Offended because they weren't singled out...?

Question

I tried to ask this question in the shortest form possible, but I seriously messed it up. Here’s more of the story.
Two people at my grandparents’ church got offended because I didn’t send them a graduation invitation to their house.

Now yesterday, they sent me a graduation present, a ring. I don't want to thank them after the immature way they acted about not being singled out.

AND there is a good reason they were not singled out. No one was. I had a terrible battle with depression the whole second semester, and I wasn't sure of graduating until about a week before the ceremony itself. So sending out personalized invitations to over a 100 people was not an option. Addressing them would have taken at least 2 or 3 days, the mail would have taken another 2 or 3 to get to them, leaving at the most 3 days of notification for the whole thing. We put up the invitation as soon as we knew.

So, the question I was really getting at was how do I resolve this without “airing my dirty laundry”?

Answer 1

That seems unbelievably childish to not want to thank them for a gift (and a ring is a nice gift) because they were hurt at not being invited personally. Since it's over your graduation, that means you're stepping over into grown-up world. In grown-up world, it's best to not hold grudges and act childish in situations like this.

Even if they were ugly about it earlier, consider the nice gift they gave you as a way to smooth things over.

Simply write them a thank you note for the ring, mentioning that it's a lovely, generous gift.

Then let it go.

If your'e determined to make a stand against the way they acted (and I really would not suggest doing so), you need to send the ring back, not keep it and refuse to thank them for it. That is 100 times more rude than how they acted.

And keep in mind, their offended attitudes probably stemmed from a good place -- they thought you were close so were hurt when they weren't specifically invited. They don't need the whole truth, but a simple "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it would hurt or offend you," would work nicely here.

Answer 2

If you don't want the ring and don't care about the relationship, then resolution is easy. Send the ring back with a polite note that says something like, "While I am honored by your thoughtfulness, I couldn't possibly accept such a lavish gift. I am sure you have family members and close friends who deserve your generosity more than I do." This very neatly cools off the relationship by moving you out of their circle of "close friends." Beware, though, because it might move your grandparents out of their circle, too.

If you want to resolve this and KEEP the ring, you need to suck it up and thank them in such a way that you mend the rift between you and them...and possibly your whole family and them.

If that's what you want to do, then go to a card shop and pick out a LOVELY thank-you card. Not one of those packs of 25 or 50 cards. Pick out something extra special for these people.

Inside, write a very nice message of thanks for the ring. At the end of your thanks, add this line.

"I am so sorry to hear that you were offended that I didn't send you an invitation to my graduation party. I hope you will forgive me. I was really overwhelmed at the time, and I requested a very small gathering of only my family and personal friends."

This will hopefully smooth everything over, but it subtly explains to them that they were being a bit oversensitive.

Answer 3

Simply write them a thank you not and include in it that you never meant to cause any hurt feelings. That due to certain personal issues you were unsure if invitations would be necessary and rather than have the invitations not make it, you decided a public notification would be better than nothing. Then thank them again for the ring.


That way they know that there was a reason, but not what the reason was and they don't think that you were just lazy on getting them out.

Answer 4

You need to send them a thank you note and then I advise you to forget the entire affair and if it's brought up again by anyone - change the subject. It was very kind of them to send you a ring and it was tacky of them to let you know that they were offended. Sometimes we just have to not take other people's issues personally - they were wrong but that doesn't excuse you from doing the right thing - thank them for the ring and their kind wishes and move on.

Answer 5

Wow. You should have sent out individual invitations. The fact that you didn't, and the two people still sent you a gift shows that they are willing get over the fact that they weren't invited personally. (I would never give a gift if I weren't invited individually.)

You should send them a Thank-You card along with an Apology for not inviting them individually to your graduation. Depression is not a crutch, and it is not an excuse for procrastination.

Answer 6

Yeah, you already asked this question. And you didn't like the answers so you reposted it with more excuses for yourself.

I said it before and I'll say it again - You cant just post an invite and expect gifts to arrive - and in your last question, you said you didn't want to thank them for the gift since they were offended.

So yeah, grow up. Be happy you got anything.

Answer 7

Sugar even though the two adults acted in a childish way, swallow your pride and send them a Thank You note. You can bet your bottom dollar that they will raise even a bigger ruckus if you don't and your dirty laundry will be all over the place.

So take the high road and act maturely.....

Answer 8

Please send them a very gracious thank you card. Do not mention any of the problems that happened before, but you might say in your note something about being happy that the stress of the final year at school is over.
They are older people who are set in their ways. You are young and this is a good time to learn that being gracious and classy will take you far in life.

Answer 9

Just call them and say thank-you for the present. IF they want more info just say I'm sorry but I am not going to talk about that. If they get grumpy then ignore it and get on with your life.
That is what I do when small town folk get into be busness. I don't care if anyone considers it's rude.

Answer 10

Your 'dirty laundry' has nothing to do with the fact that you received a graduation gift. Therefore should be appreciative, and send a hand-written thank-you note.