not talk very much or get along well.But I am torn at what to do.Any suggestions????
2007-08-08 07:16:10 · 12 answers · asked by Pookie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Unfortunately if you want to maintain a relationship with your in laws, yes you need to do this. I wouldn't say anything as of yet, because if they couldn't take care of the bigger ceremony this year, they probably won't be able to next year.
If you want to maintain at least a civil relationship with your in laws and not go you are going to have to lie. I don't have a problem with this, but many people do. As soon as you recieve the invite apologize and say you are in your "friends" wedding on the same date. Make sure you wait until you get the invite, that way you are assured they have secured the venue and date and won't change to get your man involved. Make sure that you sound really sorry when you explain that you have already celebrated their day.
As for a gift, yes, send something. It doesn't have to be anything big, you have already given them a gift. You might even consider making them something with a nice letter enclosed.
2007-08-08 07:38:26 · answer #1 · answered by Tara C 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow can we say tacky? I hear people on these boards talking about doing multiple wedding services so they can get gifts. It doesn't work that way. Send announcements if you really just want the gifts. However I bet once they see the cost of putting on an annual wedding they will change their minds!!
Probably the family members that wanted to give a gift, did so already. The ones that did NOT want to give a gift probably will still not want to.
But you just can't teach some people proper manners. What you can do is IF it comes up and they invite you, say you feel its too soon for a renewal of vows and are going to be unable to make the party. Thank you for inviting me.
Husband should not do be best man again, nor should you fly there to see it. You may give a gift if you wish--after all etiquette says you have a year after a wedding to give a gift. However, this is a gathering like a BBQ or Thanksgiving. That is all. If you normally would bring a gift to one of those, of course you may do so now. You are in no way required to give someone a wedding gift for every year they happen to remain married.
If you chose to return for the family gathering/renewal of vows, of course you would only show up for the gathering/reception. Though if it were me, I would only come if nothing else was going on that w/e. I would not feel the least bit guilty for not going to the annual celebration of their wedding (that most of us call anniversaries, not Wedding part 2 and wedding part 3. Do what suits you--go if you wish, don't go if you don't wish. If you have a doctors appointment and can't attend, that is fine. Do not feel obligated to encourage this type of behavior though.
2007-08-08 07:35:26 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you are having a wedding jsut for gifts-i'm sorry to say but its not worth it to spend $10K on a wedding just to get $1k in gifts- but in some cultures, the religous part of the wedding is actually more important than the civil so i can understand inviting more family and having a bigger wedding-as far as giving another gift-if you bought them one the first time, that should be sufficient- and if your husband doesnt want to be a part of the wedding party-tell them now so they can find replacements. its a big deal planning a wedding, so the sooner the better.
2007-08-08 07:50:51 · answer #3 · answered by M S 3 5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He can decline being best man in the second wedding.
Nobody HAS to go to a wedding if they don't want to.
You do NOT need to give another gift since they already had one wedding. Frankly I would not give any at all since it sounds like they only want the second wedding for more presents (from the sounds of your question anyway).
I personally would not attend and would not give a gift, nor would I give a card, since you were already in the first one and did all you did for the first one.
2007-08-08 07:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've seen them get married, you've celebrated with them, they've had a reception and frankly i am amazed at their apparent greed in having a second 'wedding'.
no your hubby doesn't have to be best man again - especially if this one requires travel and the two of them don't even get along very well.
simply tell them that while the both of you were thrilled to be included in the first ceremony, the cost of attending, as well as the time frame for attending, the second 'wedding' isn't going to work for your hubby or yourself. iam sure you both have jobs, your own family, budgetary concerns, and other committments, that you can use as plausible reasons to not attend. you've given the happy couple a gift and that should be the end of it. seems to me we not only have a 'bridezilla' here, but a 'groomgreedy' as well. very selfish couple. don't play into their agenda. you've done everything you need to do.
send your regrets and wish them well.
2007-08-08 07:31:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband doesn't want to do it - then what's the problem? He needs to just let his brother know. One wedding is quite enough. You have to decide for yourself which part (if any) of the second "wedding" you wish to attend, and whether you're going to get a gift. It really is up to you. I think, the whole idea of having a second (fake) wedding is ridiculous, but sometimes you have to go along with ridiculous things for the sake of keeping the peace in the family. Do what you and your husband are most comfortable with.
2007-08-08 07:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that they need to understand that what they are doing the second time around is NOT a wedding, but a vow renewal. There is a difference and the second time around would not require are the lavish gifts and what-not of a wedding.
2007-08-08 09:04:11 · answer #7 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Second weddings are in pooor taste. And no, they should not expect gifts from you or anyone for that matter. If you are coerced into going, go, but if you have already gave them a gift, no other gifts are requiered.
However, since the other ceremony id for gifts, and since they are tacky enough to have another wedding, they probably are expecting gifts from everyone. If I was you, I wouln't attend.
Good luck
2007-08-08 07:53:55 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm... Having a second wedding to receive more gifts sounds ridiculous to me. I would say do what your husband wants to do, it's his own family and although you married into it, it's really his decision.
Don't go if you don't want to, but also don't stress about making a decision if the invites haven't even been sent out yet. Hopefuly someone will talk to them and they'll change their mind.
As for the gift giving -- Absolutely not.
2007-08-08 07:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by quiet_hands 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If the Bride's mom and dad have already paid for the "first conventional marriage ceremony" they're NOT anticipated or obligated to pay for some other marriage ceremony UNLESS they present to. Either the Bride and Groom can "host" (plan, prepare and pay for) their possess marriage ceremony and reception or the Groom's mom and dad can host the marriage ceremony and/or reception. If the Bride's mom and dad have already paid for the "first engagement occasion" they don't seem to be anticipated or obligated to pay for some other occasion until they present to. The Groom's mom and dad can host the engagement occasion or a near buddy or relative can host the occasion. An engaged couple will have to no longer host their possess engagement occasion. The Bride will have to no longer put on a "white" robe however she will be able to put on a robe in cream or beige or taupe or candlelight. A veil will also be worn simply so long as it does no longer duvet the Bride's face. The Bride can stroll down the aisle my herself or she will be able to stroll down the aisle together with her mom and dad on every aspect. The Bride has already been "given away" via her Father on the first marriage ceremony. Yes, the Bride and Groom will have to check in for items via a marriage ceremony or bridal registry to prevent duplicates of what the Bride would possibly have already got. Your marriage ceremony plans will have to be JUST THE OPPOSITE of what your first marriage ceremony used to be, the whole thing will have to be NEW AND DIFFERENT. For instance: for those who bought married at 5PM on a Saturday night in October the primary time, then your moment marriage ceremony will have to take location at 2PM on a Sunday in June. You will have to opt for distinctive attendants . . yet another menu . . and such a lot certainly yet another honeymoon position. Answered via: A Certified marriage ceremony professional / A Professional bridal guide / A Wedding rite officiant
2016-09-05 12:06:12 · answer #10 · answered by kianes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋